Dating with an age gap, and in different stages of life

[Anonymous]

I'm 22, and I've gone on a few dates with this amazing guy who is 28. I really like him, and generally, age gaps don't bother me, but he and I are in different stages of life.

I'm 22, living in an apartment with a roommate, and I am in my second year of medical school. He is 28, has a well-established career, he owns a house, has an ex-wife, and a 1-year-old daughter.

This hasn't led to any conflicts yet, but I am looking for a long-term relationship and I'm wondering if this would cause issues in the future. One example I'm thinking about is how he would like a big family. I do too! But logistically I want to wait at least until I finish my residency, which would be in about 8 years, but he wants a sibling for his daughter, and so on and so on.

I'm thinking things would be different if I wasn't still in school. Maybe there wouldn't be an issue if I was 22 with a full-time job.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or anecdotes about this type of situation. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

This is less about the age gap and more about being in different stages. You’ve worked hard to get to medical school. Don’t let a guy who wants kids derail you. At 22, you don’t need a 1yr old and an ex-wife.

Date him until you’re no longer into him. It will probably evolve naturally as you become more tied up with school and his child grows and has more weekend/evening activities.

[Anonymous]

Listen sis, I started dating, my now husband, when I was 23 and he was 30. So I’m not against age gaps. But in this case, I would focus on Med school and let things unfold how they should. All this talk about big families is premature because you haven’t had a chance to realize yourself yet, if that makes sense. You haven’t lived alone as an adult, finished Med school (or whatever goal you have for yourself), establish a career, etc.

He on the other hand has had a chance to fall in love, get married, experience having a child, bought a house, established his career or at least mid level career. You would regret any thing that took you away from your life goals, including this guy and any future children you would have with him.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

I would be more concerned that he's divorced with a 1 year old daughter. That means he's very recently divorced. I wouldn't want to be a rebound relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is less about the age gap and more about being in different stages. You’ve worked hard to get to medical school. Don’t let a guy who wants kids derail you. At 22, you don’t need a 1yr old and an ex-wife.

Date him until you’re no longer into him. It will probably evolve naturally as you become more tied up with school and his child grows and has more weekend/evening activities.

This. How are you 22/second year of med school in less you graduated college very early. Age gap like that is no big deal but I'd be worried this guy isn't into a commitment when he divorced when his child was an infant (in less ex cheated).

[Anonymous]

LMAO at six years being an "age gap". Oh to be so young again!

[Anonymous]

This dude is crazy to demand a sibling for his daughter. Run girl run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned that he's divorced with a 1 year old daughter. That means he's very recently divorced. I wouldn't want to be a rebound relationship.

+1. There are so many men out there without the baggage. I wouldn't want my daughter dating a divorced guy with a kid when she's that young and still in school.

Have fun with him, but don't get serious. Wait until your career is established and find a successful man without the ex wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

Stay focused on your career. I married a med student and knew that through surgical residency that he was not going to be present. If this guy thinks you are going to be a part time Mom he is clueless when you are working 80-90 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

OP. You must be really smart to have graduated college at 20 and in the 2nd year of med school (or if in the direct admit program started your college at 17). You were probably also a bit of a nerd in High school and focused on studies as opposed to boys. Don't let this relationship derail your life. Boys will come and go but once you get off the education track to have a kid, it becomes very difficult to get back on. I'd take the advice of others here. Stay the course. You will find other, better guys.

[Anonymous]

Op you are too young to be dating someone with so much baggage. There are so many single men with no kids available to you. Focus on med school and on dating guys with less baggage.

[Anonymous]

Op, one of the thread, something about Life lessons, was don't marry a divorce mam! Hmm

[Anonymous]

Dude sounds too recently divorced and regardless you are 22, do you want to sign up for a stepchild at this stage in your life? Run run run you are in your prime!!!

[Anonymous]

He has a 1 year old and is divorced? Did they divorce before the child was born, or very recently? That’s baggage that might be a bit too much for someone in your stage of life. You’ve only been on a few dates and already he’s talking about wanting a sibling for his daughter?

Honestly, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong for you; maybe it would be great but he has to accept your life and focus for what it is. Med school is all-encompassing, as is residency. You may need to move a some point. You’ll have very little free time. That’s all non-negotiable; you need to be with someone who understands and accepts that.

The age difference itself is no big deal, though.

[Anonymous]

What concerns me is that you have only gone out on a few dates and he's talking about wanting siblings for his child. Is he exhibiting any other red flags? Because getting too close too fast is a was that abusers start to get control of you.

I'd personally take this REALLLLLLY slow if at all.