Ex husband and his family
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Anonymous
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What are your thoughts? What can I do legally?
Ex and his wife have a family vlog they put on YouTube. They also have a public Instagram that’s very public and has several thousand followers. I don’t care what my ex and his wife do with their life or how much they share with the public. I do not feel comfortable having photos and videos of my daughter on YouTube or on a public Instagram. In my work I’ve seen enough to make me extra precautious of what information I’m putting out there and generally very suspicious of social media. I don’t have a Facebook or any public social media aside from an Instagram account that’s private and I do not post pictures of myself or my daughter. It’s mostly pictures of my hobbies (sewing, knitting, quilting). I know I’m a bit extreme but I have my reasons. I’ve attempted to speak to my ex about my feelings about him posting pictures of our daughter. He’s dismissive or will say he will stop but the posts continue. I’ve counted and my daughter is in 17 of their videos. In one you can see the outside of her school. They say her full name several times and it’s known what city they live in and they’ve shown the outside of their house where my daughter is every other weekend. My ex thinks I’m overreacting, and I know my “no social media at all” rule is not the norm. But I need to keep my daughter safe and I don’t want her to be exploited for views and likes and I’ve had numerous conversations and before consulting my lawyer I want to have one last discussion with my ex before it turns into a huge issue. Any suggestions? |
Anonymous
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Posted before I could finish title.
Ex husband and his family vlog |
Anonymous
| If there is no order, he can do what he wants but I'm with you. Get a lawyer and take it to court. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn’t like this either.
But yeah there’s nothing you can do unless you’re willing to take it to court. |
Anonymous
| He is 50% her parent and this is simply a difference in opinion. You can try to take him to court over it but I am not sure how onerous it would be to even have this ruled upon, much less enforced. Sorry you two aren’t on the same page. |
Anonymous
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I don’t think any of us should be posting videos featuring our kids. These images will be their digital footprint forever. Its not that I’m 100% antisocial media for family life but I don’t name my kids, don’t feature them and am conscious of what I think is SO cute could embarrass or color their future. (I actually do instagram & FB for industry peers as I’m good at it and live and breathe it all day.)
I’d educate gently but until your child is old enough to state their views your ex may continue to discount what any experts in exploited children would tell you. |
Anonymous
| Have you tried emailing youtube saying they don't have consent to post your daughter online? |
Anonymous
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As someone who watches several family vloggers on YouTube I totally agree with your concerns. I can’t believe the lack of privacy these parents are giving their kids. For every thousand followers you will be bound to have a couple nuts. Also would be worried about other children from DDs school watching videos and teasing her.
Put your foot down OP. |
Anonymous
New poster and though I don't watch family vloggers I agree with this post. The school isn't going to say so (unfortunately) but schools do not like this kind of full and easy identification of the specific school a specific child attends; this all makes it too easy for any random stranger to turn up at a school. And before someone posts that it's paranoid and silly to worry about that -- do a little research about the attention these vlog families get. OP, if you pursue this with the court, update us please. You may be creating a precedent for other parents who do not want their children's names, faces and locations splashed all over the place. It's amazing how naive about the Internet some of these "post everything" parents really are. |
Anonymous
| I don't think that the court is going to do anything. Your ex has the same parental rights that you do. The court would need a really compelling reason to take that away. ' I don't approve ' is not going to be enough. |
Anonymous
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This would concern me too. Just last week a friend told me about how a man, posing as a 12 yr old girl in a town about an hour from us, made contact with her DD via Instagram.
Luckily her DD happened to tell her mother “I made a new friend” one evening, which led to them sitting down and going through her messages, and ultimately led to the police. The mom has a company and the company website features family photos. From that plus the mother’s IG he was able to glean a lot of info about the DD, her interests, and location. They have now locked everything down, but this man certainly knows where the family lives—house listing was posted on IG when she put her house on the market. He’s not local so I don’t know what police follow up was in other jurisdiction if any, and in all likelihood he’d move on. Still, scary stuff. I have politely but firmly asked family members to remove videos and untag photos before. I guess if I were in your shoes I might try that one more time, then try the social media companies directly. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| There is nothing that you can do. Maybe if you could prove harm or imminent risk of harm, buy I don’t see how you could show that. |
Anonymous
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I think this is something you should speak to an attorney about. I think that you as her other parent have veto rights over this.
I think there is an issue here where you have leverage because your ex is profiting from the images and videos and because I know that people have been able to put clauses about this stuff in their divorce and custody agreements. I would speak to an attorney in your state and attempt to renegotiate the custody agreement. It sounds like you have full custody and he just has visitation. Do you have full legal custody? |
Anonymous
NP, but OP has no grounds on which to put her foot down. The person who is posting the images/videos is the childs PARENT. No more, no less than OP. Unless OP has SOLE custody (meaning, father has no legal decision making rights) which is not stated in her post. Courts aren't going to step into this, but may caution him to not use the child's name. |
Anonymous
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Speak to an attorney - I have no idea if this has been addressed in a custody situation, but there certainly is a right to privacy aspect here.
How old is your daughter and how does she feel about this? If she also objects, then I think you pursue it in a custody hearing. In California, kids have the right to ask for social media posts about them to be deleted (cited in the law review article below). This article isn't going to give you answers, per se, but this is an issue that is going to come up more and more. I would not be at all surprised to see it included in future custoday agreements: http://law.emory.edu/elj/content/volume-66/issue-4/articles/sharenting-children-privacy-social-media.html This might also give you some insight and strategies: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jessicabaron/2018/12/16/parents-who-post-about-their-kids-online-could-be-damaging-their-futures/#6cdc518727b7 |