Lunch (not eating) issues, SN teen or tween

[Anonymous]

For people whose kids have issues with eating, how have you dealt with lunch? My young teen DD has sort of a complicated health/mental health picture. I don't think she's anorexic, but she has many of the warning signs that can indicate a likelihood of anorexia. She often does not eat her lunch, and I find days worth of uneaten lunches horded in her backpack. (She often leaves them in her locker for days, then brings them all home at once.) Sometimes I suspect she throws them out without my seeing them. She does say that she eats them sometimes, but says she is just not hungry and would rather do something other than eat. Any suggestions? I am already packing her preferred lunch. I do make sure she eats a decent breakfast. She's in therapy. The school has offered her a quieter place to eat, but I don't think she's inclined to do that. Anything else I can do, or do I just keep making the lunches and telling her how important it is for her to eat something during the day?

[Anonymous]

Can she buy something in the cafeteria that appeals to her that day? Let her know that if you are going to spend money, she will have to eat the food.

[Anonymous]

Other than offering favorite packed foods and keeping money in the lunch account, I have no ideas. I worked on increasing intake at home beciase that was all I could do.

[Anonymous]

Can you pick her up for lunch to make sure she eats?

[Anonymous]

As someone who had an eating disorder at your child’s age, I don’t think she is being sneaky enough right now to actually signal anorexia. If you suddenly don’t find food making it home, then I would be more concerned. If she was really trying to hide it from you she would discard it and lie that she had eaten. She wouldn’t leave evidence of full meals all around. I’m not saying to ignore this, just a little insight.

[Anonymous]

My daughter also doesn't eat lunch, mostly because stimulants kill her appetite. But she eats a decent breakfast and often eats her lunch as an after school snack. I don't worry about an eating disorder.

Can you ask your daughter why she doesn't eat lunch and brainstorm with her an eating schedule that would work better for her?

[Anonymous]

My child is younger than yours but the noise in the cafeteria made it almost impossible for him to eat lunch at school. Eventually he got permission to eat in another room and invite a classmate for company.

[Anonymous]

A lot of kids with special needs have a hard time eating lunch in school. The environment is noisy/stimulating and they tend to be quite picky about food. In my opinion, eating disorders checklists are not terribly helpful with special needs kids. I also agree with the PP who said that the fact that she is open and honest about not eating is a sign that this is not anorexia. Hiding food and hiding the amount eaten go along with this disorder.

[Anonymous]

My son (12) doesn't really eat lunch. He has learning issues as well as anxiety, and his anxiety resulted in both picky eating and constipation when he was a small child. It all resulted in him just not being much of an eater. If it isn't really tasty, and he isn't really hungry, he'll just pass. He'd rather be a little hungry than deal with eating. This is all to say he doesn't usually eat much lunch. Sometimes he'll have a roll, or a piece of fruit. He'll usually have a some milk. He'll try something from the cafeteria line if it looks good. To compensate we do breakfast (a smoothie with lots of calories) when he wakes up and then offer something portable like some pieces of bacon as he walks out the door, and then he gets a snack when he gets home from school, dinner, and then dessert before bed. All told he gets enough. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I agree it’s better she’s not hiding the food, although sometimes she does. I’m nervous about any incentives or disincentives for eating/not eating because I’m worried she’ll just start hiding the food.
I don’t want to put money in the lunch account because she’ll just buy cookies or chips and eat them. She binges on junk food (and hides the evidence/lies about it). (She also won’t eat microwaved food or meat, so there’s probably not a lot she’d eat from the school cafeteria.). I’ve told her I’ll buy her anything moderately healthy to take and I pack what she’s selected.
We offered the counseling office for lunch in case the noise is the issue but she doesn’t take advantage.
Just wanted to see if there’s anything else I could/should be doing. I feel like her other issues would improve if she would eat regular healthy meals—she probably knows that cognitively but can’t bring herself to help herself.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I agree it’s better she’s not hiding the food, although sometimes she does. I’m nervous about any incentives or disincentives for eating/not eating because I’m worried she’ll just start hiding the food.
I don’t want to put money in the lunch account because she’ll just buy cookies or chips and eat them. She binges on junk food (and hides the evidence/lies about it). (She also won’t eat microwaved food or meat, so there’s probably not a lot she’d eat from the school cafeteria.). I’ve told her I’ll buy her anything moderately healthy to take and I pack what she’s selected.
We offered the counseling office for lunch in case the noise is the issue but she doesn’t take advantage.
Just wanted to see if there’s anything else I could/should be doing. I feel like her other issues would improve if she would eat regular healthy meals—she probably knows that cognitively but can’t bring herself to help herself.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. I've got a 10th grader (boy) who doesn't eat lunch, either, and if given a choice, would spend his money on junk food. I do not suspect an eating disorder. He's never understood/acknowledged/cared about the food/mind connection. He's not hungry so he doesn't eat. This has been going on since early elementary. What has helped is that I've gotten over the idea that nutrition must be chewed. I buy Boost Extra Protein drinks. They're over $1/bottle but it's cheaper than a whole lunch, he likes them and he'll drink them at lunch. He likes chocolate, my DD likes Strawberry and my 100+ year old grandmother like vanilla. I have to say, they really are tasty.

