Gift used as pawn?

[Anonymous]

My mother is manipulative and I believe she is engaging in “love bombing” using expensive gifts. Before Christmas, she presented me with a gift that was “more” than anything she’s ever given me. She hasn’t come into any windfall or anything like that. But today, she happened to call with an interesting favor to ask, and was quite mad when told her I couldn’t accommodate. Now, silent treatment and “after what I gave you”.

How to deal?

[Anonymous]

Ignore the connection between gift and favor, and ignore her attempts to suggest you owe her the favor. You can tell her “thank you so much for the X. I didn’t realize there were strings attached to your gift” and see what she says. If need be, be prepared to give it back so she can’t try to hold it over you.

What was the gift and more importantly what is the favor??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the connection between gift and favor, and ignore her attempts to suggest you owe her the favor. You can tell her “thank you so much for the X. I didn’t realize there were strings attached to your gift” and see what she says. If need be, be prepared to give it back so she can’t try to hold it over you.

What was the gift and more importantly what is the favor??

I’m prepared to send it back if I need to, somehow. It’s an expensive kayak. Nothing I would have bought for myself, plus I like the one I have, but it’s very high end. It was like she found the most expensive decked out one she could find. Then she asked me if she could use my husband truck tomorrow to move her friend (would be multiple round trips) and then come help move large furniture with her.

[Anonymous]

What a strange plan. She could have just paid for movers, unless she didn’t want the friend to know she paid for the help for some reason.

[Anonymous]

First off there are no truly expensive kayak. There may be expensive kayak trips but we’re not talking a yacht here. Second, you can’t loan your mother a vehicle for a day? You can’t help your mother move some furniture? I understand it’s not her stuff, but I’ve been known to help complete strangers with more than this and it seems bizarre that you have a problem with being generous with time and things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First off there are no truly expensive kayak. There may be expensive kayak trips but we’re not talking a yacht here. Second, you can’t loan your mother a vehicle for a day? You can’t help your mother move some furniture? I understand it’s not her stuff, but I’ve been known to help complete strangers with more than this and it seems bizarre that you have a problem with being generous with time and things

My brother injured his back moving large furniture for a friend in his 20’s and it has never been the same. I wouldn’t let my DH or DS move anyone’s furniture. Your mom has her nerve guilting you into moving her friends’s stuff. Return the kayak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First off there are no truly expensive kayak. There may be expensive kayak trips but we’re not talking a yacht here. Second, you can’t loan your mother a vehicle for a day? You can’t help your mother move some furniture? I understand it’s not her stuff, but I’ve been known to help complete strangers with more than this and it seems bizarre that you have a problem with being generous with time and things

You can spend a couple thousand on a kayak...

https://www.rei.com/product/886208/delta-kayaks-delta-155-gt-kayak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First off there are no truly expensive kayak. There may be expensive kayak trips but we’re not talking a yacht here. Second, you can’t loan your mother a vehicle for a day? You can’t help your mother move some furniture? I understand it’s not her stuff, but I’ve been known to help complete strangers with more than this and it seems bizarre that you have a problem with being generous with time and things

NP here. You’re wrong, pp. Sea kayaks range from $1k to 3k. That’s expensive in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First off there are no truly expensive kayak. There may be expensive kayak trips but we’re not talking a yacht here. Second, you can’t loan your mother a vehicle for a day? You can’t help your mother move some furniture? I understand it’s not her stuff, but I’ve been known to help complete strangers with more than this and it seems bizarre that you have a problem with being generous with time and things

No. My mother tends to drink wine with this friend and I don’t need her drinking even a little and getting behind the wheel of my husband’s vehicle. And even if that wasn’t the case, my husband works tomorrow and so do I, it’s too short notice to figure out how we would both get to work minus one vehicle.

[Anonymous]

Well, is there a reason why you can’t accommodate the request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, is there a reason why you can’t accommodate the request?

Maybe you were posting at the same time as OP but just above she answers your question already. She and her DH are both supposed to be at work tomorrow and don't have enough notice to work out logistics of one of them going without a vehicle in the morning. That's a legit enough reason to say no to a sudden request like this.

OP, I take it that you and your mom have a history of this sort of thing--?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is there a reason why you can’t accommodate the request?

Maybe you were posting at the same time as OP but just above she answers your question already. She and her DH are both supposed to be at work tomorrow and don't have enough notice to work out logistics of one of them going without a vehicle in the morning. That's a legit enough reason to say no to a sudden request like this.

OP, I take it that you and your mom have a history of this sort of thing--?

Manipulating in other ways, yes. With gifts, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is there a reason why you can’t accommodate the request?

Maybe you were posting at the same time as OP but just above she answers your question already. She and her DH are both supposed to be at work tomorrow and don't have enough notice to work out logistics of one of them going without a vehicle in the morning. That's a legit enough reason to say no to a sudden request like this.

OP, I take it that you and your mom have a history of this sort of thing--?

Manipulating in other ways, yes. With gifts, no.

Well, there’s a first for everything.
Return it. Go about your business with no guilt over not helping her friend move. Life is too short for this nonsense. You can choose to engage in this with her or say no to it all.

[Anonymous]

offer to sell the kayak and hire movers

[wecherylsmith]

This is basically possible. For me, the main thing is not a gift, but attention. I was guilty in front of my son and decided to make him pleasant. He really wanted to play golf. And I decided to send him https://golferexpert.com/best-cold-weather-golf-ball/ for his first sport club. He was very happy and so was I.