SAHM to WOHM adjustment

[Anonymous]

I started out as SAHM. There was a lot about the arrangement I liked, but a lot I didn't like. Recently I've switched to going back to working outside of the home. I thought this would be the answer to all my problems, but I find myself overwhelmed. I've always been a strong worker. Now I feel like a failure. I feel like I don't have the mental bandwidth to excel at work, or the time to be the semi-super mom I used to be when I stayed home. Are my feelings common? How do other working moms manage this feeling? I was naively expecting to coast back into the working world and knock it out the park. Instead I feel subpar and my self-esteem is taking a real hit.

[Anonymous]

I went to full time from part time about 2 years ago. Be kind and patient with yourself; it takes time to adjust and relearn what to prioritize. This is also a good time to expect your kids and husband to pitch in more; the adjustment to working outside the home shouldn't all be on you. Presumably, the whole family will share in the benefits of your paid work and so they should also be picking up some of the things you used to do. The other thing is to see what your new salary can pay for to make your life easier. I'm not saying to go crazy and spend everything you earn on conveniences, but I am saying to strategically see where your salary can help to make your life easier and/or more fun. Something else to consider is that your work at work is probably fine or more than fine and you're being hard on yourself. Hang in there; it will get easier.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been back?

[Anonymous]

I work with a woman who picks up dinner for her family every single day at lunchtime. Soups, salads, chicken dishes, etc. She doesn't cook at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been back?

I've been back a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been back?

I've been back a month.

Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adjust. Don’t expect to be super mom, just be the best Mom you can be. There will be some areas that you have to adjust your expectations. It is hard to find the balance between work and home but a lot of us do it.

I am assuming that you have a reason for why you chose to return to work, try and remind youself of those reasons.

Pick your battles and be patient with yourself and your family as you all adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been back?

I've been back a month.

It will get better! My first month back (Pre-k teacher) I fell asleep by 9 every night and was so mentally exhausted I nearly cried. It got better quickly and I found it easier than staying at home.

[Anonymous]

Its not easy to manage two jobs, but you'll figure it out. Its only been a month. You'll get there.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

I think you need more than a month to wrap your mind around the transition. I work differently since having kids — in some ways better, I think, because I have to prioritize and be creative. You are a different person now, so it makes sense that your prior mental habits might not serve. Ultimately I look at it in the big picture, and try to think about what serves my needs and the family’s needs most. For me I definitely don’t think it would serve my kids if all the intensity I channel into work went into them. Doing more is not necessarily better.

[Anonymous]

When I went from full time WOHM to a preschooler to a SAHM, it took me a year to adjust. This is really not uncommon.
It is similar when going from SAHM to WOHM. There will be a big adjustment period. Be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never not worked but it’s hard. It’s get easier / you get more used to it / figure out things that work for you etc. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. I find working is easier. My husband is more of an equal partner and I have the excuse to outsource (food delivery, cleaning etc)

[Anonymous]

OP, do you remember something taking a hit when you had kids? Your friendships/relationships, your exercise regime, your travel schedule, anything? Things change when your situation changes. First, don't be so hard on yourself. Second, you need some time to figure out your new normal. Figure out what things you can outsource (cleaning, yard work, groceries, etc.). Then figure out what you can do without (staying up until 11 to finish the new season of Top Chef, plans every weekend, etc.). You just have to find a new way to manage your time. And EVERYONE should be affected by this change, not just you. I don't know how old your kids are, so perhaps they can't actually help with anything, but your husband certainly should. Now you shouldn't be the only one cooking meals, dropping off the kids, etc. Give it some time and be kind to yourself. It will get better.