The Ethics of Telling on Friends

[Anonymous]

I've always been disturbed by the seemingly incongruous message at the end of "Scent of A Woman." This writer gets to the heart of my concern over how some people interpret or misinterpret this movie.

https://www.overthinkingit.com/2009/01/08/the-ethics-of-scent-of-a-woman/

Am I alone in worrying that some people think the message is flat out: never snitch, no matter what?

[Anonymous]

Snitches get stitches?

[Anonymous]

I'd be shocked if kids these days are getting any messages at all from Scent of a Woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always been disturbed by the seemingly incongruous message at the end of "Scent of A Woman." This writer gets to the heart of my concern over how some people interpret or misinterpret this movie.

https://www.overthinkingit.com/2009/01/08/the-ethics-of-scent-of-a-woman/

Am I alone in worrying that some people think the message is flat out: never snitch, no matter what?

I like the article, but what does this have to do with school and education? Can you relate this to something going on in schools today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always been disturbed by the seemingly incongruous message at the end of "Scent of A Woman." This writer gets to the heart of my concern over how some people interpret or misinterpret this movie.

https://www.overthinkingit.com/2009/01/08/the-ethics-of-scent-of-a-woman/

Am I alone in worrying that some people think the message is flat out: never snitch, no matter what?

I like the article, but what does this have to do with school and education? Can you relate this to something going on in schools today?

I also don't think the article is saying anything that most people don't already believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always been disturbed by the seemingly incongruous message at the end of "Scent of A Woman." This writer gets to the heart of my concern over how some people interpret or misinterpret this movie.

https://www.overthinkingit.com/2009/01/08/the-ethics-of-scent-of-a-woman/

Am I alone in worrying that some people think the message is flat out: never snitch, no matter what?

I like the article, but what does this have to do with school and education? Can you relate this to something going on in schools today?

The Gonzaga incident where allegedly so many boys stood around and didn't tell.

[Anonymous]

I would be mortified if my kid was a snitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be mortified if my kid was a snitch.

Then they are going to have problems in any high school or college with an honor code. 2 kids were expelled from Flint Hill recently for not coming forward when a friend drew a swastika.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be shocked if kids these days are getting any messages at all from Scent of a Woman.

Hahaha

[Anonymous]

I’d be mad if my kids DIDNT “see something and say something.” Are you insane?!? A snitch, by the way, is someone who is also guilty and tells on another.

[Anonymous]

I am actually a bit concerned about the focus my kid’s school puts on not “tattling”. I try to be patient with it because I know I am not a kindergarten teacher dealing with 25 kids saying “Johnny cut in line”, but I’m also not sure how well they can distinguish at that age between the things they can resolve themselves and the things they can’t. I don’t want my kid running to the teacher about stupid stuff like line cutting, but I want him to know that the teacher will listen if he is saying someone is bullying him or someone else, even if he doesn’t say the magic word “bully”. We actually did have an incident where he went to tell the teacher about someone being mean to him, but because he’s 5 years old he didn’t explain it exactly right and the teacher gave him crap for tattling instead. It’s one isolated incident, so not a big deal, but I wonder what message it sends in the long run and how it meshes with the anti-bullying campaigns alll the schools are working on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am actually a bit concerned about the focus my kid’s school puts on not “tattling”. I try to be patient with it because I know I am not a kindergarten teacher dealing with 25 kids saying “Johnny cut in line”, but I’m also not sure how well they can distinguish at that age between the things they can resolve themselves and the things they can’t. I don’t want my kid running to the teacher about stupid stuff like line cutting, but I want him to know that the teacher will listen if he is saying someone is bullying him or someone else, even if he doesn’t say the magic word “bully”. We actually did have an incident where he went to tell the teacher about someone being mean to him, but because he’s 5 years old he didn’t explain it exactly right and the teacher gave him crap for tattling instead. It’s one isolated incident, so not a big deal, but I wonder what message it sends in the long run and how it meshes with the anti-bullying campaigns alll the schools are working on.

In kindergarten, the message for children is no tattling. You're getting ahead of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am actually a bit concerned about the focus my kid’s school puts on not “tattling”. I try to be patient with it because I know I am not a kindergarten teacher dealing with 25 kids saying “Johnny cut in line”, but I’m also not sure how well they can distinguish at that age between the things they can resolve themselves and the things they can’t. I don’t want my kid running to the teacher about stupid stuff like line cutting, but I want him to know that the teacher will listen if he is saying someone is bullying him or someone else, even if he doesn’t say the magic word “bully”. We actually did have an incident where he went to tell the teacher about someone being mean to him, but because he’s 5 years old he didn’t explain it exactly right and the teacher gave him crap for tattling instead. It’s one isolated incident, so not a big deal, but I wonder what message it sends in the long run and how it meshes with the anti-bullying campaigns alll the schools are working on.

I remember being concerned about this in K too. They are tryin to get kids to handle playground disputes appropriately on their own, but I agree sometimes the message backfires if a kid feels like they are "in trouble" for going to a teacher as opposed to being taught and encouraged to address the playground dispute themselves. Some adults are good at teaching this and some aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually a bit concerned about the focus my kid’s school puts on not “tattling”. I try to be patient with it because I know I am not a kindergarten teacher dealing with 25 kids saying “Johnny cut in line”, but I’m also not sure how well they can distinguish at that age between the things they can resolve themselves and the things they can’t. I don’t want my kid running to the teacher about stupid stuff like line cutting, but I want him to know that the teacher will listen if he is saying someone is bullying him or someone else, even if he doesn’t say the magic word “bully”. We actually did have an incident where he went to tell the teacher about someone being mean to him, but because he’s 5 years old he didn’t explain it exactly right and the teacher gave him crap for tattling instead. It’s one isolated incident, so not a big deal, but I wonder what message it sends in the long run and how it meshes with the anti-bullying campaigns alll the schools are working on.

I remember being concerned about this in K too. They are tryin to get kids to handle playground disputes appropriately on their own, but I agree sometimes the message backfires if a kid feels like they are "in trouble" for going to a teacher as opposed to being taught and encouraged to address the playground dispute themselves. Some adults are good at teaching this and some aren't.

As a former K-1 teacher, this is a tough one. Some kids will come up and say "he looked at me!" and others won't tell anything. It's a fine line between oversensitivity to others and those that are bullied. No teacher wants bullying, but it's really hard to always get it right.

My general rule of thumb: are you hurt? Is anyone else hurt? Then, I don't need to hear about it. However, when it comes to name calling, etc, that does not always work. So, you have to listen and judge.
"Johnny won't play with me" is another issue. In these cases, distraction sometimes works on the playground--go find another kid for him to play with. Sometimes, these are the kids who do not understand how to join in and may be upset that Johnny won't leave the other kids to do what he wishes to do.

Guidance to your own child: if someone is being hurt, then tell the teacher. If someone is being mean in other ways, try to resolve it yourself. If it continues, then tell the teacher. But, the problem lies in determining what is "mean."