How you would handle the situation if your kid is being bullied?

[Anonymous]

My second grader started in a new school this year and there is this one particular kid that have been picking on him (kid A). A few weeks ago I got a call from the nurse that he was playing with another kid and his face is bruised but he is ok. When I picked him up his side face was totally scratched and luckily it didn't get to his eye, when I asked him what happened, he said that kid A jumped on him. after that, he reported that kid A was bothering him but minor things, like pulling his shoes when he was on the monkey bar and it was kid A, but he brought another kid too to pick on my kid that time and other incidents like this happened too. This morning he didn't want to go to school and he had a bruise on his arm, he said he was pushed from the back and didn't see who did it. When I talked to him more, it seemed that kid A had been still picking on him and at times getting other kids with him to do the same. He told me that that kid A is also telling him that he will rip his guts off and every day he picks one part of his body and tells him that he will rip it off. I told my kid to stay away from kid A, but he said he always finds him and he is so fast and ist hard for my son to run away from kid A. So this morning after drop off I went to the principal office and refused to leave till I talked to someone. The principal deputy was there and she met with me, she heard everything I have to say and she and I went to the class and she pulled my kid and the teacher out and looked at his bruise and asked him what happened, he told her what he told me in the morning. Then she sent him back to the class and was obviously upset from the teacher and asked him how that could that have happened in the class and told the teacher how come she was not made aware of these incidents and why these kids are not being separated. Anyhow she told me that she needs to gather facts about the situation and about kid A and she will call me back and we will meet soon to come up with a plan.
I think at this point I'm right to say that my kid was being bullied, the first accident, I thought it might be an isolated case, but now I'm sure it's not. This is our first year in a public school and not sure what will happen next. So what do school do in these situations? and if it doesn't stop, what are my options? how can I make sure that my son is not being hurt emotionally or physically?

[Anonymous]

(1) You make sure that the teacher and administration are aware of the problem. You keep a written record of every incident your kid reports, with photos of any bruises or scratches.
(2) You meet with the principal and discuss what options are available and create a plan to ensure that your kid is not bullied by Kid A. Make sure the plan is in writing. The plan is implemented.
(3) If your kid reports any further incidents with kid A, you go back to the teacher and administration to ensure they are aware and to figure out what needs to change. If things don't improve, you move up the chain to the school district administration.

IME, schools are going to take physical bullying pretty seriously, and it sounds like this principal is taking it seriously. Your job is make sure that you know what the school is doing (with the caveat that you may not know about everything that is happening with the other kid, because of privacy issues), and to follow up as needed if things aren't improving. Don't be afraid to take it up the chain if you have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(1) You make sure that the teacher and administration are aware of the problem. You keep a written record of every incident your kid reports, with photos of any bruises or scratches.
(2) You meet with the principal and discuss what options are available and create a plan to ensure that your kid is not bullied by Kid A. Make sure the plan is in writing. The plan is implemented.
(3) If your kid reports any further incidents with kid A, you go back to the teacher and administration to ensure they are aware and to figure out what needs to change. If things don't improve, you move up the chain to the school district administration.

IME, schools are going to take physical bullying pretty seriously, and it sounds like this principal is taking it seriously. Your job is make sure that you know what the school is doing (with the caveat that you may not know about everything that is happening with the other kid, because of privacy issues), and to follow up as needed if things aren't improving. Don't be afraid to take it up the chain if you have to.

Thanks this is helpful. I will put things in writing in a follow up email noe.

[Anonymous]

I would take pictures and email the Principal and the Principal Deputy. Your email should include your conversation with the Principal Deputy and what the Principal Deputy did. Be as specific as you can. Make sure you ask for a receipt that the email had been received and opened. I would also ask for the Principal Deputy to confirm what you said in the email was factual.

Essentially, create the paper train.

Document everything. If your child reports another confrontation with the other kid, make sure that you email the Teacher, Principal Deputy and Principal.

I would talk to your child and ask if there is another part of the story he has not told you. Has he called kid A names or retaliated in any way? Try and see if you can understand what the interactions before the bullying started. Because the school is going to talk to Kid A and his parents and they are going to tell their side. I am not saying that anything that your child did is deserving of being bullied or physically hurt but that there are two sides to the story and something might have happened that your kid has not told you about. You don't want to be surprised by what the other family says only to find out that your child confirms what Kid A said.

I would hope that Kid A is moved to a different class and is told not to interact with your child. I would make sure that you make it clear that you do not want the two of them in the same classroom next year or any following years.

But never let a conversation on this topic go undocumented. Follow up with an email saying "I wanted to make sure that I have a clear recollection of our conversation in front of the school on 27 Feb 2019...."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take pictures and email the Principal and the Principal Deputy. Your email should include your conversation with the Principal Deputy and what the Principal Deputy did. Be as specific as you can. Make sure you ask for a receipt that the email had been received and opened. I would also ask for the Principal Deputy to confirm what you said in the email was factual.

Essentially, create the paper train.

