4 yo fat shaming

[Anonymous]

Yesterday my 4 yo son said about a daycare classmate's mom, who is significantly overweight, "Sally's mom is fat because she eats too much." He didn't say this in the presence of the mom or the classmate, but it was in public and within earshot of others.

I'm not exactly sure what the right way to correct this is. Obviously I need to tell him he shouldn't say such things, but I don't know how it do it without implying that being overweight is shameful and shouldn't be discussed. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

"You don't need to talk about people's bodies." "What Sally's mom eats is not your business."

[Anonymous]

I would talk to him at home.

Hey remember when you said Sally's mom is fat because she eats too much? Well, firstly it's not nice to comment on people's bodies. Secondly, don't assume you know why people are big or small. There are medical conditions that make people gain weight, there are medications that do it, people can gain or lose weight from being very stressed, lots of reasons. And it's not our place to ask. So just don't comment on other people's bodies, okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to him at home.

Hey remember when you said Sally's mom is fat because she eats too much? Well, firstly it's not nice to comment on people's bodies. Secondly, don't assume you know why people are big or small. There are medical conditions that make people gain weight, there are medications that do it, people can gain or lose weight from being very stressed, lots of reasons. And it's not our place to ask. So just don't comment on other people's bodies, okay?

Eh. The kid is right, Sally's mom is fat because she eats too much.

But it's impolite to say that.

[Anonymous]

Kids say things they shouldn't say out loud. Catch it in the moment when it happens by immediately responding: "That is not a nice to thing to say about someone. Be kind." In the car, you explain why.

[Anonymous]

When mine was that age, he commented that he liked a particular day care worker because her lap was soft, not bony.

Wonder where he picked up the comment? Sounds like he must have heard someone else say it.

[Anonymous]

That's not fat shaming. He was making an observation and drawing conclusions in the way a 4 year old sees it.

I would explain to him that commenting on peoples weight can he very hurtful to the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You don't need to talk about people's bodies." "What Sally's mom eats is not your business."

This. I wouldn't classify it as "mean" or anything else. Just say "we don't comment on what other people's bodies look like".

And also, make sure YOU are not commenting on other people's bodies. Fat, thin, beautiful, great legs, nice hair etc. Focus on inside qualities of other's not outside qualities.

[Anonymous]

My Nephew was discussing slavery at his Pre School when he was 4. He lived in Brooklyn. He was out walking with his Mom one day and started pointing to African Americans and told his Mom that they had all been slaves. SIL was mortified. I understand her being mortified and suspect that there were some upset people that day but that most people figured that with the white 4 year old either had racists for parents or that the kid was learning about Slavery during Black History Month and didn't quite grasp the concept properly.

Kids repeat what they hear, and learn, and need to be corrected from time to time.

Remind him that we don't discuss peoples bodies and that what other people eat or do to exercise is none of his business. And it is OK to call him on it in public. I remind my kid, and his friends if they are doing it when I am watching them, that they only need to worry about their actions and behavior. I don't need to know who got what on their quiz or did what during class. I want to hear if there is something happening that is hurting someone or planning to hurt someone. Other then that, there is no need to comment on how other people look, act, smell (he is 6 so yeah), and the like. It is not kind nor is it necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to him at home.

Hey remember when you said Sally's mom is fat because she eats too much? Well, firstly it's not nice to comment on people's bodies. Secondly, don't assume you know why people are big or small. There are medical conditions that make people gain weight, there are medications that do it, people can gain or lose weight from being very stressed, lots of reasons. And it's not our place to ask. So just don't comment on other people's bodies, okay?

Eh. The kid is right, Sally's mom is fat because she eats too much.

But it's impolite to say that.

You just don't know that. I am fat. I eat super healthy. I don't eat too much, and I walk about 3 miles a day. My body is a mess. I am taking thyroid medication. Two doctors and a nutritionist are trying to figure out why I don't lose weight. So I'm not fat because I eat too much. You just don't know.

[Anonymous]

I teach primary school and have never met a Sally.

[Anonymous]

“It’s not polite to talk about the size of people’s bodies”

The end. No need to bend over backwards to fatsplain to the kid the many many many reasons that people are fat aside from eating “too much.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When mine was that age, he commented that he liked a particular day care worker because her lap was soft, not bony.

Wonder where he picked up the comment? Sounds like he must have heard someone else say it.

Why would he have to pick that up from someone? That is an astute and totally normal child observation. My son only likes hugs for me at night because I’m “squishy”. I assume he’s talking about my boobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When mine was that age, he commented that he liked a particular day care worker because her lap was soft, not bony.

Wonder where he picked up the comment? Sounds like he must have heard someone else say it.

Why would you think that? My daughter told my mom that she liked snuggling with her because she was squishy. My mom just laughed.

I tell my kid that it's not polite to talk about people's bodies unless you are paying them a compliment. And that sometimes it hurts people's feelings to be called fat, and there's no reason for her to say that about someone anyway.

[Anonymous]

Kids are honest. Comments from my kids and their peers about my weight were a motivator. They revealed how I look. Period. Not how I look when you consider I am over 40 have had kids and am on medication. Those are explanations about how I got here. They explain why I look different than some other people. But the way I looked to my kids was Fat. So I kicked it into gear. I didn’t want to be the fat mom that my kids saw me to be.