Divorced friend is depressing to be around

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who got divorced in July. I’ve been trying to be a supportive friend, but with the holiday season coming, she’s becoming a real downer to be around. When I make time for her she complains about her kid being with her dad that and how she misses the family unit or will bring up things they did as a family. If I’m busy, she’ll complain about how it must be nice to still have a family that’s intact. Or how I’m lucky I have a good man that won’t leave his family or that it sucks that she’s the only one in our group of friends that’s single. I feel really bad for her, but it’s like no matter what, she’s miserable and it’s depressing. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to turn my back on her during a difficult time, but at the same time, it’s mentally draining. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Advice: stop being a shitty, selfish friend.

[Anonymous]

Take breaks.

[Anonymous]

The first holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc. will be very hard for her. Acknowledge her feelings and then see if you can brainstorm together things that might make her feel better. But she needs an ear and a shoulder to cry on. If you need to see her a bit less frequently, do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who got divorced in July. I’ve been trying to be a supportive friend, but with the holiday season coming, she’s becoming a real downer to be around. When I make time for her she complains about her kid being with her dad that and how she misses the family unit or will bring up things they did as a family. If I’m busy, she’ll complain about how it must be nice to still have a family that’s intact. Or how I’m lucky I have a good man that won’t leave his family or that it sucks that she’s the only one in our group of friends that’s single. I feel really bad for her, but it’s like no matter what, she’s miserable and it’s depressing. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to turn my back on her during a difficult time, but at the same time, it’s mentally draining. Any advice?

This will be the lowest of the lows for her, in theory. First holiday without her intact family. I'd say take it in chunks. It can be mentally draining/a downer if it's constant - just be there for her as much as you can. It's only another few weeks...

[Anonymous]

You sound like you are not really friends. Imagine what she's going through - this is the first holiday season after her divorce and she's feeling especially vulnerable and lonely - especially seeing all her friends with their families in tact. Of course she's depressed, how about you be there for her and commiserate with her situation instead of making it about yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, why don’t you dictate the next meetup and take her out for drinks or a silly movie? I’m sure she herself hates hearing herself vent as well.

[Anonymous]

What does she look like? if someone is banging her, she will be less depressed.

[Anonymous]

Wow. This is my first officially divorced Christmas and I hope my friends don't think like you.

[Anonymous]

She needs to find a few single friends, and not recently divorced friends. They will help her transition.

[Anonymous]

I went through this with a friend. I needed to take breaks. Toxicity is draining.One thing that helped her was joining a support group. She is doing better now and our friendship has become more balanced and fun again.

[Anonymous]

Recommend that she try counseling. All of those feelings that she is going through are very normal but the fact that she keeps turning things back to you and your "perfect life" is draining. A counselor could help and maybe even recommend a psychiatrist for meds to get her through this patch.

[Anonymous]

The first set of holidays and milestones post a divorce is hard. Some empathy might be kind on your part, but if you don't have it in you, then it's maybe best you're not friends with her as it doesn't sound like you have the emotional bandwidth.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you’re not a very good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc. will be very hard for her. Acknowledge her feelings and then see if you can brainstorm together things that might make her feel better. But she needs an ear and a shoulder to cry on. If you need to see her a bit less frequently, do that.

This! Last winter was my first separated and it sucked - and so did my attitude! This winter is so much easier. Take space, but be there for her as you’re able. She’s healing.