I lost the bond that I had with my oldest daughters after giving birth to my youngest

[Anonymous]

I know it sounds horrible but it's true. I'm shocked at how much my feelings towards them have changed. I thought it was just postpartum hormones but it's been almost 2 years now and seems to be getting worse. I used to be very protective of them, check on them several times a night etc. Now, I'm not protective at all and I rarely check on them at night.
The main problem (In my opinion) seems to be their arguments/fighting with eachother. They drive me mad. Everyday there is something that ends up making me extremely angry. They are just not enjoyable to be around. I've tried the corner and seperating them yet they still somehow make a joke out of it. They are so hard to handle and I'm trying so hard.
I sometimes honestly wish it was just me and my youngest sometimes. Though, I have been trying to fix this feeling. I leave my youngest with DH and bring my oldest 2 (5 years old and 6 years old) out on mommy and me dates. Nothing seems to work.

[Anonymous]

This could definitely be related to postpartum depression, even 2 years later. I’d get it checked out.

[Anonymous]

This sounds normal to me. Your kids are getting older and your relationship changes. It is okay to not check on your sleeping 5 yr old multiple times a night. It is okay to feel frustrated by fighting kids. Your youngest will join in soon enough. If you feel completely overwhelmed then read some book about challenging behavior and what to do and do it consistently. Honestly, they sound like normal sibling relationships though- fighting, joking around, etc.

[Anonymous]

It is not normal to check on healthy, normally developing children several times per night. So I'd argue that you not wanting to do that anymore is a good thing.

However, I agree with the other PP that you should check in with a therapist on this.

[Anonymous]

Could you try taking the 5 and 6 year olds out separately for time with you? I mean you spend time with 5 year old one day, and the 6 year old another. It sounds like the older two are lumped together, and the toddler gets one-on-one time. Sibling squabbles are normal, but you do need to have ways to feel connected to each child individually, not as part of a squabbling pair.

[Anonymous]

I recommend the book Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings. It’s a bit wordy but talks about modeling behavior you want to see in your children and strategies when they start fighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds normal to me. Your kids are getting older and your relationship changes. It is okay to not check on your sleeping 5 yr old multiple times a night. It is okay to feel frustrated by fighting kids. Your youngest will join in soon enough. If you feel completely overwhelmed then read some book about challenging behavior and what to do and do it consistently. Honestly, they sound like normal sibling relationships though- fighting, joking around, etc.

+100
Just about to write this.

Your relationship changes regardless if whether you had a (second or) third kid. They grow up, are less dependent on you (which is bittersweet), have different interests, personality matures, school plays an influence, etc.
Your cute mommy-and-me trio you had before your youngest came along wouldve dissolved anyway (or at least changed).

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs that this has as much to do with their age as anything else. Was also going to suggest one-on-one time with each kid, rather than (or in addition to) one on-two time.

[Anonymous]

I feel this to some extent with my children. My younger child is extremely high-needs so almost all of my energy gets sucked into managing this child. My older child is very self-sufficient and I need to force myself to reach out and have more day-to-day interactions because naturally they just don't happen as often. I try to schedule more 1:1 activities with older child and try to remember to give hugs, etc.

Fake it until you make it?