5 year old social skills

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old is outgoing and makes friends easily. He is about in the middle in terms of “bossiness,” it seems — not the most laid back kid, but not the most insistent leader either. Friends come over to play and I do not notice any crying or fighting — they want to stay more and more and 5 year old often give away his possessions for them to keep without a fuss. Recently I noticed that when playing with his little sister who is 2 he seems to have a lot of trouble sharing or coming up with compromises that will allow them both to play nicely. The 2 year old is gentle and just wants to copy and learn. But 5 year old snatches, controls, and resorts to serious sulks when he does not get his way. I don’t know if this is normal sibling rivalry or if he needs to work on his cooperative skills more. He goes to a Montessori school so although they go outside three times a week there is not an emphasis on play based learning. What can a normal 5 year old do in play? What skills do you work on with your kids and how?

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal. Kids are different with their siblings than their friends. Older siblings think they should get to be the boss all the because they're older; often they are surprised when the younger doesn't agree.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal, but I would reinforce when you see it that we treat all people nicely, especially family. They are developmentally at such different ages. You might brainstorm with him some ways they can play where they both have fun and have turns to lead the play. You can tell him he is the big brother so he can help you teach the baby how to play nicely. A lot of this is about prevention, and some of it will be natural consequences. Don’t allow unkindness, and keep on with plenty of play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds normal. Kids are different with their siblings than their friends. Older siblings think they should get to be the boss all the because they're older; often they are surprised when the younger doesn't agree.

+1

And two five-year-olds, at roughly the same level of maturity, can work things out more easily than a five-year-old and a kid with limited verbal skills and even less impulse control. Two-year-olds are frustrating sometimes, and a little kid doesn't always have the same capacity to make allowances or be patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s normal, but I would reinforce when you see it that we treat all people nicely, especially family. They are developmentally at such different ages. You might brainstorm with him some ways they can play where they both have fun and have turns to lead the play. You can tell him he is the big brother so he can help you teach the baby how to play nicely. A lot of this is about prevention, and some of it will be natural consequences. Don’t allow unkindness, and keep on with plenty of play dates.

OK, thanks . . . I am reading Siblings without Rivalry, they also stress the prevention part.