Do you adjust your relationship if someone wronged another family member?

[Anonymous]

And you’re stuck in the middle?

Say your mom did something awful* to your brother in law, and your sister isn’t talking to your mom anymore. Your sister told you what happened and you found her behavior equally atrocious. Obviously your perception of your mom changes, but do you also alter your own relationship, to support your sister? Like, I won’t reward bad behavior?

*Without giving out identifying information, my sister had a minor medical emergency on Christmas Eve and my SIL didn’t notify her until the morning. She lost it on BIL for not calling her immediately and had quite a few choice things to say to him, told him he’s a horrible person, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you’re stuck in the middle?

Say your mom did something awful* to your brother in law, and your sister isn’t talking to your mom anymore. Your sister told you what happened and you found her behavior equally atrocious. Obviously your perception of your mom changes, but do you also alter your own relationship, to support your sister? Like, I won’t reward bad behavior?

*Without giving out identifying information, my sister had a minor medical emergency on Christmas Eve and my SIL didn’t notify her until the morning. She lost it on BIL for not calling her immediately and had quite a few choice things to say to him, told him he’s a horrible person, etc.

SIL should be SISTER!

[Anonymous]

At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

They aren’t, but in the past, my husband has taken the same crap from my mom. I almost feel like it’s time to take a stand. I’m really upset with my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

Or stand up for what’s right: “Mom, the way you treated Bart and Lisa was uncalled for. You’ve treated my husband Homer that way in the past as well. Maybe spending some time alone to contemplate why you treat people the way you do would be beneficial.”

[Anonymous]

Your mother is out of line. It isn't really your business but I would not snub my sister. Your mother though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

Or stand up for what’s right: “Mom, the way you treated Bart and Lisa was uncalled for. You’ve treated my husband Homer that way in the past as well. Maybe spending some time alone to contemplate why you treat people the way you do would be beneficial.”

THIS IS HOW I FEEL, exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother is out of line. It isn't really your business but I would not snub my sister. Your mother though...

So what should I do? What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

Or stand up for what’s right: “Mom, the way you treated Bart and Lisa was uncalled for. You’ve treated my husband Homer that way in the past as well. Maybe spending some time alone to contemplate why you treat people the way you do would be beneficial.”

This is probably the best approach.

[Anonymous]

File it under not my problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

Or stand up for what’s right: “Mom, the way you treated Bart and Lisa was uncalled for. You’ve treated my husband Homer that way in the past as well. Maybe spending some time alone to contemplate why you treat people the way you do would be beneficial.”

This is probably the best approach.

+1 How is your mom reacting to your sister and BIL now? Is your sister getting the support and help that she needs? If not then you can point out ways that your mom can help your sister in recompense and to show contrition. Or you can suggest ways that your mom can make it up to your sister and BIL. I hope your sister is doing better, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

Or stand up for what’s right: “Mom, the way you treated Bart and Lisa was uncalled for. You’ve treated my husband Homer that way in the past as well. Maybe spending some time alone to contemplate why you treat people the way you do would be beneficial.”

This is probably the best approach.

+1 How is your mom reacting to your sister and BIL now? Is your sister getting the support and help that she needs? If not then you can point out ways that your mom can help your sister in recompense and to show contrition. Or you can suggest ways that your mom can make it up to your sister and BIL. I hope your sister is doing better, OP!

More … I think the biggest thing for me would be that the offender (mom, in this case) would need to make an apology to my sister and BIL for losing it AND not recognizing that her prior bad behavior is why they didn't race to notify her. The apology would be key for me.

[Anonymous]

Why takes sides? This isn't WW II.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point is either groups asking you to take sides? You can support your sister and BIL without getting into with your mom.

Or stand up for what’s right: “Mom, the way you treated Bart and Lisa was uncalled for. You’ve treated my husband Homer that way in the past as well. Maybe spending some time alone to contemplate why you treat people the way you do would be beneficial.”

Do not drag up old issues unless she is indignant that she never does this. Otherwise you will just make matters worse and she will dig her heels in.