Please help me understand

[Anonymous]

DD (14) is bi. She just told us but I have sensed this for a while (SO to post on this board about whether or not to ask - very helpful!). Now that she has told us she is texting calling everyone in the family to tell them and wants clothes/stickers/etc with words/phrases about being bi. I have no hesitation about others knowing she is bi, but I don't quite understand the desire she has to shout her sexual identity to the world. I want to be as supportive as possible and would appreciate any input so I can better understand. Many thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

This generation is addicted to attention.

[Anonymous]

Most of the bi girls I knew from school are now happily straight adults.

Let her go through this phase. If it turns out to be more serious, there's nothing wrong with it either.

And yes, this generation is the most attention demanding, attention seeking, self-centered and self-absorbed generation ever. Which is saying a lot. They have no clue. I suppose we adults are to blame to some extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the bi girls I knew from school are now happily straight adults.

Let her go through this phase. If it turns out to be more serious, there's nothing wrong with it either.

And yes, this generation is the most attention demanding, attention seeking, self-centered and self-absorbed generation ever. Which is saying a lot. They have no clue. I suppose we adults are to blame to some extent.

Just a quick note that being married to or serially dating someone of the opposite gender doesn’t make a “formerly bi” person straight, nor does being married to or serially dating someone of the same gender make them gay.

Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the bi girls I knew from school are now happily straight adults.

Let her go through this phase. If it turns out to be more serious, there's nothing wrong with it either.

And yes, this generation is the most attention demanding, attention seeking, self-centered and self-absorbed generation ever. Which is saying a lot. They have no clue. I suppose we adults are to blame to some extent.

Just a quick note that being married to or serially dating someone of the opposite gender doesn’t make a “formerly bi” person straight, nor does being married to or serially dating someone of the same gender make them gay.

Carry on.

This. Thank you.

Part of the reason they want to announce it to the world is because the world is assuming she’s something she’s not. Whether someone thinks it’s a phase or a choice or part of her down to her core, it’s how she identifies now. It would be sort of like if people were mistakenly calling her Maddie and her name was really Maggie, and she finally got up the nerve to start telling people how she wants to be identified. I don’t think straight people get it because the world is so heteronormative. It’s not an issue most people ever have to deal with, so they aren’t really capable of the same perspective.

Personally, I think it’s great that she’s close enough with extended family that she feels comfortable sharing with them. That’s really awesome.

As far as stickers and other identifiers, she’s looking for her people. She’s looking for support and for people who identify like she does, and showing others that she’s part of that community too. It’s isolating to be different. It’s wonderful that our kids now have subtle ways to show they’re supportive of their friends or are themselves part of the lgbt community.

It sounds like it’s all new to her now and she might be going a little overboard but it’s normal. She probably has some anxiety about coming out, even if she doesn’t show it. Think about new transitions parents and kids face and how you’d handle them. When she started a new school, you probably researched it, talked to people about it, maybe even got a school t shirt. You’ll probably do it even more intensely when she goes to college. Imagine if you found out she had autism. You’d research doctors, join a support group, discuss therapies with your friends, maybe slap a magnetic ribbon on your car or sign up for a 5k to raise awareness. If her soccer team won the championship, you’d post on Facebook, talk it up with the other soccer parents, maybe even go out to dinner or a treat with the team and tell the server why everyone is so happy, probably showing off the trophy. People share things about themselves all the time, but no one gets more grief than teens or the lgbt community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the bi girls I knew from school are now happily straight adults.

Let her go through this phase. If it turns out to be more serious, there's nothing wrong with it either.

And yes, this generation is the most attention demanding, attention seeking, self-centered and self-absorbed generation ever. Which is saying a lot. They have no clue. I suppose we adults are to blame to some extent.

Just a quick note that being married to or serially dating someone of the opposite gender doesn’t make a “formerly bi” person straight, nor does being married to or serially dating someone of the same gender make them gay.

Carry on.

True.

[Anonymous]

This is more about the attention that this generation craves, not sure it's a bi/straight/gay thing at all. Girls especially seem to be constantly snap chatting, selfifying and whatever. That is what needs addressing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is more about the attention that this generation craves, not sure it's a bi/straight/gay thing at all. Girls especially seem to be constantly snap chatting, selfifying and whatever. That is what needs addressing here.

Are you a baby boomer?

If so, let's talk about the attention your generation demanded. You protested all sorts of things (and not just the war -- you demanded everyone learn all about "free love" and sat around on the street displaying your hippie credentials).

You made hits out of songs like My Generation and The Times They Are A-Changin', which are all about saying "look how awesome we are and how out of touch everyone else is."

I like 60s/70s music, but god I hate how entitled and myopic so many of you are.

