Would you discuss this with the other parents (that are also your friends)?

[Anonymous]

A group of about 8 2nd grade boys have been friends since pre-school and still go to after-care together. The moms, including me, have become good friends over the years. My son has started to say that a couple of the boys are being mean to him and excluding him from games or activities that they are playing. If the roles were reversed - I'd want to know if my child was purposefully excluding a long-standing friend and would try to talk with my child about what is going on. Should I mention it to the other moms (who are also my friends) or just let it be and let the boys figure it out on their own. FWIW - my son's feelings are quite hurt.

[Anonymous]

I would maybe mention it to the after care staff 1st and see if they can help.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, I probably wouldn’t mention it.

[Anonymous]

Probably best to let them work it out but if you must say something definitely do so open to the possibility that your son has contributed to or even caused the problem. May or may not be the case but you will handle it so so much better when your friend says “oh that’s because your Larlo kept kicking them” if you go in with an open mind.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how you roll with your mom friend group, but I would. Our son is in K, and we have a solid group of mom friends that we've been hanging with since he was PK3. If you/they have known each other that long, I'd say something. But I'd be careful of how I phrase it.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to them, but I'd do it one-on-one, not in a group setting. Start with one who is likely to be most understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would maybe mention it to the after care staff 1st and see if they can help.

Agree. Your friends may or may not be concerned about this. Friendships change over time. Unless they are being downright mean, which it doesn't sound like they are, you may not get the response you are hoping for.

[Anonymous]

OP, to your friends, say ... this is what my son has told me. Do you have any insight?

Obviously your son's feelings are hurt. That almost doesn't need to be said. For now give it time.

If months pass and son's/your feelings are hurt -for your son- it's worth mentioning again, and then stating, both of your feelings are hurt but that you are trying to move past that and not have it affect your friendships with the adults. And then, work to do that, as long as the other adults meet you half-way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to them, but I'd do it one-on-one, not in a group setting. Start with one who is likely to be most understanding.

This. Pick the one you are closest with. I think it's worth feeling things out, but sadly this is how things go. It's natural for kids to grow apart - especially between ages 4 and 8!

[Anonymous]

No, tell your kid not to tattle and to work it out with his friends himself. Second grade is time to stop running to mommy.

[Anonymous]

See what the aftercare staff say

[Anonymous]

be careful OP. i have a son in a group like this and there is a LOT of he said / he said at that age. i'd also start with the staff and see what they say.

[Anonymous]

There's something about this age. I had a long chat recently with a mom friend who's son is having this experience. My son is newer to the class, so it's less of an issue for him, but it honestly breaks my heart that this is going on in our school. I suggested that she let the teacher know, so she can watch out for it happening at school during the day.

I would probably at least let the aftercare staff know. If you're very close to any of the moms, I may try to open the subject just to see if they're aware of any issues. If one of my kids were behaving unkindly, I'd certainly want to know.

[dcmom]

Nope, I'd encourage my kid to talk to them directly and work it out. Or maybe touch base with aftercare providers to get their perspective.

[Anonymous]

He should be telling the aftercare staff and getting them to mediate.

I regularly ask my child who he played with and if a child he usually plays with isn't included in the list, I ask why. I try to get my child to tell me if any child is being actively excluded and then I take this info to the adults in charge but never to a parent. If my child is being excluded or teased I am all over that but only with the teachers, and the one or two times this has happened the results of my intervention have been mixed. Often teachers don't see a problem with exclusion or meanness unless it rises to a certain level.

Is there anyone else he can play with? It also may be that your mom friends group will have to evolve as he finds different friends.