Divorced mom with an angry son

[Anonymous]

I am divorced and ex dh has been out of the house since my oldest ds was 6. He is now 15. My ex has not been involved and lives with his gf, her son and their shared 5 yo dc. My son is understandably angry and has acted out in various ways over the last several years. He is also angry with me and I worry that his acting out will become self destructive. Should we do family counseling? Something else I should be doing? I want to improve my relationship with my dc and help him deal with what he is feeling.

[Anonymous]

You should have started counselling years ago. Why isn't his father involved in his life?

[Anonymous]

Yes, definitely try counseling. A good therapist can help your DS deal with his anger and channel his emotions better.

My brother was like this at your DS' age. My mom took him to counseling and the therapist was able to guide him into a more productive outlet for his emotions. He grew from an angry teen to a delightful adult.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation OP. My DS is 16 and struggles with depression, anxiety, and now awful outbursts of anger. He sometimes really loses it and I know that he is scared and feels out of control. It's horrible for his two sisters and me, as well as for him.

He's been seeing the same therapist since he was in grade school, attends a wonderful and supportive school, does well academically and has good friends. Generally, he is a good kid, and a good brother and son. But I know he is angry at his father, and I'm the safe one (and the only one) he can take it out on. Impulse control is a challenge at this age anyway, and I am scared that with this anger about the divorce and his absent father, I'm scared he is going to run off the rails, or get in real trouble. It's hard enough to be a single mom, but I feel like I'm failing my son. He needs a father figure, and I am just me, his mom. it's just hard. I keep trying, and listening, and telling him that I love him and that I will never ever give up on him or our family.

IMO you should both start therapy ASAP.

Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar situation OP. My DS is 16 and struggles with depression, anxiety, and now awful outbursts of anger. He sometimes really loses it and I know that he is scared and feels out of control. It's horrible for his two sisters and me, as well as for him.

He's been seeing the same therapist since he was in grade school, attends a wonderful and supportive school, does well academically and has good friends. Generally, he is a good kid, and a good brother and son. But I know he is angry at his father, and I'm the safe one (and the only one) he can take it out on. Impulse control is a challenge at this age anyway, and I am scared that with this anger about the divorce and his absent father, I'm scared he is going to run off the rails, or get in real trouble. It's hard enough to be a single mom, but I feel like I'm failing my son. He needs a father figure, and I am just me, his mom. it's just hard. I keep trying, and listening, and telling him that I love him and that I will never ever give up on him or our family.

IMO you should both start therapy ASAP.

Hugs.

I sent my 16 y o to residential treatment. I didn't find that weekly therapy or even intensive outpatient was enough. Problem is cost - insurance paid very little so it's mostly out of pocket. If you can afford it, it's worth looking into. Good luck to you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar situation OP. My DS is 16 and struggles with depression, anxiety, and now awful outbursts of anger. He sometimes really loses it and I know that he is scared and feels out of control. It's horrible for his two sisters and me, as well as for him.

He's been seeing the same therapist since he was in grade school, attends a wonderful and supportive school, does well academically and has good friends. Generally, he is a good kid, and a good brother and son. But I know he is angry at his father, and I'm the safe one (and the only one) he can take it out on. Impulse control is a challenge at this age anyway, and I am scared that with this anger about the divorce and his absent father, I'm scared he is going to run off the rails, or get in real trouble. It's hard enough to be a single mom, but I feel like I'm failing my son. He needs a father figure, and I am just me, his mom. it's just hard. I keep trying, and listening, and telling him that I love him and that I will never ever give up on him or our family.

IMO you should both start therapy ASAP.

Hugs.

I sent my 16 y o to residential treatment. I didn't find that weekly therapy or even intensive outpatient was enough. Problem is cost - insurance paid very little so it's mostly out of pocket. If you can afford it, it's worth looking into. Good luck to you both.

How long has he been back and has he maintained learned coping mechanisms?

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when women spitefully exclude their ex from their sons lives in order to punish their ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when women spitefully exclude their ex from their sons lives in order to punish their ex.

WTF? You must be a troll. Sure some kids their kids away, but plenty of dads ignore their kids, mine included. Mom encouraged me to maintain a relationship but he stood us up or ignored us when we visited. Good times, not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when women spitefully exclude their ex from their sons lives in order to punish their ex.

WTF? You must be a troll. Sure some kids their kids away, but plenty of dads ignore their kids, mine included. Mom encouraged me to maintain a relationship but he stood us up or ignored us when we visited. Good times, not.

