If giving gifts/things is your "love language..."

[Anonymous]

How would you want someone to tell you: "please, I don't need any more stuff. There is no need to give me a present."

I don't live in a big space, and manage it well... but dear god, SO MUCH STUFF. Much of it is brought on by myself, but there are lots of little things I've found from people over the years. And the packaging. And just unused stuff.

I would SO much rather do an experience or activity with someone, but I know that giving presents is the love language for a lot of people. What's the best way to tell you politely and with love, that for the love of god, you don't need to buy me another thing for the rest of our lives. Ever.

Has anyone had this conversation with people? Birthdays, xmas, random times... I don't need/want any of it.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I gave up buying gifts for each other a few years ago. We have everything we need and if we do need something we just buy it. If someone really wants to give you something then suggest something that includes them (a nice dinner) or a donation to the charity of their choice in your name. With our adult children we fund $5000 a year in charitable donations on their behalf.

[Anonymous]

I've been able to control this somewhat by being direct with the person what I want. I make a list or ask for specific things (that I know I need already). They get to give me a gift still and I get to choose what it is.

[Anonymous]

The reality is that you can't always. You just have to accept that in this country, people give gifts. For Christmas, someone gave me seven pairs of socks with different types of food on them that I don't eat - candy, donuts, Pepsi, french fries, etc.

I smiled and said thank you, and left them in the bathroom at work with a sign that said "Free Socks!"

No big deal.

[Anonymous]

"What's the best way to tell you politely and with love, that for the love of god, you don't need to buy me another thing for the rest of our lives. Ever."

I essentially said this to my mother, although not in those exact words. It didn't go over well, and it merely slowed, but didn't stop, the gifts. Then I had kids and the gifts started flowing again.

[Anonymous]

Just tell people you're a minimalist.
It will take time but at some point they will stop getting you some stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell people you're a minimalist.
It will take time but at some point they will stop getting you some stuff.

No, they won't. My mom loves to give gifts (and for that reason I like to give HER gifts). Try to emphasize with the gift givers things that you'd use: a selection of teas, or a starbucks card, or new dishtowels (if they are like mine, your towels are stained because kids and husband use them to wipe up spills or wipe peanut butter and jelly off their hands as one does), or fancy paper napkins if you are inclined to use those. Whatever. The usable stuff.

Or, like PP, take the gift and regift it, or donate it to the homeless shelter, or offer it to the folks you work with.

[Anonymous]

Don't take it out of the packing and donate it. Much easier than trying to get people to stop doing something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't take it out of the packing and donate it. Much easier than trying to get people to stop doing something.

+ 1

Understand it's a gesture of love, accept it, and then donate what we don't want.

My MIL is constantly buying us crap. But it makes HER happy. And we know she does it because she's always thinking of us.

I just donate 75% of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you want someone to tell you: "please, I don't need any more stuff. There is no need to give me a present."

I don't live in a big space, and manage it well... but dear god, SO MUCH STUFF. Much of it is brought on by myself, but there are lots of little things I've found from people over the years. And the packaging. And just unused stuff.

I would SO much rather do an experience or activity with someone, but I know that giving presents is the love language for a lot of people. What's the best way to tell you politely and with love, that for the love of god, you don't need to buy me another thing for the rest of our lives. Ever.

Has anyone had this conversation with people? Birthdays, xmas, random times... I don't need/want any of it.

One Valentines Day DW told me not to get her anymore flowers. So I did. But I never forgive her. And I think I stopped loving her since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you want someone to tell you: "please, I don't need any more stuff. There is no need to give me a present."

I don't live in a big space, and manage it well... but dear god, SO MUCH STUFF. Much of it is brought on by myself, but there are lots of little things I've found from people over the years. And the packaging. And just unused stuff.

I would SO much rather do an experience or activity with someone, but I know that giving presents is the love language for a lot of people. What's the best way to tell you politely and with love, that for the love of god, you don't need to buy me another thing for the rest of our lives. Ever.

Has anyone had this conversation with people? Birthdays, xmas, random times... I don't need/want any of it.

One Valentines Day DW told me not to get her anymore flowers. So I did. But I never forgive her. And I think I stopped loving her since.

Wait, what? You stopped loving your wife because she told you not to get her flowers anymore? It sounds like you have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you want someone to tell you: "please, I don't need any more stuff. There is no need to give me a present."

I don't live in a big space, and manage it well... but dear god, SO MUCH STUFF. Much of it is brought on by myself, but there are lots of little things I've found from people over the years. And the packaging. And just unused stuff.

I would SO much rather do an experience or activity with someone, but I know that giving presents is the love language for a lot of people. What's the best way to tell you politely and with love, that for the love of god, you don't need to buy me another thing for the rest of our lives. Ever.

Has anyone had this conversation with people? Birthdays, xmas, random times... I don't need/want any of it.

One Valentines Day DW told me not to get her anymore flowers. So I did. But I never forgive her. And I think I stopped loving her since.

Wait, what? You stopped loving your wife because she told you not to get her flowers anymore? It sounds like you have issues.

I probably do, but that's also when I realized I wasn't appreciated.

I guess the moral of the story is be careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous]

My DH now gives me experience gifts—-travel, spa....maybe make a wishlist so he gets the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reality is that you can't always. You just have to accept that in this country, people give gifts. For Christmas, someone gave me seven pairs of socks with different types of food on them that I don't eat - candy, donuts, Pepsi, french fries, etc.

I smiled and said thank you, and left them in the bathroom at work with a sign that said "Free Socks!"

No big deal.

LMAO

[Anonymous]

Suggest gifts that get used up, don't require space. Gift cards, edibles etc.