Private Immersion (Rochambeau) v. Lafayette, Deal, Wilson: we have never disagreed like this
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My spouse and I are on two sides of the school issue right now and I need an outside perspective. This is the first thing we have ever truly been unable to see eye to eye on and I don't know how to move forward at this point.
We are considering K for our DS. We are zoned for Lafayette, and my DH is dead set on sending him there. He wants to go public for a number of reasons: --He grew up going to a high end DC private and doesn't want our son exposed to the entitlement and wealth that he believes is so much more apparent there --He doesn't want to pay for school when we're zoned in a good district --Logistically even I can admit going to Lafayette is much easier and we both work downtown --Our DC is an only and DH wants to invest our time in the CCDC community so our son will likely have many neighborhood friends and long term the freedom to walk to friends' houses and play in the alley and have that strong neighborhood connection. He thinks Rochambeau, as an international school, has too much family turnover and will not cultivate long term friendships as easily bc folks live all over DC (and the world). I am dead set on sending DS to Rochambeau. My reasons being: --My family is french (I am first generation American) and I want my son to have a strong connection to his culture, which is already waning in the second generation. Even my french is spotty. --The cost for the school is significantly less then other privates and we can easily afford it. --The opportunities at Rochambeau far outweigh Lafayette in my mind given our specific family situation (strong tie to france, but me personally unable to give him the language component to the level to which I believe he should have) --Rochambeau doesn't strike me as full of entitled families and seems to have a really nice community. DH is basically going on about how for well less then $25,000/year we can take DS to France every summer. My response is that obviously that isn't the same, and more specifically, if we have the opportunity and means to set up our DS with a bilingual education and strong academics, why on earth would we trade that for theoretically making better friends in the neighborhood. I know we have two great options but this decision feels very stressful in our house right now, as it feels right now that my DH and I are disagreeing about deeply held values. What are your thoughts on this and what would you do? |
Anonymous
| I see both sides, and both are valid. But in the choice between the community you live in and the cultural heritage, I lean toward the local school. Plus if he’s an only child, friends are even more important. That said, I don’t know what the educational experience at Lafayette is. My spouse and I fight about educational choices, so you have my sympathy. |
Anonymous
|
To help de-escalate: you aren’t choosing Deal or Wilson right now, all you are choosing is kindergarten. One year at a time, because both of your priorities may change as he goes through school. You could agree to send him to Rochambeau for two years, to build French, and then to Lafayette. You could take $15k per year and dedicate it to French enrichment and exposure while he attends K at Lafayette.
Did you send him to French immersion preschool? If not, why not? |
Anonymous
OP here. Perhaps this seems nonsensical, but we sent him to a spanish immersion preschool. At the time I felt that my beliefs were really about a second language more then french, something I am changing my mind about. And the immersion preschool was where everyone on our block sent their kid, so it was the perfect compromise between my DH and I (language and community). |
Anonymous
|
Neither of you is wrong, but I think that there are other ways you can foster a connection to France besides spending $25,000 a year (with an increase every year). With an only child, the neighborhood/community component would weigh even more with me, not to mention the convenience and time it would save.
Have you looked into language classes and other activities at L'Alliance Francaise? They have summer camps, for example, and I think spring break stuff, too. Also, your son is not going to have more of a connection to France than you do. If your French is only spotty, etc., then it's not "his culture." It's his heritage and family history, but it's not the same. Is your husband fluent in French? He might also be concerned about his ability to participate in his kid's education if it's conducted in a language he's not totally fluent in. And it sounds like you aren't fluent, either, so you're signing up for bilingual education that you can't support at home (my polyglot husband opposed immersion for the same reason). I also think you should consider counseling. Both of you want what you think is best for your son, and you're digging in, and that's not going to end well. |
Anonymous
|
Hi OP, we had a somewhat similar choice to make, and also have an only. Our kid attended our Deal/Wilson feeder for three years, PK3-K, and then transferred to Rochambeau for 1st, where kid spent the first year in the "immersion" program (program for kids who are not fluent in French). Kid was initially very reluctant to leave the neighborhood school, but adjusted fairly quickly, and is now in 2nd grade and doing well.
The neighborhood school was great, and kid has lots of neighborhood friends because of the three years spent there. We honestly planned on staying there, but saw an interesting opportunity at the Rollingwood campus, which we were not previously aware of, being somewhat new to the area. (The Bradley campus is sort of too far for us to make it work given work schedules, whereas the Rollingwood campus for 1st-4th is < 10 min drive.) To address a couple of your other points: -Yes, we've found Rochambeau to be a pretty down-to-earth, diverse community. I do not get the sense that most families are very wealthy. -Your husband is right that there is turnover. I believe Valerie mentioned something like 18% attrition each year when I asked a couple years ago? And indeed, our kid lost one BFF and two other good friends who didn't return this year. However, these were immersion students--it's possible the families decided they didn't want immersion after their first year. The turnover rate may be lower among the non-immersion families there, but that's just a guess at this point. Our kid missed these friends initially, but has other friends who stayed and has made new friends. We also try to help the kid maintain friendships with neighborhood school friends. For example, kid sees them at the playground, occasional play dates, and an extracurricular activity that meets regularly at the neighborhood school. Not sure there's a right answer. Trips to francophone countries, French nanny/au pair, French Sat. school, etc. could certainly help as a happy medium, as it would allow more neighborhood involvement with the Lafayette community. It depends on where you both decide to come down on the importance of bilingualism vs. full community involvement. Happy to answer any other questions if you have them! |
Anonymous
|
OP, I can see why you both want what you want and you both have good arguments. Here's a question I have for you - you say that your French is spotty and you're worried about him being connected to your culture but you don't know that you alone can give him that connection - due to your spotty French?
