Poll: my very fastidious toddler is now...

[Anonymous]

Just curious what may be in store for me. My 2.5 yr old is incredibly fastidious, and everything has to be done in exactly the right way. He's very empathetic and social and our pediatrician has never even mentioned the autism spectrum, so I don't think it's that (though I could be wrong). Just wondering if anyone else had a 2.5 yr old who won't go to sleep until his room is put away exactly as it should be, for example, and if so.... did that behavior continue? how did it manifest as he/she grew up? Any approaches that worked well to handle times when things need to be good enough and can't be perfect? Wondering if we should be encouraging more flexibility now rather than just letting him do things the way he wants to.

[Anonymous]

This can be a sign of a highly anxious child. You should definitely be encouraging flexibility. Your kid needs to have a sense of the difference between preferences and things that he can’t function without.

[Anonymous]

This is the sensitive period for order (Montessori)

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 year old dd is just like this. I don’t think autism at all. I believe she’s very clean and anal retentive. My dad is OCD so we’ve been watching it closely. She’s very in tune with others emotions and we’ve seen other things that don’t suggest autism. She just likes organizing her blocks and putting her shoes in order.

[Anonymous]

My sensory-averse toddler has grown up to be a slightly less sensory-averse teen. Still has difficulty crossing his midline, working both hands in coordination, grabbing with palm contact instead of with his fingers.

Progress: going to pony camp and getting a dog. He now pats the dog's head with the tips of his fingers, and managed to handle a pony (sit on an animal and hold the reins and everything! He did fall off because he was holding the reins so loosely!).

And you know what? That is the least of his many issues. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my best friend’s kid. He is basically the same at 4.5, although I think it’s gotten a bit less notable over time, a little more flexible. I think preschool helped, maybe some combination of socialization and chaos.

[Anonymous]

It is pretty age-typical for 2.5. Not to say that it can't also be a sign of other lasting personality attributes, but many, many inflexible 2.5-year-olds outgrow this phase. I kind of wish my 7yo who used to want everything put away still had a few threads of that left.

What helped for us during that time was "big deal, little deal"--where each time things don't go as planned, you categorize it as a big deal or a little deal and you coach the child to react accordingly. Most things are, in fact, little deals but you have to build capacity to be flexible about them, and that's hard at that age. And some things are really, truly big deals, and I think it's important to hold that and give kids space to react when things really don't go as they were supposed to go. Preschool also helped hugely with this, as flexibility/bending was a big part of their social-emotional curriculum.

[Anonymous]

I have to say that my kid is somewhat like this-- since that age (she's now 6). I worried a tiny bit about anxiety/OCD, but honestly, I think it's just that she's on the more organized end of typical. And my husband and I both have ADHD, LOL, so she seems extremely organized to us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My sensory-averse toddler has grown up to be a slightly less sensory-averse teen. Still has difficulty crossing his midline, working both hands in coordination, grabbing with palm contact instead of with his fingers.

Progress: going to pony camp and getting a dog. He now pats the dog's head with the tips of his fingers, and managed to handle a pony (sit on an animal and hold the reins and everything! He did fall off because he was holding the reins so loosely!).

And you know what? That is the least of his many issues. Sigh.

Holding the reins loose isn't why he fell off. You're supposed to hold the reins loose. Your child should not be using the reins (which are attached to a bit inside the horse's mouth) as a means to stay on the horse. You use your legs to stay on.

[Anonymous]

It means nothing at all that your general ped hasn’t suggested autism. They only do in extreme cases. See a dev ped if you actually suspect autism. Rituals and rigidity are of course part of such a diagnosis but are present in NT kids and kids with all kinds a of other issues also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: This can be a sign of a highly anxious child. You should definitely be encouraging flexibility. Your kid needs to have a sense of the difference between preferences and things that he can’t function without.

This. My somewhat anxious child likes his routines. Most children like routines, but flexibility is good too. You don't want your kid having a meltdown because daddy had to drop him at preschool today even though mommy usually does.

[Anonymous]

As a toddler: would spend hours putting a key in a lock and locking and unlocking, very into things being arranged in certain ways
Preschooler: wanted to wash her hands all the time, hated unfamiliar textures, wore swim shirts for about a year because she refused other fabricss
At 8: somewhat anxious, but responds really well to basic interventions, no other issues, reasonably flexible

[Anonymous]

I thought having a tantrum because Mom gave the blue cup instead of the red cup type rigidity was fairly normal?

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty normal, although I also think that some kids are more this way than others (mine is). DH and I are low key about it, don't make a big deal of her particularities, and model being flexible ourselves. Our kid is 5 now and although she's still pretty fastidious, she's not anxious or showing signs of perfectionism.

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 yo will spend quite a lot of time organizing things just so at bedtime, but I think it’s basically a stalling tactic.

OP, are there other times of day this manifests?