If you have kids with anxiety that manifests as irritability, what has helped?

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 year old who has mild anxiety, but who finds himself blowing up occasionally (particularly when playing sports) and cannot de-escalate. We've got an appointment to see a therapist - but I wonder if any of you wise parents have advice or solutions that worked for you. He gets angry enough to yell at his teammates and friends, throw things etc. (Yes, there are consequences to his poor actions from a parenting perspective as well).

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Following - sounds very similar to my DS who is also 9.

[Anonymous]

Prozac.

But is it anger management or is it that he's overwhelmed in groups with alot of noise and action going on? Does he blow up when unexpected things happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prozac.

But is it anger management or is it that he's overwhelmed in groups with alot of noise and action going on? Does he blow up when unexpected things happen?

He blows up when things aren't as he expected -- or when his team (or equivalent) is losing. Looks to blame others for problems.

[Anonymous]

Therapy definitely helped for us, providing lots of coping mechanisms for dealing with disappointment (when things don't turn out as expected). We also did learn more about our child's sensory issues that fed into the anxiety. One book that helped us was the Highly Sensitive Child.

Also, we learned to make plans for what to do when things weren't going well so that we could move quickly to a calming strategy when things were escalating. These were talked about as a family and agreed on ahead of time, and following the plan is highly praised and rewarded. (E.g., when things are starting to feel frustrating in a group, child will walk away and take ten deep breaths or do 15 jumping jacks before re-engaging, more if needed. If that doesn't help, child can seek help from an adult (parent on sideline). If more time is needed, we can ask the coach to rotate out on next substitution and take time on the bench.) Therapy helped our child become aware of and notice her own physical cues for when her anxiety/anger were starting to build, so she could start to switch to calming strategies.

[Anonymous]

Meds have helped with our tween, we started Zoloft around age 9 or 10. We also do therapy, we used to do it weekly but now do it every other week. We have taken him out of activities that stress him out too much. He is better when he has more control over things.

[Anonymous]

Yep, therapy. Helps the kid unpack 1) the triggers and antecedents to the explosion and 2) figure out other strategies to minimize their frequency.

[Anonymous]

If these blow-ups are happening frequently, we focus on making sure our life isn't out of whack somehow: is DC getting enough sleep, well-balanced meals, reasonable limits on sweets, screen time, and also extracurriculars. Are we, the parents, irritable most of the time and we don't notice it? And we carve out more one-on-one parent/child time - this seems to help the most.

[Anonymous]

Routine. Clean eating. Strict bedtime. Reduction of social media. Exercise. Meditation. Having parents around.

Conversing in low tones help my irritable kids. We are now always using lower volume indoor voice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If these blow-ups are happening frequently, we focus on making sure our life isn't out of whack somehow: is DC getting enough sleep, well-balanced meals, reasonable limits on sweets, screen time, and also extracurriculars. Are we, the parents, irritable most of the time and we don't notice it? And we carve out more one-on-one parent/child time - this seems to help the most.

OP here. Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prozac.

But is it anger management or is it that he's overwhelmed in groups with alot of noise and action going on? Does he blow up when unexpected things happen?

He blows up when things aren't as he expected -- or when his team (or equivalent) is losing. Looks to blame others for problems.

My HFA son also does this. Very hard time with transitioning, disappointment..cant take blame for anything so lashes out at everyone else.
Antianxiety meds have helped and so has a group he goes to which focuses on identifying feelings, learning to descalate, and flexibility. I would think those coping skills would help many kids

[Anonymous]

Therapy was very beneficial for the reasons others explained. It takes a while and you have to measure your success in relative terms: kid's recovery from meltdown was quicker; kid still had meltdowns but fewer; kid was in horrible mood but didn't lash out; and so on until you get to a point that feels like where you wanted to be.

Sometimes medication provides the necessary jumpstart. It artificially elevates the mood in a way that makes child more open to therapy or makes child actually able to use techniques learned in therapy. For us, a very low dose of prozac for 1.5 years made a HUGE difference. We had been doing therapy for a longtime before that--and it was helpful in terms of parents learning how to manage the anxiety--but not so helpful for my son until he took the medication.

He has been off the medication for much longer than he was on it now and certainly still has anxiety but really none of that constant irritability. He never lashes out really almost ever--occasionally at a sibling but I would say less than average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Routine. Clean eating. Strict bedtime. Reduction of social media. Exercise. Meditation. Having parents around.

Conversing in low tones help my irritable kids. We are now always using lower volume indoor voice.

This is excellent advice. I've found this gets us a long way.. Though most of it is not as easy as it sounds, just trying and making incremental improvements helps a great deal.

[Anonymous]

A year of therapy didn't work. Stratter did.

[Anonymous]

Martial arts helped a lot for mine.

Also, having an IEP helped.

The book, What To Do When Your Temper Flares, is good and uses CBT principles. for the kid him/herself.