Introverts in a social neighborhood

[Anonymous]

I would classify both my husband and myself as introverts. We get along with our nerdy friends but they're not close in this area. But we never grew up in a social/partying type of environment either. We enjoy spending time with our kids and our immediate family, but meeting with friends once maybe every 2-3 months would be perfectly fine with us as we get our adult conversation time with others while we're at work. With kids in elementary school. We've had to adjust to going to more sports events, birthday parties, invited to more neighborhood social events, which have helped us to be more social and I think it's a good thing.

However, each time I have to go to any social event it hypes up my anxiety. I always have to feel like I have to be "on" like at an interview, to be interesting, etc. I know likely the other people don't care one way or the other, but I thinks somethings we might come off rude/snobby as we tend to not chat for extended amount of times during some of those events. Sometimes it's because I honestly don't know what to say as we don't have that much in common outside of talking about kid problems or I just feel like what I have to say really won't be that interesting so no need to waste their time.

So question to other introverts, what do you do to help yourself be more comfortable in social settings?

[Anonymous]

Your post basically describes me and DH, except that DH is less introverted than I am, so he does ok at somewhat structured social activities like work happy hours and block parties. I still find it very tough and wait for people to approach me instead of approaching them. Honestly... what helps me is having an alcoholic beverage as soon as I arrive. I don’t drink a lot, but an initial glass of wine really helps. It also helps to have a drink to hold. We also just had a baby last year, so this is going to sound terrible, but it’s a relief being able to take our baby to events help me have something to do and talk about. I’m not standing around awkwardly, I’m purposefully tending to my daughter!


You may find therapy helpful. I’ve never tried. But I also don’t have any friends in this area despite having living here for 8 years, so perhaps I should try it.

[Anonymous]

You have described me too. I would say that I’m always friendly if people want to chat with me but I do have my quiet days where I’m necessarily “on”.

I also found that I have fun at these events so my dread and anxiety level have gone down. I look forward to chatting with some of these people and have made some friends which help.

[Anonymous]

Well firstly, I just suck it up. Secondly, I fake it. I can fake being on like nothing you've ever seen. There have been people who've been SHOCKED to find out I'm an introvert, and I point out to them that they've never seen me collapse at home once I'm alone and can be off.

I don't attend every event. I can drop my older daughter off to everything these days. I rarely go to parties. If I go to some sporting event I bring a book.

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems better than being an extrovert in an introverted neighborhood, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would classify both my husband and myself as introverts. We get along with our nerdy friends but they're not close in this area. But we never grew up in a social/partying type of environment either. We enjoy spending time with our kids and our immediate family, but meeting with friends once maybe every 2-3 months would be perfectly fine with us as we get our adult conversation time with others while we're at work. With kids in elementary school. We've had to adjust to going to more sports events, birthday parties, invited to more neighborhood social events, which have helped us to be more social and I think it's a good thing.

However, each time I have to go to any social event it hypes up my anxiety. I always have to feel like I have to be "on" like at an interview, to be interesting, etc. I know likely the other people don't care one way or the other, but I thinks somethings we might come off rude/snobby as we tend to not chat for extended amount of times during some of those events. Sometimes it's because I honestly don't know what to say as we don't have that much in common outside of talking about kid problems or I just feel like what I have to say really won't be that interesting so no need to waste their time.

So question to other introverts, what do you do to help yourself be more comfortable in social settings?

We are introverts but we also enjoy seeing neighbors and visiting and those types of things. I agree with PP, being an extroverts in an introvert neighborhood sucks. That is where we are now. We are not extroverts, but the people around us are really unfriendly and keep to themselves.

As for social settings, we don't try to be interesting. I also hate talking about the kids because it becomes competitive. We talk about books or movies or "where did you grow up", that kind of stuff. And we make sure we have quiet time ALONE when we get home.

[Anonymous]

I am just like you and other introverted pps.

It REALLY helps me to brush up on current topics that I think may be discussed or that I can bring up to stave off awkward silences. At the neighborhood level you have a lot of local topics to choose from, so that’s good.

People with school aged kids will usually happily talk about what the kids are doing; I like talking so people with slightly older kids so I can ask them questions about the camp/sports landscape, high school, etc. I confess to feigning interest in things I couldn’t care less about just to keep the questions, and conversations, rolling.