Document everything. If your child reports another confrontation with the other kid, make sure that you email the Teacher, Principal Deputy and Principal.

I would talk to your child and ask if there is another part of the story he has not told you. Has he called kid A names or retaliated in any way? Try and see if you can understand what the interactions before the bullying started. Because the school is going to talk to Kid A and his parents and they are going to tell their side. I am not saying that anything that your child did is deserving of being bullied or physically hurt but that there are two sides to the story and something might have happened that your kid has not told you about. You don't want to be surprised by what the other family says only to find out that your child confirms what Kid A said.

I would hope that Kid A is moved to a different class and is told not to interact with your child. I would make sure that you make it clear that you do not want the two of them in the same classroom next year or any following years.

But never let a conversation on this topic go undocumented. Follow up with an email saying "I wanted to make sure that I have a clear recollection of our conversation in front of the school on 27 Feb 2019...."

Thanks, the teacher was trying to give the excuse that my kid also play with kid A and that he is part of it and I had to stop the teacher right there. I told the teacher my kid is 8 and he wants to be accepted and liked and if he is playing with kid A, that doesn't mean that it's ok to get physically hurt, the teacher was not trying to say that, but was trying to blame both sides. It could be that my kid said annoying things too, But I know for sure he didn't lay a hand on kid A or any other kid in the class and that what I'm sticking with. My son told me that kid A had been pushing other kids, too, so this is what they are trying to figure out now. But this is a good point, I will make sure to get as much information as possible from my kid today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take pictures and email the Principal and the Principal Deputy. Your email should include your conversation with the Principal Deputy and what the Principal Deputy did. Be as specific as you can. Make sure you ask for a receipt that the email had been received and opened. I would also ask for the Principal Deputy to confirm what you said in the email was factual.

Essentially, create the paper train.

Document everything. If your child reports another confrontation with the other kid, make sure that you email the Teacher, Principal Deputy and Principal.

I would talk to your child and ask if there is another part of the story he has not told you. Has he called kid A names or retaliated in any way? Try and see if you can understand what the interactions before the bullying started. Because the school is going to talk to Kid A and his parents and they are going to tell their side. I am not saying that anything that your child did is deserving of being bullied or physically hurt but that there are two sides to the story and something might have happened that your kid has not told you about. You don't want to be surprised by what the other family says only to find out that your child confirms what Kid A said.

I would hope that Kid A is moved to a different class and is told not to interact with your child. I would make sure that you make it clear that you do not want the two of them in the same classroom next year or any following years.

But never let a conversation on this topic go undocumented. Follow up with an email saying "I wanted to make sure that I have a clear recollection of our conversation in front of the school on 27 Feb 2019...."

Thanks, the teacher was trying to give the excuse that my kid also play with kid A and that he is part of it and I had to stop the teacher right there. I told the teacher my kid is 8 and he wants to be accepted and liked and if he is playing with kid A, that doesn't mean that it's ok to get physically hurt, the teacher was not trying to say that, but was trying to blame both sides. It could be that my kid said annoying things too, But I know for sure he didn't lay a hand on kid A or any other kid in the class and that what I'm sticking with. My son told me that kid A had been pushing other kids, too, so this is what they are trying to figure out now. But this is a good point, I will make sure to get as much information as possible from my kid today.

I 100% agree that there is no reason for kids to be physically hurt. I don't think that your kid has hurt Kid A, otherwise the Teacher could have pointed to bruises and the like. But it is likely that Kids A family will not be happy when the school contacts them, and the school has to contact them, and will look for some way to blame your kid. In some ways it easier for the school if there is shared blame.

So talk to your child and tell him that he needs to be honest with you.

Tell him that he is not going to get in trouble for anything he tells you during this conversation but that the school is going to be talking to the other kid and get his side of things so you need to know everything that has happened between them. I would also emphasize that he well get into trouble later if the other boy says something and it is true and your son didn't tell you about it.

Then let him tell you what he tells you. If he has called the other boys name or done something he shouldn't have, don't punish him but remind him that you don't use mean words or however you talk to an 8 year old about these things. Reinforce that even if he did call Kid A a name or something negative had happened, that did not give Kid A the right to hurt him and that physical violence is wrong. Let him know that you are working with the school about this and that you believe him and are advocating for him.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your child on the younger/ smaller side for his grade? I know being new to the school may be the reason he’s being picked on, but I’m wondering if there are other factors involved like stature or is kid A one of these redshirted gigantics that should be in the next grade?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like kid A needs to be punched in the face... but yeah, you should email the Principal and voice your concerns. Your kid should also learn to protect himself, and also find other kid's to play with. Request that kid A be barred from the playground, if that's where your child likes to play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your child on the younger/ smaller side for his grade? I know being new to the school may be the reason he’s being picked on, but I’m wondering if there are other factors involved like stature or is kid A one of these redshirted gigantics that should be in the next grade?

No he is not. But also my son can be considered colored to some. That's makes me wonder if its part of it. But I have no idea..