Anyone Read Everyday Blessings The inner Work of Mindful Parenting? (Kabat-Zinn)

[Anonymous]

I am really enjoying it and would love to know a couple of people to "chat" with about the book and its message (s). Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Yes! I read it awhile back and loved it. Chat away!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for responding. I am only about 40 pages into it, but find I would love to talk to someone about it.

I am interested in what you have been able to apply to your life and parenting. I really like the view about knowing our children. I am reading another book that talk about love and how feeling loved is really about feeling that the other person understands you. That is the gift I want to give my children. I feel like if you understand the other person, or make it a practice to try to understand them and/or where they are coming from, you really put yourself in a different place.

In other words, you can and do think less about the shoulds or outside judgment or competition. It's just a different mindset. Very difficult to maintain here in these times and perhaps particularly in this area (we live in Bethesda and do private school).

What choices, if any, has this book influenced for you and your family?

Anyway, a bit of a ramble, typing quickly before I put my son to bed and indulging in a small glass of wine. . .

More later.

[Anonymous]

Yay! This is fun -- much more positive than some of the other silliness on this board.

DD is only a toddler, so more than anything else, I've been focusing on my own presence. Am I completely "in the moment" when I'm with DD? Or am I distracted by my thoughts and worries and annoyances and "To Do"s? Life gets really busy and it's all too easy to rush through things like meals, baths, books and the other little moments that make up our time together. But then it hit me at some point that these are all tiny little opportunities to connect -- to truly see DD in whatever phase she's in, to get to know her and to engage. Even the "bad" things (like when she was 14 months and throwing food and screaming "NO!" during dinner) are real moments to engage and experience life with her. But only if I choose to see them that way. So I try to ask myself from time to time, am I "all there"? Or am I rushing through something because my mind is elsewhere? (Don't even get me started on checking my Blackberry. Once I started paying attention to that, I was really disturbed. So I'm working on curbing it, especially in front of DD.)

The other way I've used the book is around empathy -- truly thinking about things from her point of view. She's almost 2, and there are definitely some tantrum type of moments and generally oppositional behavior. When I'm not careful, it's easy to get frustrated and annoyed, and even a little self-pitying and deep in the "shoulds" (especially when there are other people around.) But when I can shift my mindset to one of curiosity, I often relax and things really open up. (In my head, it's something like "Wow. She's kinda' losing it. What's going on for her right now? What's she feeling? Yeah, she must be really annoyed/frustrated, too!") It sounds cheesy, but when I think of these things from her point of view, it's nearly impossible for me to stay annoyed/angry. Among other things, I can see that these moments are fleeting -- she'll be past this stage and on to the next one before I know it. But for better or worse this stage is pretty amazing in its own right -- again, it's not just something to "get through".

Finally, there really is a huge theme around individulism/autonomy that I keep coming back to again and again. This could be a bunch of posts in their own right. But for me, I think it's about being curious about who SHE is as a person, separate and apart from me and DH. I'm noticing it's all too easy to see our kids as an extension of ourselves -- focusing on the traits or characteristics we have in common (or different), or trying so hard to help give them the opportunites we would have liked or to avoid the mistakes we made. Athough well-intentioned, that kind of thinking is really about US -- we're the reference point, which is itself limiting to DC. I'm not sue what to do with this line of thinking yet, so for now I'm just trying to pay attention to my own thoughts/tendencies in this area, and pull back a bit to make space for her. I can imagine as she gets older, it'll be about being by her side but giving her room to unfold -- maybe asking her opinion and truly listening and helping her articulate her thoughts/feelings before telling her mine. And again, staying in a place of curiosity rather than knowing. We'll see how that goes . . ..

I'd love to hear your thoughts, too. And those of anyone else who's read the book. It's definitely not a tactical, "How To" kind of parenting book. But I've found it to be really thought-provoking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for responding. I am only about 40 pages into it, but find I would love to talk to someone about it.

I am interested in what you have been able to apply to your life and parenting. I really like the view about knowing our children. I am reading another book that talk about love and how feeling loved is really about feeling that the other person understands you. That is the gift I want to give my children. I feel like if you understand the other person, or make it a practice to try to understand them and/or where they are coming from, you really put yourself in a different place.

In other words, you can and do think less about the shoulds or outside judgment or competition. It's just a different mindset. Very difficult to maintain here in these times and perhaps particularly in this area (we live in Bethesda and do private school).

What choices, if any, has this book influenced for you and your family?

Anyway, a bit of a ramble, typing quickly before I put my son to bed and indulging in a small glass of wine. . .

More later.

What book is that? Sounds like a brilliant insight into my marriage!

[Anonymous]

True Love by Thich Nhat Hahn

[Anonymous]

bumping this one up. GREAT BOOK!!