How to travel with family who have different finances?

[Anonymous]

We're going to a big city about 3 hours from my parents house. We're flying in and staying downtown so we don't have to rent a car/bring car seats. We invited my parents to visit us while we're there. Both of my parents just can't stop complaining about the hotel (a Hilton Garden Inn that's nice). They want to stay further out so they can park, bring their dog and get a much nicer hotel. They want Ritz level of hotels. They started saying how we could get a cheaper Hilton Garden Inn further out even.

I felt like by inviting my parents I was extending them an olive branch. Last time we traveled with them they forced us to stay in a hotel that was 3x what we could afford on a road trip in my 7 passenger car. We make half what they make (we make 150k) and have two toddlers so finances are tight but we like to travel.

After my mom's rant about our Hilton Garden Inn, I calmly told them they were disinvited and I was done traveling with them. I can't stand how they call us cheap so often. Constant fights over where to eat, where to stay on vacation. Even when they stay at a swanky hotel down the street, it's still somewhat shitty because they constantly refer to us slumming it down the street. They're crazy right? I'm not even cheap, I just don't want to spend $300 a night on a hotel. We can't afford the same things that they can and I'm sick of them talking about it.

[Anonymous]

Tell them they are welcome to pay for your room at the expenosve place. Otherwise they need to be quiet!

[Anonymous]

Yes, they are being rude. Did your mom grow up wealthy such that she doesn't get what its like to be in the ramping up and saving years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they are being rude. Did your mom grow up wealthy such that she doesn't get what its like to be in the ramping up and saving years?

OP here. No they grew up poor and like to spend everything they make. DH and I are much better savers. My mom compares me constantly to her mom, who was frugal because she didn't have any money.

[Anonymous]

there is not a thing in the world wrong with hilton garden. my step mom won't stay there either because she is a snob. what a pita she is.

[Anonymous]

My general rule when traveling is that you stick to the lowest budget. Any deviations upward (like a nice dinner) are paid for entirely by the party suggesting/demanding it.

[Anonymous]

Your travel is perfectly reasonable, and you are right to quit trying to travel with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My general rule when traveling is that you stick to the lowest budget. Any deviations upward (like a nice dinner) are paid for entirely by the party suggesting/demanding it.

+1

I would have told your mom that she could either pay for your hotel room or she could stop complaining.

I agree it's no fun to travel with people who are really cheap. But that's not the same thing as having a reasonable budget and priorities.

[Anonymous]

Or you could have told them you have a budget and a plan to be in the city but they can go to their choice of hotel and you’ll just meet up in the city for a few activities when they work around the dog.

[Anonymous]

You don’t know how to play the game, dear.

Should have said: “Sure Mom, why don’t you go ahead and reserve rooms at X? We’ll pay you back when we can. Thanks!”

And then never do. Either you’ll get several years’ worth of luxury vacations, or they’ll leave you alone for the next one

[Anonymous]

Do not change your plans. They can either join you...or not. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just the facts.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you stay at the Hilton Garden Inn, which I think is nice, and they stay farther out somewhere else. You meet up when it’s convenient for you both and each have time apart to enjoy your own vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You don’t know how to play the game, dear.

Should have said: “Sure Mom, why don’t you go ahead and reserve rooms at X? We’ll pay you back when we can. Thanks!”

And then never do. Either you’ll get several years’ worth of luxury vacations, or they’ll leave you alone for the next one

I like you

[Anonymous]

And you expose your husband to this crazy mother of yours? My DH would not for a second put up with her and tell me I can see my parents alone. Dear lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I would have told your mom that she could either pay for your hotel room or she could stop complaining.

but even then its not justthe hotel room. its car seats, a rental car, parking down town, the extra hassle for the OP to have to drive and park, ect. you canpt put a price tag on the convience of being down town

so think about if the city was NYC. she can either stay downtown and then not have to worry about a car, parking car seats, ect, but once you leave the city, the parking struggle is real... not to mention just truing to get into the city from the burbs...

tell her you are staying down town. they are more than welcome to visit...