stressed out and scared: seeking advice

[Anonymous]

I'm doing IVF (first round). My retrieval is scheduled for Friday and the transfer tentatively for next Monday. I just learned that my mother has inoperable cancer (still determining the exact stage/type). My 5-yo niece is in the hospital with an unusually severe case of swine flu (in another state). Another sib's marriage is in trouble and I am helping her cope and paying her legal bills. I have a huge deadline coming up at work (due date is early December) for which I am totally responsible and the burden cannot, unfortunately, be shifted to anyone else without really serious problems and potentially professional damage to me. I am worried that my stress levels and physical exhaistion are so high and my mental health so bad right now that this cycle will be a failure, and maybe I shouldn't even be going ahead. I am also terrified about getting sick in my rundown state and then having to contend with taking NO meds because of a potential or actual pregnancy. Ditto with sleeping meds - I have been unable to sleep without them recently.

Should I go ahead with retrieval, but instead of transferring, freeze any viable embryos and postpone transfer for January (after my work deadline)? I'm thinking that I would have a better chance of success with less stress in my life. I would also be able to cope better knowing that I can take meds (to sleep or for any other ailment I might develop, now that it's flu season) if I need them.

Has anyone ever done this? I am just so exhausted and scared. I want to cry as I write this.
Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this OP. It sounds very hard. Have you talked to your doctor about this? The freeze all idea may work, but your doctor would have a better idea. Personally, based on my estrogen levels and the number of follicles I have during an IVF, they can tell that I'm unlikely to have lots of good quality eggs/embryos, so a freeze all cycle would make no sense for me. But hopefully you respond better to the drugs than I do. I was just re-reading some of SG's paperwork and they said that when they freeze all, they do it at a different time (ie earlier) than when they freeze extra embryos after transfering some. They typically do a freeze all when someone is over-stimulated and doing the transfer would be unsafe. So I'd talk to your doctor and get his/her feedback. Good luck and I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

what is your gut feeling? if your gut feeling is to wait, then i would wait. but for me, i feel like it's the weeks leading up to the retrieval that is stressful, the transfer is usually very easy and quick, and after that you have 2 weeks of waiting until your beta pregnancy test. so you are almost done, really.

try not to think negatively, i think this can affect the outcome.

what if it did work, are you thinking this would not be a good time to be pregnant?

all in all ivf is very stressful in itself, i even have quit my job and eliminated any stresser that i could this time, and still found it hard...

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. One thing to keep in mind is that frozen cycles are less likely to be successful than fresh cycles, so you should consider that as well in your decision. In my case, my RE gave me a 60% chance of success with a fresh cycle and a 30-40% chance of success with a frozen cycle, although I'm sure those percentages vary according to each person's individual circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I am at SGF, and my doctor told me very recently that their stats on frozen cycles have gone way up this year because they changed their freezing protocol, which I think means that they are very, very picky about what they will freeze. He said that the current stats are much better than what you see on the Website for past years. I have only done fresh cycles so far so I can't speak to whether a frozen cycle worked for me, but I thought it would be helpful for OP to know that (if you're at SGF). Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all PPs re talking to doctor. It all relates to your age, expectancy of IVF success, etc. When I'm overstressed (I had a parent with terminal cancer several years ago and was in a bad relationship and had a stressful job, so I can relate) it always helped me to prioritize and organize.

there are very, very few work catastrophes that cannot be overcome or forgotten. So while that may seem like a huge stressor now because you face it everyday---that is your least problem. Ask yourself---a year from now---will anyone remember the details of this project with the Dec. deadline? The answer is probably not.

Likewise, the sick relative and the one with the money issues are also temporary problems that should right themselves.

The ill parent is the most difficult situation. But also ask yourself---even though facing the challenges of a cancer-stricken parent while pregnant will be difficult---will it also bring you and your parent closer. Particularly since obviously, if you're doing IVF---the journey towards pregnancy has already been difficult.

Best of luck to you OP---hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and support. I will talk with my doc later today, but really appreciate hearing from others about their experiences. I think I will just try to get through it, but at least it's good to know what my options are.
Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely say move forward (of course, after talking to your doc...) because
a) you've done the hard part
b) i really wonder how much stress affects this process -- i know some say a lot but really WHO knows??
c) wouldn't it be great for something good to happen to you right now -- a pregnancy -- everyone would benefit -- your mom, your sis, and YOU would have the whole work project thing in perspective if you knew you were pregnant with good things ahead.

sure there are no guarantees with IVF, we all know that, but it's certainly worth a shot and you deserve some good luck right now.
best wishes.