[Anonymous]

Part of the reason they want to announce it to the world is because the world is assuming she’s something she’s not. Whether someone thinks it’s a phase or a choice or part of her down to her core, it’s how she identifies now. It would be sort of like if people were mistakenly calling her Maddie and her name was really Maggie, and she finally got up the nerve to start telling people how she wants to be identified. I don’t think straight people get it because the world is so heteronormative. It’s not an issue most people ever have to deal with, so they aren’t really capable of the same perspective.

Personally, I think it’s great that she’s close enough with extended family that she feels comfortable sharing with them. That’s really awesome.

As far as stickers and other identifiers, she’s looking for her people. She’s looking for support and for people who identify like she does, and showing others that she’s part of that community too. It’s isolating to be different. It’s wonderful that our kids now have subtle ways to show they’re supportive of their friends or are themselves part of the lgbt community.

It sounds like it’s all new to her now and she might be going a little overboard but it’s normal. She probably has some anxiety about coming out, even if she doesn’t show it. Think about new transitions parents and kids face and how you’d handle them. When she started a new school, you probably researched it, talked to people about it, maybe even got a school t shirt. You’ll probably do it even more intensely when she goes to college. Imagine if you found out she had autism. You’d research doctors, join a support group, discuss therapies with your friends, maybe slap a magnetic ribbon on your car or sign up for a 5k to raise awareness. If her soccer team won the championship, you’d post on Facebook, talk it up with the other soccer parents, maybe even go out to dinner or a treat with the team and tell the server why everyone is so happy, probably showing off the trophy. People share things about themselves all the time, but no one gets more grief than teens or the lgbt community.

OP here - thank you to the person who wrote the above - quite possibly the most thoughtful, constructive, and helpful thing I have ever read of DCUM Really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

22:03 here. I’m glad you found that helpful OP. I have 2 LGBT kids. I’ve been through the family announcements and declarations and t shirts and stickers. When I took DD to see love, Simon, she drew flag colors on her hand to represent how she identifies. If you want to go show her you support her in a way she gets, you can find lots of stickers for various orientations on Etsy. A lot are really cute, and they’re mostly inexpensive. You could also get yourself an ally T-shirt, even if you just wear it around the house or to take her out for a coffee early on a Saturday morning when you won’t see anyone you know. If she’s into that, I bet it would mean the world to her, and it’s a relatively small gesture from a parenting perspective.

When DS came out, it caused some family rifts and he got support from only one grandparent. We sent her an ally t shirt. I told her I didn’t expect her to wear it but we thought it would be cool for her to have. I figured she might wear it when DS visited or something. As far as I know she’s never worn it, but she did take a pic of her holding it up and smiling when she received it. DS has it hanging on the bulletin board over his desk.

[Anonymous]

Lesbian here - it is fairly common for people to strongly identify with the LGBT community when they first come out. It is a very strong part of the identity - t-shirts, bumper stickers, rainbow jewelry, etc. For most people that subsides as they realize that being LGBT is just a part of their identity - not their entire identity.

When I first came out I had the t-shirts, buttons on my bags, bumper stickers, rainbow home decor, etc. 25y later, I own none of that. My car now has magnets from my kids' swim team, the only 'gay' thing in our home are our wedding pictures, and I don't own a single rainbow outfit.

Your daughter may end up to be bi for the rest of her life. Or lesbian. Or straight. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lesbian here - it is fairly common for people to strongly identify with the LGBT community when they first come out. It is a very strong part of the identity - t-shirts, bumper stickers, rainbow jewelry, etc. For most people that subsides as they realize that being LGBT is just a part of their identity - not their entire identity.

When I first came out I had the t-shirts, buttons on my bags, bumper stickers, rainbow home decor, etc. 25y later, I own none of that. My car now has magnets from my kids' swim team, the only 'gay' thing in our home are our wedding pictures, and I don't own a single rainbow outfit.

Your daughter may end up to be bi for the rest of her life. Or lesbian. Or straight. Who knows.

I'm not LGBT, but this makes a lot of sense to me. Thx.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This generation is addicted to attention.

This!

[Anonymous]

If you were me I think I would talk with my daughter about having one item on a backpack if they want the dating pool at school to know, but that sexuality really is more of a private thing and doesn’t need to be a label one walks around with. But I tend to be a person who thinks labels of all kinds are bad. I don’t do political stickers I don’t do rainbows. None of that stuff. It’s not there’s anything wrong with advertising a lot but that she should think about why she wants to do that and talk through it with you. I’m certain it’s just teenager desire to fit into a category ( the desire for flair not the bisexuality )

[Anonymous]

I understand communicating one’s gender when they have “come out”, but I do not understand broadcasting sexuality. Signaling one’s sexuality is different. Stickers, earrings, clothing - all can signal sexuality. But I wouldn’t text this epiphany.