Transition to middle school talk has made my tween an anxious mess
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Anonymous
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I was just thinking how well this school year has been going. She transitions to middle school next year (7th) after being at the same school since K. They had a counselor come talk to the whole grade level about registering for classes and middle school in general. I don't think the counselor said anything specific that set her off, but she is just suddenly realizing everything changes next year. She could not cope with homework at all tonight. Lots of irritability and crying. Lots of anxious questions about next year. I was calm and validated her feelings, but also reassured her.
Anyone else's kid freaking out? |
Anonymous
| My DD starts middle school next year, though she’s only in 4th grade, and yeah—she sometimes has little anxiety freak-outs about it. It’s her way of raising the subject and talking through what will be a huge change in her life. I’d imagine it’s even more pronounced in your daughter since she’s further along in the puberty hormones game! |
Anonymous
| Address what she is worried about from changing classes to operating her locker. Will the school offer tours so she can learn her way around? When will she get her schedule? Will the school be open and available for kids to walk their schedule? Do you know any current students that could answer some of her questions? |
Anonymous
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I’m sorry your daughter is feeling anxious. Change is scary. I have a middle school student, and I think middle school has been really good for him. Middle school students have a lot more choice in the subjects they get to take and there are lots of after school clubs for every interest. Talk up the positives.
Does she know anyone in middle school that she can talk to? Maybe a neighbor? Can she attend a play, concert, or sporting event at the school? Good luck! |
Anonymous
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You've gotten great advice. I would ask for specifics about what is making her nervous and address those with her one by one. But when you address them, ask her for the solution rather than offering it yourself. This way she will learn how to soothe her own anxiety.
Also someone suggested that you talk about the good things middle school has to offer. Again, ask her to tell you what the positives are and then you can suggest some if she can't think of any (more class choice, clubs, etc.). She will probably be anxious until she starts but this will help. |
Anonymous
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Get her a copy of The Smart Girl's Guide to Middle School by American Girl. My DD found it reassuring.
https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Everything-Juggling/dp/1609584066/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1609584066&pd_rd_r=b569bc7c-2ed8-11e9-a334-33fa5821b81e&pd_rd_w=AyGNE&pd_rd_wg=ONlEW&pf_rd_p=90485860-83e9-4fd9-b838-b28a9b7fda30&pf_rd_r=8JCMARFH4ZTD1415MYQD&psc=1&refRID=8JCMARFH4ZTD1415MYQD |
Anonymous
This helped my DD (who started MS this year) a lot. Our school had an open house one day the week before school started and DD and I spent a lot of time there. We got her schedule that day and walked it several times (her choice), starting from where they're dropped off by the bus in the morning, to her locker, to her first class, etc. It really helped her grow comfortable with it. We also put her lock on her locker that visit, and practiced it a lot. It also helped to see friends that day and they compared schedules. When she saw classes they shared, she was relieved. I also think as others have said, if she has someone she knows who is in that MS, it's good to talk to them. My DD has a neighborhood friend two years ahead of her in the same MS and she chatted her with some. My DD was very concerned about changing classes, having enough time to get to the next class, changing for PE, etc. It helped when our neighbor assured her there was plenty of time. changing for PE at first was weird, but you get used to it in two days. Another thing that may be helpful is finding out how the girls in your MS dress. You and DD could go shopping one day to buy new clothes and DD may feel excited about that. |
Anonymous
| Don’t know your specifics, to it was helpful for my DD to have activities that weren’t based in school, like dance and sports and scouts, and to see that they would still fit in her schedule even with the change in school so (if this is true for you). |
Anonymous
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OP here. All wonderful suggestions. She will have sports outside of middle school where she has friends. The 2 neighbors who go to this middle school are not happy there so not into getting their input. Yes, there is an open house and another day they run through the schedule and we will attend. She is excited about electives and we will take a look at clubs at the school. I will get her that book. I will try to find out more of what specifically makes her anxious.
She was much better this morning, but I think we will see waves of this. I expect another wave when they actually visit the school this Spring if not before. Also, some of her friends are moving so the goodbye will make her very emotional which I know is normal. |
Anonymous
| This is all great advice, especially walking the school and practicing with the locker a lot. Those stressed DS out a ton. |
Anonymous
| I'd point out to her that EVERYONE goes to middle school and works it out, so she will too. I'd have her practice opening a combination lock a few times at home, but that's it. |
Anonymous
| My son was like that at the beginning of 5th grade (middle school starts in 6th grade where we live). We realized after visiting big public middle schools with him that he really disliked them. We toured a parochial k-8 school and he loved it. He has friends and is sporty and social but dislikes large groups of wild kids. He likes rules and order. He loved touring the parochial school so much in the middle of 5th that he ended up switching mid-year in 5th so he would be guaranteed space in 6th. Our younger son is looking forward to public middle school. |
Anonymous
NP here with a rising middle school girl—thank you for the rec! |