4 year old impulsive and doesn’t listen
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Anonymous
| My four year old (5 in March) DS is in a play based preschool 9-2:30 right now and we’ve progressively started getting reports that he doesn’t listen, follow directions, control his body, talks out of turn, etc. at school. We have started seeing these behaviors at home as well and have been working hard for months on boundaries and consequences without much improvement. It’s really frustrating because before PreK he never exhibited these behaviors in his earlier preschool classes and was a polite, on task kid. I can’t figure out if this is a stage. I have a hypothesis that these behavioral changes started developing after he had a major surgery last summer. Either way, I’m going to make an appointment with his pediatrician. Perhaps some kind of therapy would help arm our family with strategies. The school is nice but haven’t offered a lot of structured action plans at all. Looking for resources online and others with similar experiences. It’s hard because he just seems like a totally different kid than a year ago and we are all frustrated. I want to turn the corner before kindergarten. |
Anonymous
| Has he changed his sleep patterns? dropped a nap or started staying up later? Sleep is so connected to behavior. |
Anonymous
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My daughter is the same age and while her teacher says she's a joy in class, we've been dealing with some undesirable behaviors at home recently. Based on my friends with kids in the same age group (birthdays February through April), I think some of it is a phase related to developmental progress (their little brains are learning so much and connecting the dots to get ready for kindergarten) - similar to how sleep was disrupted when they were infants learning to crawl or walk.
We've also noticed with our DD that if we give an inch, she'll take a mile - stay up late to watch a movie, refusal to go to bed; give a treat, whines and demands more, etc. So we're just not in a loosey goosey phase with her right now, it's all about structure and transparent expectations. Frustrating as hell, but I know she and we will be okay. |
Anonymous
He still does an hour nap after school and that often makes him stay up too late. I’ve toyed with the idea of cutting nap so he will fall asleep closer to 8:00pm rather than 9:30. He naps at home with a nanny and has a 2 year old sister that naps at the same time. Our late bedtimes are schedule related. My husband and I work 9-6 or 6:30 most nights. Our family sleeps in until 7 or 7:30 so I’m not sure if sleep is an issue but willing to play around with it. |
Anonymous
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Eh, figure out how much sleep he gets. If you get rid of the nap then he'll be loud and not listen while his sister is trying to sleep. And that will KILL you and the nanny. So keep the nap.
It might be that after the surgery when he was recuperating you (naturally and necessarily) were more forgiving because he was in pain, had just had major surgery, etc. so you gave in more easily, didn't have as hard rules, etc. Is this possible? In which case, then it might be that he's so used to that, and he's now expecting NO boundaries and limitations. So then getting a little bit of parenting help might help you to set limits and stand by them. Alternatively, it might be that the other 4 year olds have grown up and are more able to regulate their behavior (not pushing, shoving, hitting, leaning on kids, listening, etc) but he isn't - in which case it might be related to the surgery and your response to it OR it might be that there is a bigger issue and you should figure it out and start teaching him how to regulate before kindergarten. So yes, ask your pediatrician for a list of parenting coaches/therapists. One place you can also look at it Jonah Green Associates https://www.childandfamilymentalhealth.com/ |
Anonymous
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My kid just turned 5 and is doing more pushing boundaries, not listening, challenging everything I tell her, and seems to have less impulse control than before. This is all at home, but at preschool. I guess it’s a phase?
I do notice that if she gets lots of time to play/run around outside, things go much more smoothly. |
Anonymous
| I think it’s always worth asking the kid what is running through their minds while at school. You have to do this when all is calm and you’re free to cuddle up somewhere and just ask and listen without correcting or judging. After a few times of this safe opportunity, you might hear themes emerging, like he hates sitting in chairs so much or he hates being last in line, or he feels he never gets a chance with some toy. Ask him how his engine feels inside him at school. Is it too fast, or just right, or too slow? Ask him when at school his engine has to be slowed down and when it’s okay to be fast. Ask him who his favorite teacher is and why. I would also ask the director or someone on staff with training in child development to do a classroom observation to see if there are triggers they notice. |
Anonymous
+1 DS has been pushing boundaries at school, not sitting still in group meetings and not following direction. It’s been tough to handle. |
Anonymous
| Maybe its a bad school/teacher fit. |
Anonymous
| How much screen time is he getting? |
Anonymous
| Also make sure the sleep he is getting is quality sleep. If he snores, grinds teeth, breathes through mouth instead of nose, etc, these are all things that can disrupt sleep. If there's a possiblity the surgery he had may have impacted his sleep in some way, it'd make me even more likely to explore this route. |
Anonymous
| Sleep plays a huge part in my DC's impulse control and general agreeableness. Still does at 5. |