Moments of kindness- for kids with special needs and their families

[Anonymous]

So I was inspired to post this by a story about a twitter thread. I often come here when my child is in crisis (often driven by their school) and get a lot of excellent advice. I am trying to spend more time remembering the positive events too.

But I have also received many moments of grace and kindness from strangers that made my day better. So I will share a couple- please feel free to add your own.

One evening soon after my 3yo son received his ASD/ ADHD diagnosis his 5yo sister begged to go to the mall as a treat to get some Annie’s pretzels. Her brother’s crises had driven so much and she had been so patient that I agreed. I figured we would drop by Tyson’s quickly after school and didn’t bother to take a stroller or any of my usual gear since it would be such a quick trip. We were doing really well, when my son walked right into one of the glass display windows. It startled him, but worst of all it gave him a bloody nose which he had never had- and it was a gusher. So of course this triggers a meltdown and I am wearing a white shirt and I have 1 tissue. Nobody stopped to help, pretty much everyone was scurrying away and I can’t blame them we were a screaming biohazard. So I send my daughter to the pretzel stand across the way to ask for some napkins.

Instead of doing that- DD approaches a family and asks for their help. The mom is in a full burka and clearly didn’t speak English, but she understood the request and came right over to assist. She pulled baby wipes and tissues out of her bag and handed them to me silently and didn’t crowd my son. She then directed her husband to get a cup of water and more napkins so I could clean up a little bit since we’d run out of wipes. She even wiped the blood off of my face that I couldn’t see. The father and son stood by my daughter and made faces to entertain her while we stopped the bleeding. I was crying as I thanked her and she just smiled and walked away. Later I asked my daughter why she approached that lady- and she said she had nice eyes.

In an act of persistent kindness for my dyslexic daughter, her music teacher made sure every year that she had a solo or speaking part in the school show. So she always had something she could be proud of when she was struggling with her academics. I will never forget that either.

[Anonymous]

These are the nicest stories, OP. Thank you for sharing. I have tears in my eyes. There are some good humans out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I was inspired to post this by a story about a twitter thread. I often come here when my child is in crisis (often driven by their school) and get a lot of excellent advice. I am trying to spend more time remembering the positive events too.

But I have also received many moments of grace and kindness from strangers that made my day better. So I will share a couple- please feel free to add your own.

One evening soon after my 3yo son received his ASD/ ADHD diagnosis his 5yo sister begged to go to the mall as a treat to get some Annie’s pretzels. Her brother’s crises had driven so much and she had been so patient that I agreed. I figured we would drop by Tyson’s quickly after school and didn’t bother to take a stroller or any of my usual gear since it would be such a quick trip. We were doing really well, when my son walked right into one of the glass display windows. It startled him, but worst of all it gave him a bloody nose which he had never had- and it was a gusher. So of course this triggers a meltdown and I am wearing a white shirt and I have 1 tissue. Nobody stopped to help, pretty much everyone was scurrying away and I can’t blame them we were a screaming biohazard. So I send my daughter to the pretzel stand across the way to ask for some napkins.

Instead of doing that- DD approaches a family and asks for their help. The mom is in a full burka and clearly didn’t speak English, but she understood the request and came right over to assist. She pulled baby wipes and tissues out of her bag and handed them to me silently and didn’t crowd my son. She then directed her husband to get a cup of water and more napkins so I could clean up a little bit since we’d run out of wipes. She even wiped the blood off of my face that I couldn’t see. The father and son stood by my daughter and made faces to entertain her while we stopped the bleeding. I was crying as I thanked her and she just smiled and walked away. Later I asked my daughter why she approached that lady- and she said she had nice eyes.

In an act of persistent kindness for my dyslexic daughter, her music teacher made sure every year that she had a solo or speaking part in the school show. So she always had something she could be proud of when she was struggling with her academics. I will never forget that either.

Thank you for posting this. One of the best things I've seen on DCUM in a long time.

[Anonymous]

I was standing g outside ouf Giant with a bunch of grocey bags, 7 months pregnant and pleading with my non verbal three year old (in our foreign language!) to just sit on the bench so I could walk the two steps away to the car and put down the groceries. He’s freaking out, and I’m freaking out. So so come. This lady comes over (funnily also in a hijab) and speaks to me in my language. She holds my sons hand and walks with me to the car and helps me with everything.
Also, when I was pregnant with that same son, a nice man came over and helped me load a dozen paint cans into my trunk for me.

