?about secondary infertility (first appt with SG next week)

[Anonymous]

Hi -- I have my first appt next week with Dr. Sagoskin in the Rockville office.
I've been TTC a fourth since my third child, a girl, died six months ago at 7 weeks of age.
It is hard for me to believe that I am having fertility problems, but I'm >35 and have been trying for six months so it appears to be the case. I have never had problems conceiving in the past.
I don't know what to expect and am very nervous about this visit. Obviously, I really want another child. It is very hard to be dealing with difficulty conceiving on top of the loss of my daughter. Many are telling me "it's just stress." Which makes me more stressed!
Any calming suggestions appreciated. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your child.

It is true that stress can affect fertility since your body isn't optimal for conception. To help reduce your stress, eat well, take a vitamin daily - esp. for folic acid, exercise daily - even if it is a 20 minute walk around the block, and get ample quantities of sleep. By being as good to yourself as you possibly can and avoiding other stressors in your life, you will be taking the right steps.
You also mention that it has been 6 months since you gave birth - your body is also recovering from this, too.

do you go to church? do you meditate? anything that has worked in the past for you to help you handle difficult emotions will be helpful, too.

Try not to feel the pressure to get pregnant right away - those of us with fertility issues know that for two weeks each month, while waiting for the pregnancy test results, adds a lot more stress. Take it one day at a time (easier said than done) and keep reminding yourself that you have a wonderful family and adding to it will happen when it happens. And since you haven't had any prior issues getting pregnant, chances are it WILL happen.

You will find out when you meet with your doctor and have a few tests done if there is anything else going on that is preventing you from getting pregnant, but for now be gentle with yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think you'll find that once you're working with a doctor, the feeling of regaining some kind of control will make things a bit easier to deal with. Also, as I'm sure you know, acupuncture is also really helpful in this situation both for conception itself and for reducing stress.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking. I know that one probably never fully heals from such a loss, but I hope you feel like you've had enough time to at least begin to heal. I say this because infertility treatments can be hard, especially if you're feeling "raw" or vulnerable.

One thing I would recommend is making sure that your doctor understands what you've gone through and where you are psychologically. I recently learned that my mother has advanced cancer, and it was hard for me to think about proceeding with my IVF under the emotional strain. But I decided to go ahead - and one thing that made a difference is that every single doctor I met with at SG (and you will have contact with many who are not your primary RE) had been told of my situation by my primary RE, and every single one - the doc who did my egg retrieval, the one who did my embryo transfer - mentioned it and told me that they were sorry I was going through such a hard time. It just made a huge difference, and I was so grateful for the kindness.

SG is a big, busy practice. It's important that you like your RE and feel like they respond to your concerns, particularly in a situation like yours. Some patients say it doesn't matter what the RE's personality is like, what matters is whether they can get you pregnant, but I don't agree. The whole process has been very emotional for me, given my family situation and some other pressures, and I don't know if I would have continued if I hadn't had Dr. Osborn as my RE - she is kind, a good listener, very responsive.

I hope you have success with youtr pregnancy. And again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful replies.