Spouse swearing in front of kids

[Anonymous]

Please help! DH continues to swear in front of the kids and when I give him a look, he just smiles and says sorry. I am not okay with it as younger DS (11) has severe ADHD and severe impulse issues and is already getting in trouble for not being able to keep things to himself. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Have you already discussed this away from the kids, in a calm moment? What did DH say?

[Anonymous]

Did this just start? Or has he been doing in front of DS from age 0 to 11? If he was previously able to control it, why is he now unable?

[Anonymous]

OP here- Away from it happening, he is able to calmly state that he will not do it. It just doesn't stop him.

I wouldn't say it is new behavior, but it almost feels like he understood not swearing around a 4 year old, but thinks it is normal around an 11 year old which I do not agree with. I also think that he is under more stress now so he doesn't think before he speaks.

[Anonymous]

I think context is important. Is he swearing at your kids in anger, or just generally swearing as a random part of conversation?

[Anonymous]

You need to be less concerned about your DH swearing and more concerned with teaching your 11 year old that swearing is not acceptable at his age regardless of where he hears it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be less concerned about your DH swearing and more concerned with teaching your 11 year old that swearing is not acceptable at his age regardless of where he hears it.

This. If the kid knows they'll get into trouble at school, they won't do it (usually)

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I swear in front of our 4 y/o here and there. We've explained, and he's been able to understand, that grown ups can say some words that it's not okay for kids to use, because grown ups know when and were NOT to say them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be less concerned about your DH swearing and more concerned with teaching your 11 year old that swearing is not acceptable at his age regardless of where he hears it.

+1

Your child is going to hear curse words like crazy in middle school, unfortunately...so it's really more important he understands that he is not allowed to curse regardless of hearing it elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

As my kids have grown older 14, 12, 11, we've started to swear more, like we used to before kids. Like I'll say "that was a sh*ty thing to do" They know I don't like it when they swear in front of us or other adults, but they also know that I know they use foul language with their friends, which is fine. They are just words and harmless as long as they know when and when it isn't appropriate to use them.

[Anonymous]

The one things that concerns me is the ADHD part. If the child is not able to differentiate when it is appropriate to use curse words, then this can become a bigger deal.

[Anonymous]

Do you think if DH didn’t say those words, your son wouldn’t be exposed to them?

Does your son think he’s allowed to do everything DH does? Like if he saw DH having a beer, would he expect to be allowed to as well? Or driving? Staying up late?

It’s just like anything else. He doesn’t get to do everything adults do. You’re not your husband's mother, so don’t set yourself up for that dynamic.

[Anonymous]

I bet your DH is able to refrain from cussing at work. So he can control himself... when he really wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet your DH is able to refrain from cussing at work. So he can control himself... when he really wants to.

Maybe he disagrees with his wife on this parenting decision and thinks it’s not the end of the world if he says damn in front of his kid occasionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As my kids have grown older 14, 12, 11, we've started to swear more, like we used to before kids. Like I'll say "that was a sh*ty thing to do" They know I don't like it when they swear in front of us or other adults, but they also know that I know they use foul language with their friends, which is fine. They are just words and harmless as long as they know when and when it isn't appropriate to use them.

Yep, this.