[Anonymous]

I’m still reeling, but can recognize this moment of kindness. Recently, at what I thought was a run of the mill, three year evaluation planning meeting for my Freshman, I was blindsided by the psychologist asking for additional testing and input from the teachers suggesting that they suspect a more significant issue for my kid. I told them I was angry and I cried. After the meeting, the speech therapist, took me aside to tell me that she was sorry I felt blindsided but hoped that I had also heard that there is a whole group of people looking for the best way to support my kid. Then she showed how to use a software tool that could really help out with homework. It was a small thing, but left me with a little bit of hope.

[Anonymous]

My DS is twelve, and people have been nice, when he is well behaved, but I don't remember one singlet time that anyone went of their way for us when he was in full meltdown.
I remember a lot of people staring, moving away from us, looking at me like I had two heads, and trying to guide us out of their store or restaurant, but not one person was ever particularly kind.
I'm not a negative person--I wanted to post a positive experience like OP, and I can't think of one. DS has had a few nice teachers through the years. His kindergarten teacher and his fourth grade teacher were nice and seemed interested in helping him.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate the mom of my ASD son’s best friend who invited him to his first sleepover and made it work all night. It was a huge milestone for him and he is really proud of himself. And I know there were many difficult moments.

I have come to find out that her child is also on the spectrum and have severe anxiety so it was good for him to have a friend sleep over who doesn’t judge when things make him nervous. And when he is ready I hope he will sleep over at our house too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is twelve, and people have been nice, when he is well behaved, but I don't remember one singlet time that anyone went of their way for us when he was in full meltdown.
I remember a lot of people staring, moving away from us, looking at me like I had two heads, and trying to guide us out of their store or restaurant, but not one person was ever particularly kind.
I'm not a negative person--I wanted to post a positive experience like OP, and I can't think of one. DS has had a few nice teachers through the years. His kindergarten teacher and his fourth grade teacher were nice and seemed interested in helping him.

Same. My dc has so many brutal meltdowns when I was struggling with two younger siblings out in public solo. Wish I had a heartwarming story to share.

[Anonymous]

Great story, OP and others.

Mine is more minor, but it helped me feel not as alone. When my son (later diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD) was 2 or 3, he had a meltdown at church so I took him outside where he continued screaming. A priest passed by and said, "He doesn't mean it, Mom. He loves you and it's ok. You're doing well." The meltdown continued, of course, but I didn't feel judged at the very moment.

[Anonymous]

I am grateful for the families who have kept us on their birthday party invite lists in spite of the fact that I always stay and we are often late and sometimes have to leave early or take a break in a quiet room.

That acceptance means a lot- and making sure we have a goody bag as we scurry our early is particularly kind.

[Anonymous]

My autistic teenager was behind me in line at the supermarket and the next thing I knew, she was holding one of those balloons on a stick. Behind her was a shocked little boy. I knew immediately that she had taken it from him and quickly gave it back, apologizing to both him and his mom. His mom smiled and said, “Oh, they can share it.” I thanked her and shook my head. I just thought that was so kind of her to respond that way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I loved your story for so many reasons. Besides the fact is is beautiful when any stranger is so kind, I love when my kids get to experience how wonderful people from other cultures are. I remember at my son's preschool there was a mom in full burka who went out of her way to be really friendly and warm. My son learned at an early age not fear someone in a burka and he always looked forward to seeing her and got a huge smile on his face.

I have just been so impressed at the children and adults who have welcomed my son with special needs including the parents of my daughter's friends. Sure we have dealt with many kids being cruel and bullying, but he can developed resilience in part due to all those who showed love, tolerance and accetance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is twelve, and people have been nice, when he is well behaved, but I don't remember one singlet time that anyone went of their way for us when he was in full meltdown.
I remember a lot of people staring, moving away from us, looking at me like I had two heads, and trying to guide us out of their store or restaurant, but not one person was ever particularly kind.
I'm not a negative person--I wanted to post a positive experience like OP, and I can't think of one. DS has had a few nice teachers through the years. His kindergarten teacher and his fourth grade teacher were nice and seemed interested in helping him.

I want to qualify this...it wasn't toward my son, but when my DS was in early elementary, his friend had a class party. Her older brother has significant physical and developmental disabilities. He was a teenager and was in a wheelchair, non-verbal, with profound disabilities. I looked over during the party, and his father was gently feeding him, wiping his mouth and just so affectionate and loving toward his child.
The family was a a different culture and I made some assumptions about how a boy with such extreme special needs would be looked upon. I remember feeling really ashamed of my pre-conceived notion, because the family treated their son with such pride and respect and dignity and love. I am still moved when with I think about it and used the experience to remind myself that we all hold bias that we are not aware of until they rear their head--and these bias are often wrong.