Have you tried them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son (12) doesn't really eat lunch. He has learning issues as well as anxiety, and his anxiety resulted in both picky eating and constipation when he was a small child. It all resulted in him just not being much of an eater. If it isn't really tasty, and he isn't really hungry, he'll just pass. He'd rather be a little hungry than deal with eating. This is all to say he doesn't usually eat much lunch. Sometimes he'll have a roll, or a piece of fruit. He'll usually have a some milk. He'll try something from the cafeteria line if it looks good. To compensate we do breakfast (a smoothie with lots of calories) when he wakes up and then offer something portable like some pieces of bacon as he walks out the door, and then he gets a snack when he gets home from school, dinner, and then dessert before bed. All told he gets enough. Good luck!

This is my son *exactly*! If the food is not really interesting or he isn't that hungry or he is overstimulated, he just doesn't eat. I let him eat a lot of ice ream at home to pack on calories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son (12) doesn't really eat lunch. He has learning issues as well as anxiety, and his anxiety resulted in both picky eating and constipation when he was a small child. It all resulted in him just not being much of an eater. If it isn't really tasty, and he isn't really hungry, he'll just pass. He'd rather be a little hungry than deal with eating. This is all to say he doesn't usually eat much lunch. Sometimes he'll have a roll, or a piece of fruit. He'll usually have a some milk. He'll try something from the cafeteria line if it looks good. To compensate we do breakfast (a smoothie with lots of calories) when he wakes up and then offer something portable like some pieces of bacon as he walks out the door, and then he gets a snack when he gets home from school, dinner, and then dessert before bed. All told he gets enough. Good luck!

This is my son *exactly*! If the food is not really interesting or he isn't that hungry or he is overstimulated, he just doesn't eat. I let him eat a lot of ice ream at home to pack on calories.

This is the PP you quotes - yup, ice cream is a daily dish in our house (for him, at least - I have to stay away!). He also likes cheese sticks lately. You'd think he was a baby cow, the amount of dairy he eats. Yesterday when I asked him what was for lunch and he said rice and beans, and I asked him if he ate it and he made a face and said "yes, not too much but I was hungry so I ate it." Victory!!! They do get older and things do get a little better.

[Anonymous]

My DD (14) is very similar. She carries her lunch with her all day and eats it some days (during classes/breaks), and not other days. She will eat 100% garbage junk sugar if it's available. I send some healthy things and some junky pantry snacky items with her and try not to key in on what she eats and what comes back.

I'm choosing to believe that not making a big thing about what she eats will eliminate a power struggle that will lead to her restricting what she eats just to spite me. We model healthy eating so I know she has that information if she chooses to apply it.

I recall when I was in high school I hardly ever ate lunch. I'd pocket the $ or share my packed lunch. I just wasn't interested.