Wishing time would slow down

[Anonymous]

Thinking about how fast my babies are growing up. I am WOH but flex my schedule as much as possible to see them (worked from home their first years, home early or leave late many days). Wondering if SAHP also feel that things pass way too fast, or if spending every minute with your kids prepares you more for the different stages and makes you feel like you got all the time you could with them. I am just curious how people feel because I think it is easy to idealize one or the other. But when I think about my SAH mom she was very busy with chores and three kids so even though I WOH I think I might spend just as much quality time with my kids as she did, if not more because she didn't have the resources to outsource anything.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you are doing fine. No need to put down hypothetical others to prove it to yourself. All parents feel the passage of time acutely because growth in our children is so dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you need to tell yourself to feel better about your choices, hon.

[Anonymous]

DS is about to finish 6th grade and it seems like just yesterday I was dropping him off to start 1st grade...

[Anonymous]

I stay home. My kids are 14 and 9. It still feels as if time went by too fast! I can't believe we're already talking about college readiness for my oldest!

[Anonymous]

I think "the days are long but the years are short" applies to everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think "the days are long but the years are short" applies to everyone

I've heard this expression frequently in the last few months. I wonder if something's in the air? The expression makes me feel sad, then I refocus and get back in the moment.

[Anonymous]

I’ll bite.

I was a SAHM when my children were little (and I’m part time now.) I truly believe every parent feels like time moves too fast - and nostalgia for those baby snuggles is real!

However, I completely disagree about quality time. I felt like I got to see the best of my children every day. For us mornings was when they were most engaged/curious - ready to take on the world! That’s when we got out of the house for the fun outings and I saw the most engagement from them. Then we’d come home for lunch and they’d nap. Afternoons we’d do a short errand, play date or stay home. This is also when I’d get chores done/make dinner etc. Evenings were definitely about decompressing and getting ready for bed.

All of that to say that the quality of our interactions definitely declined as we approached bedtime. Of course, they were still happy and playing, etc but they were clearly tired from the day and winding down. And of course, once school starts this really becomes obvious. Most Kindergarten kids need a lot of time to decompress at home after a tiring school day. So, for school age kids - I completely agree with you. The difference between the quality time that you get with your children whether you work or stay home is not hugely significant. . (Caveat, I still don’t see how you think having LESS time with your children would result in more quality time but... okay)

However, before school age? No way. For babies/toddlers/preschoolers there is a HUGE difference in the quality time you get with your children if you stay home. That said, it only really matters a few years - so, a very small chunk of their childhood. If you have a job where you wouldn’t be able to go back after taking time off, it probably would’t be worth it to stay home. (At least not to me - I was fortunate in that I could easily return when I was ready.)

We all make choices and trade offs in our lives. Be realistic about yours.

[Anonymous]

I stay home and don’t feel like time is going fast. I do try to enjoy each day regardless of the current challenging g stages, knowing that things change so quickly. By the time another milestone is reached I am ready to be there and happy they are growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking about how fast my babies are growing up. I am WOH but flex my schedule as much as possible to see them (worked from home their first years, home early or leave late many days). Wondering if SAHP also feel that things pass way too fast, or if spending every minute with your kids prepares you more for the different stages and makes you feel like you got all the time you could with them. I am just curious how people feel because I think it is easy to idealize one or the other. But when I think about my SAH mom she was very busy with chores and three kids so even though I WOH I think I might spend just as much quality time with my kids as she did, if not MORE because she didn't have the resources to outsource anything.

Ha! By this logic, my big law DH spends the MOST quality time with our kids! (He outsources everything house related.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite.

I was a SAHM when my children were little (and I’m part time now.) I truly believe every parent feels like time moves too fast - and nostalgia for those baby snuggles is real!

However, I completely disagree about quality time. I felt like I got to see the best of my children every day. For us mornings was when they were most engaged/curious - ready to take on the world! That’s when we got out of the house for the fun outings and I saw the most engagement from them. Then we’d come home for lunch and they’d nap. Afternoons we’d do a short errand, play date or stay home. This is also when I’d get chores done/make dinner etc. Evenings were definitely about decompressing and getting ready for bed.

All of that to say that the quality of our interactions definitely declined as we approached bedtime. Of course, they were still happy and playing, etc but they were clearly tired from the day and winding down. And of course, once school starts this really becomes obvious. Most Kindergarten kids need a lot of time to decompress at home after a tiring school day. So, for school age kids - I completely agree with you. The difference between the quality time that you get with your children whether you work or stay home is not hugely significant. . (Caveat, I still don’t see how you think having LESS time with your children would result in more quality time but... okay)

However, before school age? No way. For babies/toddlers/preschoolers there is a HUGE difference in the quality time you get with your children if you stay home. That said, it only really matters a few years - so, a very small chunk of their childhood. If you have a job where you wouldn’t be able to go back after taking time off, it probably would’t be worth it to stay home. (At least not to me - I was fortunate in that I could easily return when I was ready.)

We all make choices and trade offs in our lives. Be realistic about yours.

This is interesting. I WOH but have flexible hours, I started doing some Mommy & Me classes with the toddler in the mornings just to see that fun energy they have. Maybe I will switch my hours around to get more time in the morning.

re: spending more "quality" time with them, I guess I just know a lot of SAHMs without help who seem to be depressed or overwhelmed. They spend a lot of time at Target and the child gets screen time in the afternoon for at least 1-2 hours. I totally get it. It's impossible to be "on" all the time. My mom was SAH and mostly I remember her doing stuff around the house -- cleaning, making food, laundry, errands, etc. -- while we played by ourselves. Since I WOH, I'm really conscious of being "on" when we are hanging out, whether that's playing on the floor for an hour or doing outings or special activities. I feel like it's easier for me to have the energy to be present and interactive at those times since it's not a 24/7 situation which I imagine could be high burnout. But maybe this is different for every parent.