Are you the bad cop?

[Anonymous]

I have an 18 month old and 4 year old, and I have realized I am always the disciplinarian. I am a SAHM so I get the good, the great, the bad, and the very bad throughout the day, but I am getting irked that even when my husband is home he either ignored bad behavior (and I deal with it) or he goes from 1 to 100 and is screaming at the kids (and I deal with it). I understand there is going to be a group here who will say just let him do it his way, but his way is not way too harsh in my opinion for such little kids. Nothing physical, just very loud and aggressive.

How do others handle this? I was told by my oldest tonight that he doesn't love me, and I am just hurt that I always get this behavior bc my husband is never doing any of the hard stuff.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk with your husband. You need to agree on what sort of behavior and language is acceptable and unacceptable, and present a firm united front to your kids.

DH and I both play good cop AND bad cop. We back up whatever the other one says.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar dynamic at home, except that my children have always preferred me (and now they are much older, but I read the titles in Recent Topics). No matter how strict I am, they know that I am reliable and trustworthy and that I love them. Their father has some mental instability and they instinctively feel that.

I suggest you explain why there are rules and discipline at a moment when they are calm, in words they can understand.

And that you miss no opportunity to smile, hug, laugh and tell them you love them.