The damage an uninterested father can do is awful. I offered 50/50 custody, but Ex never took it. I bend over backward to facilitate Ex to visitw/ kids. I really had to back him in a corner to get him to take kids for 2 nights this Xmas holiday & he made other plans for Xmas day, which was available to him.

In retrospect I wish I had gotten the kids to therapy earlier. Even though things appeared good on the surface, they were not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when women spitefully exclude their ex from their sons lives in order to punish their ex.

WTF? You must be a troll. Sure some kids their kids away, but plenty of dads ignore their kids, mine included. Mom encouraged me to maintain a relationship but he stood us up or ignored us when we visited. Good times, not.

Men only "ignore" their kids after their ex-wife viciously puts so many legal, financial, and geographic obstacles in the way of interacting with the kids that eventually he gives up. Then she wonders why the kids are angry.

[Anonymous]

Boys need a Man in their life. Does he have one? If not dad, an uncle? Grandfather? A friend of yours? He does not have anyone to guide him into adulthood as a man?

[Anonymous]

Not an absent father but my ex throws up continuous roadblocks for me to see the kids. My therapist said it wasn't uncommon for a bitter ex to do this and she saw it a lot and a lot of dad's that just finally give up. Ex refused therapy since she doesn't believe in it and it takes both of us to agree since we have joint legal. DS finally got destructive enough that she agreed and it helps a lot but still has been a slow process. It's a long road and he is slowly starting to realize that despite what she says, his mom is doing a lot to make it worse. You just can't give up and you get super down but power thru. May take 10 years but you have to hang in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when women spitefully exclude their ex from their sons lives in order to punish their ex.

WTF? You must be a troll. Sure some kids their kids away, but plenty of dads ignore their kids, mine included. Mom encouraged me to maintain a relationship but he stood us up or ignored us when we visited. Good times, not.

The damage an uninterested father can do is awful. I offered 50/50 custody, but Ex never took it. I bend over backward to facilitate Ex to visitw/ kids. I really had to back him in a corner to get him to take kids for 2 nights this Xmas holiday & he made other plans for Xmas day, which was available to him.

In retrospect I wish I had gotten the kids to therapy earlier. Even though things appeared good on the surface, they were not.

Exactly. The men’s rights troll needs to go look at the data. Many men tend to parent whatever children are in their house. So they often provide more attention to their step kids or younger kids with new partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when women spitefully exclude their ex from their sons lives in order to punish their ex.

WTF? You must be a troll. Sure some kids their kids away, but plenty of dads ignore their kids, mine included. Mom encouraged me to maintain a relationship but he stood us up or ignored us when we visited. Good times, not.

The damage an uninterested father can do is awful. I offered 50/50 custody, but Ex never took it. I bend over backward to facilitate Ex to visitw/ kids. I really had to back him in a corner to get him to take kids for 2 nights this Xmas holiday & he made other plans for Xmas day, which was available to him.

In retrospect I wish I had gotten the kids to therapy earlier. Even though things appeared good on the surface, they were not.

Exactly. The men’s rights troll needs to go look at the data. Many men tend to parent whatever children are in their house. So they often provide more attention to their step kids or younger kids with new partner.

How is "the data" going to show you whether or not the reason men "parent the child that is in the house" id because they have no chiice, because their spiteful ex-wife denied them access to the kids and alienated the kids? That is precisely the kind of problem that won't be studied because it would make women look bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when women spitefully exclude their ex from their sons lives in order to punish their ex.

WTF? You must be a troll. Sure some kids their kids away, but plenty of dads ignore their kids, mine included. Mom encouraged me to maintain a relationship but he stood us up or ignored us when we visited. Good times, not.

The damage an uninterested father can do is awful. I offered 50/50 custody, but Ex never took it. I bend over backward to facilitate Ex to visitw/ kids. I really had to back him in a corner to get him to take kids for 2 nights this Xmas holiday & he made other plans for Xmas day, which was available to him.

In retrospect I wish I had gotten the kids to therapy earlier. Even though things appeared good on the surface, they were not.

Exactly. The men’s rights troll needs to go look at the data. Many men tend to parent whatever children are in their house. So they often provide more attention to their step kids or younger kids with new partner.

How is "the data" going to show you whether or not the reason men "parent the child that is in the house" id because they have no chiice, because their spiteful ex-wife denied them access to the kids and alienated the kids? That is precisely the kind of problem that won't be studied because it would make women look bad.

Yeah, because women are so in firmly in control of media and publishing and academia and the law that nothing is ever published that makes women look bad.....<insert eye roll here>