I want nothing to do with my siblings

[Anonymous]

I have a wonderful life. Good job, great husband, happy child. My family was disfunctional growing up. My parents died when I was young. Both of my sibling have issues that aren’t really being treated. One has asp Berger’s and just struggles in life. She’s always sick and I think it’s psychosomatic. My other sister has borderline personality disorder. I see them 3-4 times a year for an hour to two at a time (we all live within an hour of each other) and it’s always miserable and awkward and they have nothing to say. Seeing them is an interruption to my otherwise normal and happy life. It puts me in a bad mood for days. Both are miserable and lonely, neither married etc. and I know visiting is good for them but I absolutely hate and dread it. Can I just stop and have no family. I have wonderful friends. They have no one so I feel guilty even thinking this.

[Anonymous]

If it truly benefits them to see you you can handle less than 20 hours per year.

[Anonymous]

And what diagnosis do you have? Narcissistic personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And what diagnosis do you have? Narcissistic personality disorder?

No I’m just normal and don’t want to be around weirdos who I have little in common with, feel no affection towards, have nothing to say and only remind me of the trauma of our childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful life. Good job, great husband, happy child. My family was disfunctional growing up. My parents died when I was young. Both of my sibling have issues that aren’t really being treated. One has asp Berger’s and just struggles in life. She’s always sick and I think it’s psychosomatic. My other sister has borderline personality disorder. I see them 3-4 times a year for an hour to two at a time (we all live within an hour of each other) and it’s always miserable and awkward and they have nothing to say. Seeing them is an interruption to my otherwise normal and happy life. It puts me in a bad mood for days. Both are miserable and lonely, neither married etc. and I know visiting is good for them but I absolutely hate and dread it. Can I just stop and have no family. I have wonderful friends. They have no one so I feel guilty even thinking this.

OP, I get it. I don't have a wonderful life, but I dread visiting my sibling for the very same reason.

[Anonymous]

It’s okay to stop.

[Anonymous]

No. You may not cut them out of your life b.c they are a drag and bum you out. Just deal with it!

[Anonymous]

Cut them loose if you don’t feel up to it. However, it seems you do carry guilt over this issue, so perhaps a part of you fees it’s the right thing to do. I say since they don’t appear to have done anything malicious to you, you should do the good thing and see them.

[Anonymous]

Out of three, you are the lucky one with so many good things going for you (compared to your siblings). You're not responsible for your siblings, but if you can, deal with the meetings with more positive attitude (for your mental health). If you can't deal with it, just cut them off completely.

You have a choice.

[Anonymous]

It's ok to think this OP.

I would still see them some every year though; maybe take it down to 3x per year, or make sure you go see a movie or an exhibit or do something that doesn't involve much talking.

[Anonymous]

Borderline personality disorder in particular is hard to deal with.

I've found that the kids make family relations like this better. Can you get your siblings to focus on your kid? Maybe have them come visit and bring a gift; you can make a big deal out of opening it. Send them a pic of the kid from time to time.

Then their relationship with your kid takes some of the pressure off your relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone is best friends and super close with their siblings, and that is ok.

I get along with my sisters. We have our differences, but get along fine and keep in touch.

Our brother has BPD, and due to a period of time where I was nurturing and motherly towards him, have become the regular object of his lashing out and abandonment/anger issues. I refuse to accept his abuse and want nothing to do with him. He has a better (cordial, but not close) relationship with our sisters. As long as everyone respects our different entanglements, it's all good.

[Anonymous]

I think they key is that they remind you of your childhood trauma. You’ve worked hard for a “normal” life, to disassociate from the “weird” and the dysfunction; it’s how you’ve moved forward. They represent something very painful for you, and that’s why seeing them makes you miserable. Calling them weirdos makes you seem unfeeling but it makes sense considering what you’ve been through.

Have you worked through the trauma of your childhood with a good counselor? Because if you did, you might be less affected by spending time with your siblings, or less thrown if the “normal” life you’ve built for yourself hits road bumps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they key is that they remind you of your childhood trauma. You’ve worked hard for a “normal” life, to disassociate from the “weird” and the dysfunction; it’s how you’ve moved forward. They represent something very painful for you, and that’s why seeing them makes you miserable. Calling them weirdos makes you seem unfeeling but it makes sense considering what you’ve been through.

Have you worked through the trauma of your childhood with a good counselor? Because if you did, you might be less affected by spending time with your siblings, or less thrown if the “normal” life you’ve built for yourself hits road bumps.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP you should go to therapy.