I sound ridiculous when I tell the kids to "settle down"...help!

[Anonymous]

Please arm me with some strategies for getting my boys 6 and 4 to settle down (stop wrestling, pinching, shaking their butt, goofing around when it's time to turn to something else or it's getting out of hand). I can't help myself from saying "it's time to settle down" and doing some light lecturing ("We had silly time, now it's serious time while we finish your jammies, teeth, hair." But it usually just sends them into the giggles. And, then I usually give myself a time out if I don't yell. I do the bedtime routine by myself.) I'm not sure of the natural consequences, since we don't do TV, candy, or video games on weeknights, and I don't want to take away story or game time because that's my favorite time with them. And, when they're rowdy, they're not playing with toys, so I can't just take an object away. Last night, the oldest wanted to have a dance party, where we turn up the tunes and do their "fighting dances", which is fun, but then it's near impossible to get them to settle down afterward. It seems the sillier I am, which is necessary for me because i'm usually too serious, they just turn it up (sigh...). How do I engage in games and dancing, etc for fun, but then turn to something else? The boys are generally well-behaved and tend to be quiet at school. The 4 yo is the one who has the biggest difficulty in tuning it down, due to both personality and age. I've thought about a behavior chart, but I just have a hang up over it for whatever reason (and I don't want to tie the 6-yo allowance to it). It seems complicated, but I'd love to hear any specifics if charting works for your family. Anything! Help!

[Anonymous]

Two thoughts. Plan a quieter activity activity to follow the active one so that they naturally wind down. Second, talk to them about it. When my oldest was six, I had a talk with him about how annoying it was that he wouldn't settle down at bedtime and it made bedtime unpleasant for all of us. We decided on some key phrases that I could use when I was at my wits end and he agreed that when he heard them, he would calm down. It took a lot of prompting and reminding, but it worked really well. In fact, even now, four years later, if he is too wound up at bedtime, I will remind him about how annoying it is and he will calm down.

[Anonymous]

Bedtime stories are one of my favorite times as well as my DS's. It's the last thing I want to take away, but when I have warned that it would be a consequence for not settling down or getting bedtime washing/chores done, and it has been taken away it's been a truly memorable consequence. Most of the time I use this as a carrot -- if you don't hurry you won't get to pick a long book or I can only read you one book or chapter. I would say I have to use storytime as a stick only about once every six months. Bedtime usually goes very smoothly for us, I think because I use this both as carrot/stick.

[Anonymous]

Watch animal planet. Watch some of the dog training shows. I'm not trying to be obnoxious (I swear). The dog whisperer really understands how to use your voice.

Transition is always hard for kids, so cut them some slack.

[Anonymous]

What about quiet stretching after dancing? Yoga moves. Tall like a tree, proud warrior, downward dog, etc. THat will get their heart rates down (maybe?) and then you can proceed with bedtime routine (teeth, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Change the music to change the dancing. Go from wild and silly to softly swirling to quiet and peaceful. And then play the same music every night during tuck in, stories, whatever you do. We are uber silly during shower, teeth brushing, bathroom time, etc. We dance and sing, shake our booty, make up silly stories, silly words, silly games -- our latest is combining our dog's name with other words to make a new word. When bedtime music goes on, she just palpably changes gears and then we climb in bed and do reading. I model the next step and, after years of practice, she follows along. I would use a timer to time each section of bedtime. 10 mins silly dancing, tooth brushing 5 mins, potty 3 mins, 5 mins pjs, music and stories 20 mins.

[Anonymous]

OP here: thanks all for the good suggestions...very helpful!

[Anonymous]

read the book 1 2 3 magic and follow it to a T... I have been a nanny for a lot of families it is the easiest way to get what you want from them... Plus you don't have to seem like some crazy person.