Am I being unreasonable and possessive?

[Anonymous]

I’ll try to make this as simple as possible. It has been a crazy busy few weeks for both DH and I at work. We’ve barely eaten a meal together as a family since Janruary. When my husband hasn’t been working late, he’s been working weekends. We are like ships passing in the night. We are all super stressed, and I know my DH has been busy, but the bulk of the home/kid responsibilities have fallen on me.

I suggested that next weekend we will “pretend” to be going out of town for family bonding, but in reality, we will just hang out around home, “going away” being and excuse so we won’t be bothered by family, friends, play dates, or any plans. We’ve been so busy, I just miss everyone!

So when my parents asked if we would like to come for dinner next weekend (my DH is finally done with his big project next week), I politely turned them down and explained we were going away. DHs parents just presented a similar proposal, and he wants to skip our plans and go, even though he doesn’t want to, because his mom will be upset.

Last week, we asked if they’d like to visit with the kids, and they were too busy. But now we aren’t allowed to be too busy?

Should I put my foot down or should I allow it, and spend time together as a family, only at ILs house instead.

[Anonymous]

Put your foot down. If anything your parents asked first and should get “first dibs”.

[Anonymous]

Put your foot down. It's okay.

[Anonymous]

You already lied to your family, can’t go to the in-laws.

Listen, learn to be honest.

Tell family that you appreciate the offer, but you need a weekend at home.

Don’t play games.

[Anonymous]

The mistake was the lie.

You are allowed to be tired and in need of bonding and downtime.

So no, none of you are available. And if someone's upset, too bad for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already lied to your family, can’t go to the in-laws.

Listen, learn to be honest.

Tell family that you appreciate the offer, but you need a weekend at home.

Don’t play games.

Not playing games. I have no problems telling my parents we decided to stay home but don’t want to see anyone. They would understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already lied to your family, can’t go to the in-laws.

Listen, learn to be honest.

Tell family that you appreciate the offer, but you need a weekend at home.

Don’t play games.

Not playing games. I have no problems telling my parents we decided to stay home but don’t want to see anyone. They would understand.

This, or give them the kids and go out alone with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already lied to your family, can’t go to the in-laws.

Listen, learn to be honest.

Tell family that you appreciate the offer, but you need a weekend at home.

Don’t play games.

Not playing games. I have no problems telling my parents we decided to stay home but don’t want to see anyone. They would understand.

Be honest upfront. No need to make up lies. It will serve you well. Families are demanding.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I will tell my parents we are staying home and staying in. But DH is afraid to tell this to his parents who want to see us, suddenly with such great urgency! I’d send just the kids, but I am sort of feeling this selfish desire to be with my whole family, together, for more than a couple hours. If that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I will tell my parents we are staying home and staying in. But DH is afraid to tell this to his parents who want to see us, suddenly with such great urgency! I’d send just the kids, but I am sort of feeling this selfish desire to be with my whole family, together, for more than a couple hours. If that makes sense.

He needs to tell them thanks but this weekend won’t work. FULL STOP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I will tell my parents we are staying home and staying in. But DH is afraid to tell this to his parents who want to see us, suddenly with such great urgency! I’d send just the kids, but I am sort of feeling this selfish desire to be with my whole family, together, for more than a couple hours. If that makes sense.

He needs to tell them thanks but this weekend won’t work. FULL STOP.

+1
So tired of these posts about husband's who can't say no to their parent. WTH?

[Anonymous]

Why does your husband put his mother’s feelings before yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I will tell my parents we are staying home and staying in. But DH is afraid to tell this to his parents who want to see us, suddenly with such great urgency! I’d send just the kids, but I am sort of feeling this selfish desire to be with my whole family, together, for more than a couple hours. If that makes sense.

No, what makes sense is that you put your foot down and insist on staying together as a family. Call up your ILs if your husband is too chicken. I've done that. MIL and I respect and like each other. She knows that when I say no, I have good reason to, and that her son is sometimes not as clear-headed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your husband put his mother’s feelings before yours?

I ask myself this all the time. It is a real bone of contention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I will tell my parents we are staying home and staying in. But DH is afraid to tell this to his parents who want to see us, suddenly with such great urgency! I’d send just the kids, but I am sort of feeling this selfish desire to be with my whole family, together, for more than a couple hours. If that makes sense.

No, what makes sense is that you put your foot down and insist on staying together as a family. Call up your ILs if your husband is too chicken. I've done that. MIL and I respect and like each other. She knows that when I say no, I have good reason to, and that her son is sometimes not as clear-headed.

That would start WWIII. He deals with her.