MIL only buys cheap gifts for kids - Drives me nuts

[Anonymous]

My MIL is wealthy but only gives my son (a toddler) cheap dollar store toys. The toys are unsafe, not age appropriate and horrible quality. She grew up poor, so I think she gets satisfaction at buying cheap things for “a bargain”, even if it’s junk. We’ve told her that cash is almost always the best gift - aka, whatever she would’ve spent on crap my son will never play with, just give it to us so it can actually go towards something practical (diapers, etc.) she rejected that idea and said she enjoys getting actual gifts. It’s gotten to the point where I say thank you for the gifts and immediately donate them/throw out what I can’t donate. I’ve reached the point where I want to tell her point blank just to stop giving any gifts, that spending time with her is gift enough for my son. DH just wants to keep throwing out everything she gives us so we don’t rock the boat. Is it rude to tell her to just stop?

[Anonymous]

OP here - as an add-on, she never asks about the gifts or toys after she gives them, never says anything about the toys being missing when she comes over.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My mom buys stuff from yard sales. She loves yard saling, and her house is too small so she buys stuff for other people. Just deal with it. No need to ruffle her feathers over something stupid.

[Anonymous]

You don’t get to dictate the gifts that people buy. The end. I cannot believe adults have not been taught this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to dictate the gifts that people buy. The end. I cannot believe adults have not been taught this.

This.

She isn't being rude -- you are bordering on it.

[Anonymous]

Omg you asked for cash and diapers? You are trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to dictate the gifts that people buy. The end. I cannot believe adults have not been taught this.

This.

You can't control your MIL just like I can't control my in-laws insisting on buying piles of presents we don't need every year. It is what it is. I would give away the toys in whatever way you can.

There was a recent post from a teacher on DCUM who needed gifts and rewards for lower income children. It would be great if there was a board or a place people could donate these smaller cheaper gifts directly to teachers.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you just roll with it, thank her, and do what you're going to do with the gift. Is it annoying and wasteful? Yes. But is it worth creating bad blood over it? I don't think so.

You already know why she does it, and those reasons are not likely to change.

My MIL loads my dd up with SO much stuff. Like bags of candy each visit, and gaudy/ugly craft kits galore. She enjoys being the gift giver because it's how she shows love, but we don't have space for (and don't want to use) all this stuff, so we just thank her because we know it was given lovingly and then pass it along. She has a lot of money too, and loves being able to shower her grandchildren with things that catch her eye.

It used to annoy me, but now I just focus on the loving relationship that the two of them have - they really do have a ball together. And then I have friends who happily take the excess off my hands, so then all that's left is a memory of a fun visit.

[Anonymous]

My MIL loves buying used things online that she thinks are antiques and the children will love. They are not precious antiques but junk people are getting rid of on Craigslist and FB marketplace. We say thank you politely and donate. The children so the same.

[Anonymous]

I’m so tired of these threads where parents complain about the gifts people give their kids! It’s not hard to donate toys!

[Anonymous]

Would you prefer a large plastic desk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My mom buys stuff from yard sales. She loves yard saling, and her house is too small so she buys stuff for other people. Just deal with it. No need to ruffle her feathers over something stupid.

Similar - my mom is thrift shops / yard sales and bargains. She buys all kinds of things and gives us bagfuls. The kids go through, pick out what they want, and we give her the rest back to pass along to someone else. I try and get her to keep the bags at her house and the kids go through it there.

[Anonymous]

My in laws do this but at least they get cheap junk toys at yard sales or thrift stores instead of the dollar store. I mean it's less wasteful that way I guess. We thank them and then donate 95% of it.

[Anonymous]

I’d just tell her flat out that she can keep giving those gifts if she wants but they will likely be thrown away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to dictate the gifts that people buy. The end. I cannot believe adults have not been taught this.

This.

She isn't being rude -- you are bordering on it.

Can you dictate to stop giving gifts though? I think so. OP isn’t trying to tell her MIL to give them a different gift. She is trying to tel her stop giving us anything. I think that’s reasonable.