When the oldest sibling gets a phone

[Anonymous]

Right now my kids are in elementary and do not have electronics during the week. This is because my younger one wants to do nothing but electronics if they are available and also still needs to be reminded to do his homework and chores. Older likes electronics too, a lot, but is also more self-motivated to finish his schoolwork and likes other things as well. If he were an only I'd be more lenient during the week but since he's not, I'm not.

Next year my oldest will be in sixth grade and alone for a little time every day. I'm going to give him a phone. I already know the younger one will whine incessantly about wanting to borrow the other's phone. The older will always say no, probably more as a power play than anything. I do not want the older one to be constantly playing games, but I wouldn't care if he did it sometimes (assuming he still gets his other stuff done) except for the fact that the younger will whine about it and want to look over his shoulder all the time.

How do I set this up to cause the least amount of problems between the two kids?

Selfish mom -- I am very concerned about how all of this will affect me because when they squabble it drives me crazy. CRAZY.

[Anonymous]

Get a land line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a land line.

Literally just smacked my forehead. THAT NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO ME. What the hell is wrong with me?

Still, though, I think I'd rather a cell phone. What if there's a problem with him getting into the house? our neighbors all work.

[Anonymous]

Get your oldest a phone that stinks. Like a flip phone. Mine has a phone with no data and only i know the password so there is no way to load games or fun apps.

There’s also limited texting and phone time so it’s for parent-child communication only and it’s easy to track if any tiles are broke. Check out tracphone.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell your kids that it's the older child's phone and there won't be sharing. When 2nd child is older they can get their own phone. My younger was never allowed to have my older's phone - it's personal and has personal texts et on it. No chance.

[Anonymous]

You don't need a landline. Did you know that an old cell phone that's not connected to a wireless network can still dial 911 in an emergency? Keep one plugged in and charged somewhere in your house and teach the kids how. That's just as good as a landline and you won't have to pay the $$ taxes on a landline.

[Anonymous]

Next year my oldest will be in sixth grade and alone for a little time every day. I'm going to give him a phone. I already know the younger one will whine incessantly about wanting to borrow the other's phone.

Do I understand correctly that the younger one will be home, too, when the 6th grader is "alone for a little time" (presumably after school)?

If that is so, then you won't even be there to hear the bickering, right?

You could always have a rule about "no using the phone after mom comes home"...

[Anonymous]

We have phone guidelines.

1st phone - flip or trac phone in junior high
1st iphone - (not the latest or greatest) in high school

No whining from younger siblings, or at least we tuned them out and it eventually went away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a land line.

Literally just smacked my forehead. THAT NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO ME. What the hell is wrong with me?

Still, though, I think I'd rather a cell phone. What if there's a problem with him getting into the house? our neighbors all work.

Then I'd go with a flip phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Next year my oldest will be in sixth grade and alone for a little time every day. I'm going to give him a phone. I already know the younger one will whine incessantly about wanting to borrow the other's phone.

Do I understand correctly that the younger one will be home, too, when the 6th grader is "alone for a little time" (presumably after school)?

If that is so, then you won't even be there to hear the bickering, right?

You could always have a rule about "no using the phone after mom comes home"...

No, I'll still be picking up and dropping off the younger one.

It sounds like the options are to limit use after I come home (which is reasonable, because the actual need for it is gone at that point) or to give him a flip phone (which is also reasonable). I guess the issue for me is that the older one IS responsible enough to handle a phone, but he will be limited simply because of the younger's personality. I want to have the rules set up front. I guess it is what it is. There are positives and negatives to having a sibling.

[Anonymous]

When our oldest got a phone, our youngest knew better than whine and nag. You need to get across the message that such behavior is not tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Next year my oldest will be in sixth grade and alone for a little time every day. I'm going to give him a phone. I already know the younger one will whine incessantly about wanting to borrow the other's phone.

Do I understand correctly that the younger one will be home, too, when the 6th grader is "alone for a little time" (presumably after school)?

If that is so, then you won't even be there to hear the bickering, right?

You could always have a rule about "no using the phone after mom comes home"...

No, I'll still be picking up and dropping off the younger one.

It sounds like the options are to limit use after I come home (which is reasonable, because the actual need for it is gone at that point) or to give him a flip phone (which is also reasonable). I guess the issue for me is that the older one IS responsible enough to handle a phone, but he will be limited simply because of the younger's personality. I want to have the rules set up front. I guess it is what it is. There are positives and negatives to having a sibling.

That seems really unfair. Fair isn’t always equal. Why does the whiny kid who can’t control himself get to determine the rules for the compliant kid who does a good job?

[Anonymous]

I was in your exact shoes! My oldest DD will be in 6th next year and is the self motivated/disciplined one. The younger one likes electronics way more.

My DH and I got new phones and gave our older phones to both our kids. My older one got a data plan and can call. My younger one can use it for games/apps/texting from home.

My younger did say “unfair” but only at first. She is used to it now and very happy to have “a phone.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Next year my oldest will be in sixth grade and alone for a little time every day. I'm going to give him a phone. I already know the younger one will whine incessantly about wanting to borrow the other's phone.

Do I understand correctly that the younger one will be home, too, when the 6th grader is "alone for a little time" (presumably after school)?

If that is so, then you won't even be there to hear the bickering, right?

You could always have a rule about "no using the phone after mom comes home"...

No, I'll still be picking up and dropping off the younger one.

It sounds like the options are to limit use after I come home (which is reasonable, because the actual need for it is gone at that point) or to give him a flip phone (which is also reasonable). I guess the issue for me is that the older one IS responsible enough to handle a phone, but he will be limited simply because of the younger's personality. I want to have the rules set up front. I guess it is what it is. There are positives and negatives to having a sibling.

That seems really unfair. Fair isn’t always equal. Why does the whiny kid who can’t control himself get to determine the rules for the compliant kid who does a good job?

Do not punish a responsible teenager/pre-teen, because of a whiny younger sibling. Anyone younger than middle school does not need a phone. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now my kids are in elementary and do not have electronics during the week. This is because my younger one wants to do nothing but electronics if they are available and also still needs to be reminded to do his homework and chores. Older likes electronics too, a lot, but is also more self-motivated to finish his schoolwork and likes other things as well. If he were an only I'd be more lenient during the week but since he's not, I'm not.

Next year my oldest will be in sixth grade and alone for a little time every day. I'm going to give him a phone. I already know the younger one will whine incessantly about wanting to borrow the other's phone. The older will always say no, probably more as a power play than anything. I do not want the older one to be constantly playing games, but I wouldn't care if he did it sometimes (assuming he still gets his other stuff done) except for the fact that the younger will whine about it and want to look over his shoulder all the time.

How do I set this up to cause the least amount of problems between the two kids?

Selfish mom -- I am very concerned about how all of this will affect me because when they squabble it drives me crazy. CRAZY.

You are in charge. You tell older he will be getting a phone and there will be some restrictions attached. You tell younger child he will get a phone when he is older. If he whines you tell him once this behavior will delay him ever getting a phone. When he whines ignore and make him leave the room if it continues. Don't give him an audience. Disengage and send to room everytime.