Sounds like you need to work on your language and connection. You're feeling deficits. Maybe the thing to do is to address the deficits you're experiencing rather than trying to make up for it through your son's experience. It might not mean as much to him anyway as it means to you. So that would be my question for you. You have a good argument for sending him to Rochambeau but you make it sound a little bit like this is more about you than about him. That's the thing I would wonder about. |
Anonymous
|
I'm with your husband on this.
First you wanted the language component so you sent your child to Spanish immersion preschool. Now you've decided you also want a cultural connection to France so you want your child to go to the French school. Neither you nor your husband has the language skills necessary to best support that education through high school (no French vs "spotty" French). Save the money, foster the neighborhood friendships, go to France 1-2x/year and provide some French enrichment outside of school. Your desires seem to be extreme and the goals don't even necessarily line up with what you're advocating for. |
Anonymous
|
oh WOW guys, OP here and the resources you have suggested are so great! Right when I am about to swear off DCUM, even heads pop out to weigh in. Thank you.
One PP commented in a manner that my husband is saying to me--that this is really more about me then about my son. I have been struggling with parsing that a bit bc on one hand, it IS about me in the sense that I have seen what sort of impact cultivating a strong connection to the language/culture can have on your life, and I want that for DS! So it's about me in the sense that I do wish things for different for me but I think it's one of the more productive ways to force your regrets on your child, right guys?? (I'm kidding) The french classes are fantastic. I am going to check them out and call over there. This so far seems like we're moving in the right direction. I have also heard of some of the more stringent approaches in LR and that some parents are not thrilled. But others are! Many! |
Anonymous
I'm the PP with a kid at Rochambeau. Many families see Rochambeau as too rigid, etc., and have decided this is not the approach they want for their kids. For other families, it works. Our kid does well with more structure. They also have a ton of recess--something like 4x/day--so it's not like it's all work and no play. Also, there are other families at the school who felt similarly to you--French family background, and wanted their kids to have that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, so long as you feel the school is also a good fit for your child, and that the benefits outweigh the negatives of not doing having the neighborhood school experience. In addition to the actual French Saturday school that meets up at St. Jane de Chantal, Alliance also offers Saturday classes--not the French curriculum, but decent exposure. I think the classes are either 75 or 90 minutes for that age. Good luck with your decision! |
Anonymous
| In addition to the weekend class, OP, you can also find after school language immersion and tutoring, and then remember that Deal is an IB school so language is every day for all three years and only the target language is spoken in class from day 1 and the French students can go to Paris for Spring Break in 8th grade. |
Anonymous
| As a Lafayette parent, there are a number of French and Belgian families at Lafayette - so you may find peers looking for the same thing at the school. That combined with the Saturday school, seems like it could help satisfy both of you, |
Anonymous
I think what Deal offers is great, but it depends on whether OP wants French language exposure only, vs. native fluency. "In a paper last year on which he was a co-author, based on an English grammar test taken by some 670,000 people, he found that — even for children — learning a language takes much longer than I’d thought. Children need seven or eight years of intensive immersion to speak like a native. These years must start by about age 10, to fit them all in by age 17 or 18, when there’s a sharp drop in the rate of learning. (He’s not sure whether this drop is caused by changes in the brain or in circumstances)." https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/30/opinion/contributors/learning-french-in-middle-age.html?fbclid=IwAR2xjq8xQQ_6jMufs3Vq8QW5ah-jIoMNcjrWE5xQbJFC00ZFHgQbXQnGTtE The immersion schools are for families who want their kids to speak their heritage language like a native, or close to it, by starting early in an immersion environment. Granted, most families don't require this level of fluency for their kids, and a few kids will be able to develop fluency later without this level of intensity. No right or wrong answer here, just what works for each family depending on their priorities. |
Anonymous
|
Another Rochambeau family here!
DC started in first grade and I recommend waiting until then for most families that I've referred. In our case, we moved to Washington from a francophone country, so DC had already spent two years at a maternelle. I would totally do Lafayette for K and then switch to Rochambeau for 1st grade. DS could do a few years there, return to Lafayette, and then continue classes thereafter. As previously mentioned, Rollingwood is also the most convenient for those of us schlepping from DC. I should point out that the primary campus will move in two years, however. The school also has a couple of bus routes in DC. I suspect that the families at Rochambeau are not much different than Lafayette. It doesn't really have that private school feel to me. All of the parents that I know are dual income working families. So far, DC has lost roughly one friend a year due to overseas transfers. One is returning in the fall. We're one of the few families that will ultimately leave. Our intentions were always for DC to attend a DCPS/MCPS high school. Your family would fit in very well at the school. 
|
Anonymous
I agree with that, and I think immersion is wonderful; but even OP's French is spotty, and she's just looking for a connection for her son, and she can get the connection without immersion and save her marriage. |