excuses?

[Anonymous]

what excuses have you given friends and family when going through ivf but not telling others? my husband and i have had to say no to several trips, weddings, and other plans due to cycling through treatments. we've never had a particularity good excuse -- we just usually say no without much explanation. but that's unlike me and i feel badly about it. we're usually fun and excited to see our friends!

for those that have been in this situation, what have you said that has worked well?

[Anonymous]

Do you prefer to just keep this stuff private? I usually tell people I'm going through treatments because then they don't ask stupid sh*t about when are you going to have kids? etc. So two birds, one stone. And in general I'm for things that draw people in and allow more support. That said, if you prefer to be more private, you can always say you have medical appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you prefer to just keep this stuff private? I usually tell people I'm going through treatments because then they don't ask stupid sh*t about when are you going to have kids? etc. So two birds, one stone. And in general I'm for things that draw people in and allow more support. That said, if you prefer to be more private, you can always say you have medical appointments.

i go back and forth on this. my rationale for not telling our friends is that i'd like to avoid people asking how a certain treatment cycle went - did it work? etc. my husband sort of defers to me on this, but i suspect he would be comfortable being more open with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you prefer to just keep this stuff private? I usually tell people I'm going through treatments because then they don't ask stupid sh*t about when are you going to have kids? etc. So two birds, one stone. And in general I'm for things that draw people in and allow more support. That said, if you prefer to be more private, you can always say you have medical appointments.

i go back and forth on this. my rationale for not telling our friends is that i'd like to avoid people asking how a certain treatment cycle went - did it work? etc. my husband sort of defers to me on this, but i suspect he would be comfortable being more open with people.

Ah I see what you mean. I think being clear "I'll let you know when I have news." is a gift to people who aren't sure if they need to/want to check in or not after they tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you prefer to just keep this stuff private? I usually tell people I'm going through treatments because then they don't ask stupid sh*t about when are you going to have kids? etc. So two birds, one stone. And in general I'm for things that draw people in and allow more support. That said, if you prefer to be more private, you can always say you have medical appointments.

i go back and forth on this. my rationale for not telling our friends is that i'd like to avoid people asking how a certain treatment cycle went - did it work? etc. my husband sort of defers to me on this, but i suspect he would be comfortable being more open with people.

Ah I see what you mean. I think being clear "I'll let you know when I have news." is a gift to people who aren't sure if they need to/want to check in or not after they tell you.

*you tell them I mean. Not they tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you prefer to just keep this stuff private? I usually tell people I'm going through treatments because then they don't ask stupid sh*t about when are you going to have kids? etc. So two birds, one stone. And in general I'm for things that draw people in and allow more support. That said, if you prefer to be more private, you can always say you have medical appointments.

i go back and forth on this. my rationale for not telling our friends is that i'd like to avoid people asking how a certain treatment cycle went - did it work? etc. my husband sort of defers to me on this, but i suspect he would be comfortable being more open with people.

Ah I see what you mean. I think being clear "I'll let you know when I have news." is a gift to people who aren't sure if they need to/want to check in or not after they tell you.

i really like the way you put it -- 'i'll let you know when i have news.' definitely something to consider using. thank you!

[Anonymous]

You can also wave details away with "Ugh it's a long process, it will probably be awhile". Then full stop. I started saying that and people got the picture - I'm not telling you the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what excuses have you given friends and family when going through ivf but not telling others? my husband and i have had to say no to several trips, weddings, and other plans due to cycling through treatments. we've never had a particularity good excuse -- we just usually say no without much explanation. but that's unlike me and i feel badly about it. we're usually fun and excited to see our friends!

for those that have been in this situation, what have you said that has worked well?

work and work travel.
that said in between cycles we did some big trips with family which we initiated and planned. so it wasnt like we just disappeared for 3 years.