Bus Troubles
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Anonymous
| My daughter is in 5th grade and takes the bus to and from school. She is having trouble with some of the other kids on the bus. There are two girls who are very catty to her--calling her names, whispering about her. One of them is a patrol, a student who is supposed to make sure the other students follow the rules on the bus. There is a boy who is particularly mean to her--pushing her out of seats, calling her ugly. He has a friend who is a patrol that simply stands by doing nothing. I was reluctant to do anything about this right away. I didn't want to go to the principal or counselors because I thought it would only make it worse for my daughter. Things are not getting any better, however. Also, my daughter is not always the most pleasant person--she comes off as a know-it-all and likes to correct people. In this situation, she is being singled out. I tell her to not interact with these kids, but that doesn't stop the whispering and nasty looks. I put in a call to the assistant principal and waiting for a call back. Any advice on how to handle this? I am so sad for her. |
Anonymous
| She should work on herself before complaining about other people. |
Anonymous
Whispering and nasty looks are not against "the law", but pushing someone out of her seat and directly insulting them is! If you are in MCPS, you should file the bullying form giving the boy's name and citing the exact dates when he pushed your daughter and called her names. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry you all are going through this. It sounds like you know your daughter may be contributing to this, perhaps without realizing how she's coming across. Of course, that doesn't make the behavior by the other kids okay. She needs to get out of the mix for a while. I'd tell her to bring a book and sit directly behind the bus driver. This will hopefully let the situation simmer down. |
Anonymous
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You file a bullying complaint immediately and follow-up with your child's teacher. Focus on the boy who is calling her ugly and pushing her: this is verbal and physical assault, and you absolutely need to protect your child! My children's MCPS elementary was responsive and efficient in dealing with these problems. |
Anonymous
Says the bully and bully enabler. Shame on you. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Yes, my daughter does have behavioral issues. She has ADHD and can be annoying. In general, she is not catty. She just has problems with impulsivity. In the bus situation, she doesn't have an ally. She's alone amongst the perpetrators and bystanders.
I had a call with her principal who definitely sees this as a problem. The principal and the counselors are going to look into this to see if it's a bullying issue. They will work with my DD to make a plan. It's tough for kids who don't do well socially. They put people off without intending to. |
Anonymous
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I think you did the right thing, talking to the assistant principal. Especially pushing a student out of his/her seat is dangerous and should be brought to the bus driver's attention. IMO, he/she should have put an end to it already and moved your DD up to behind him/her to ensure her safety. That's what our bus driver does.
The social aspect of it is tough. My now-adult DSS has some social issues, can be a know-it-all and he doesn't always pick up on social cues (e.g., when it's time to end a particular conversation because you've bored someone to death), but that doesn't mean he should have been treated poorly by his peers in school or on the bus. |
Anonymous
| I think you did the right thing too. It sounds like she’s trying to figure things out and if she’s ADHD that makes it even harder. Violence is never acceptable, and I’m hope the school comes down hard on these kids. I bet their parents suck too. |
Anonymous
Sorry OP- my DS12 has ADHD and he was bullied too. It's really hard to deal with- I think other kids start out by responding to behavior that they don't like (reasonable imo) but it eventually morphs into targeting and social bullying. DS often talked about not having allies- I think it makes the bullying worse when kids are isolated because other kids think they can do or say whatever they want without being challenged. I know for my son, when things really turned against him at school the bullying escalated in frequency and severity within such a short period that we withdrew him. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks for all your kind words. I’m glad someone understands. I agree that it starts with kids responding to behavior they don’t like and then it quickly descending into bullying. I regret not contacting the school earlier. I was afraid the kids would retaliate, but they’re already so awful to her there’s little to lose. |
Anonymous
| In FCPS there are cameras on the buses and you can ask to have the tape pulled. Bullying is not okay and every kid on the bus needs to learn that quickly. The patrol teacher needs to be clued in to talk with the patrols or pulll their belts. All kids need to know to speak up when they see something. I’m sorry this is happening. |
Anonymous
I totally get that, I'm the same way. My DD had an issue with a classmate last year in 5th grade and at first I advised her to just avoid him, not wanting it to escalate or DD looking like a tattle. But when she broke down in tears one day, I met with her teacher the next day, who then took to steps to resolve it and it ended. I felt terrible for not doing that right off the bat! |
Anonymous
OP- I don't know if you have done this, but social skills classes helped my DS. He still has qualities that are difficult/ annoying but he learned to think about how others might perceive his words/actions. It made a difference- he now has friends in his new school. The key is a fairly intensive curriculum- so not a loose group, but a class. I hate bullying but have come to see that the most protective thing I can do for DS is to arm him with a better skill set. |