Are you friends with people outside of your socioeconomic status?

[Anonymous]

I'm asking from the perspective of a middle class person who often feels a little out of it around very wealthy people in our new neighborhood. They are nice and seem to want to be friends but I can't relate to a lot of the conversation (second homes, housekeepers, European vacations, complaining about their beat up car that's nicer than mine, etc.). Our house is smaller and not luxury. My clothes are not designer. What could these people see in me?

[Anonymous]

Unless the disparity is absolutely and totally blatant, please never assume anything!

We are an international family who travels frequently to visit close relatives in Europe and Asia. If we talked about that, you'd think we were wealthy. If you saw our house and car, you'd think we weren't. Our salaries are pretty low, but we have other sources of income. It's complicated.

So, no assumptions. Everyone's situation is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm asking from the perspective of a middle class person who often feels a little out of it around very wealthy people in our new neighborhood. They are nice and seem to want to be friends but I can't relate to a lot of the conversation (second homes, housekeepers, European vacations, complaining about their beat up car that's nicer than mine, etc.). Our house is smaller and not luxury. My clothes are not designer. What could these people see in me?

Try not to compare. True friends don't really care about what you have and don't have. We bought a small house in a great neighborhood where people are decidedly more wealthy. Our lack of wealth has never been an issue and for the few who do care... well, they aren't really very nice friends. I just engage as I normally would:

Me: What are you doing for Spring Break?
Them: We're going to Bora Bora.
Me: How awesome is that? How long is the flight?
-----------
Them: OMG, my Maserati is in the shop AGAIN!
Me: That stinks! What is wrong with it?
-----------
Them: I cant believe it! Empara forgot to clean the pool again.
Me: Isn't that what a pool boy is for? ;p

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don’t really come into contact with middle class people besides those who work for me, but I enjoy talking with them and I would hang out with them if given the opportunity.

How does a middle class person live in the same neighborhood as super wealthy people?

[Anonymous]

I don't care what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, what kind, if any, vacations you take, etc. I care about the kind of person you are. I've met enough fake people who have all the labels to know that labels do not make a person.

So what do I see in you? I see what I see in any of my actual friends. You have a good personality and I enjoy spending time with you. And I'd rather hang out with you then the person talking about their second homes or whatever. Those conversations get so boring after awhile.

And I can definitely tell you I'd rather be friends with you than with 2158!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have to be pretty wealthy too and not middle class to afford that house.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm a teacher and also tutor illiterate adults in the evening. I have a lot of friends who have a lower SES than me.

[Anonymous]

I have friends that make a LOT less than I do and friends who make a LOT more than I do (or are independently wealthy).

I have only ever had an issue once when trying to plan a vacation with someone who makes less than I do. I wanted to stay somewhere she and her husband could not afford and they got mad. I get it. I was younger and did not think through the suggestion. Anyway, we did not take the trip but we are still friends.

[Anonymous]

As a lower middle class kid (working class on the edge of poor) I was able to work the system well enough to sneak into the best universities in the US. I note this here, not as boasting, but affirming to you that, I have been to the place where the Nobel laureates live, and I was not impressed. I went to the places where prestige, privilege, and power reside.

I didn't like it. Something was seriously amiss, that educated people could function within the institutions of higher learning, while holding lower ethics, while acting "as if' the fictitious world on the inside were enough to deny the abuses of power outside. The systems of domination and control are maintained by the very people who claim freedom of thought and action. The system is maintained, not with sticks, but with the carrots of social and monetary capital.

The modern capitalist nation-state is maintained by a grand Faustian bargain, from the inside of the doctrinal system, and by violence of the physical variety for those on the outside.

I started out, as a child, on the outside. I manipulated my way into the inside, and I have ostracized myself back outside.

Outside is the only honorable place to be.

It has been my good fortune to meet my brothers and sisters on the outside, inside the universal community of cooperation, compassion and dignity.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind interacting with people above my socioeconomic class, but not below.

[Anonymous]

We're pretty wealthy but we interact a lot with people through our church of different socio-economic groups. I try to be sensitive and not talk about travel, if we entertain at our house, I don't hire help, etc. We don't drive fancy cars or have expensive clothes so most wouldn't know, but we do live in a very nice house and our kids attend private schools. But we're friends so we just hang out and I think they are great - they all have interesting jobs, careers, lives, hobbies so the fact that we have a lot of money doesn't change those things (in fact, their jobs are probably more interesting than ours).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a lower middle class kid (working class on the edge of poor) I was able to work the system well enough to sneak into the best universities in the US. I note this here, not as boasting, but affirming to you that, I have been to the place where the Nobel laureates live, and I was not impressed. I went to the places where prestige, privilege, and power reside.

I didn't like it. Something was seriously amiss, that educated people could function within the institutions of higher learning, while holding lower ethics, while acting "as if' the fictitious world on the inside were enough to deny the abuses of power outside. The systems of domination and control are maintained by the very people who claim freedom of thought and action. The system is maintained, not with sticks, but with the carrots of social and monetary capital.

The modern capitalist nation-state is maintained by a grand Faustian bargain, from the inside of the doctrinal system, and by violence of the physical variety for those on the outside.

I started out, as a child, on the outside. I manipulated my way into the inside, and I have ostracized myself back outside.

Outside is the only honorable place to b
It has been my good fortune to meet my brothers and sisters on the outside, inside the universal community of cooperation, compassion and dignity.

Well aren’t you a man of the people!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a lower middle class kid (working class on the edge of poor) I was able to work the system well enough to sneak into the best universities in the US. I note this here, not as boasting, but affirming to you that, I have been to the place where the Nobel laureates live, and I was not impressed. I went to the places where prestige, privilege, and power reside.

I didn't like it. Something was seriously amiss, that educated people could function within the institutions of higher learning, while holding lower ethics, while acting "as if' the fictitious world on the inside were enough to deny the abuses of power outside. The systems of domination and control are maintained by the very people who claim freedom of thought and action. The system is maintained, not with sticks, but with the carrots of social and monetary capital.

The modern capitalist nation-state is maintained by a grand Faustian bargain, from the inside of the doctrinal system, and by violence of the physical variety for those on the outside.

I started out, as a child, on the outside. I manipulated my way into the inside, and I have ostracized myself back outside.

Outside is the only honorable place to b
It has been my good fortune to meet my brothers and sisters on the outside, inside the universal community of cooperation, compassion and dignity.

Well aren’t you a man of the people!!

+1,000 That post made me laugh soooo hard! That poster didn't ostracize himself to the outside...more likely was kicked to the curb by former upper class acquaintances for being insufferable, bitter and sanctimonious. Unintentionally hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Yes. I am upper middle class, highly educated (boarding school to Ivy League), daughter of immigrants who became citizens (also very highly educated). I live in a somewhat diverse though gentrified neighborhood, send kids to diverse schools and our friends span the gamut of socioeconomic status, as well as other circumstances (single mom with many kids, many dads, undocumented, refugees, not very
educated, formerly homeless and upper middle class to rich.) I am an unusually open and friendly person and enjoy meeting others from other walks of life. I find I get the most looks though from very religious Christians. Our background is from a non Judeo Christian tradition,but I enjoy talking with everyone, even the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons who come to my door.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have solidly middle class friends, poor friends on assistance, rich upper middle class friends and super wealthy friends worth several hundred million. I am friends with more than a few average Joe's and a few random celebrities.

Life is all about really connecting with and truly liking people. Only assholes stay in their life's station and they miss all the fun. None of the people I am friends with would be considered trashy or snobby on any level, no matter what their income. They are just good solid people and genuine.