When are you supposed to send thank you notes and when are you NOT supposed to send thank you notes?

[Anonymous]

When are you supposed to write thank you notes, and when shouldn't you? I've written thank you notes for these occasions, when a gift was given to me/my child:

wedding shower
baby shower
child's b-day
just moved into the house

Is there any other time I should be writing thank you notes? My parents aren't from here, so I've learned U.S. etiquette on my own.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I always TRY to write them whenever someone gives me or DD a gift. So, for example, even if a baby present wasn't part of a formal shower, I would still write a thank you letter. If someone sends flowers for some reason, I write a thank you card. You will hear different things from different people about whether a thank you note is necessary for small gifts and favors (such as a neighbor giving you cookies, or someone bringing you a bottle of wine when you have them over for dinner), but when in doubt, a thank you card is almost always a nice gesture.

[Anonymous]

Any gift given to you or your children, with the exception (I think) of bringing something to you or your child as a thank you for having someone over to your house. I.e. if the gift to you is a "thank you" of sorts, you don't need to write a note. Otherwise, I would write one.

You can't go wrong writing too many.

[Anonymous]

I always write a thank you note if I am invited for a meal at someone's home, an extra special play date (i.e. the mom made lunch for me and my child), all gifts, other than someone bringing a hostess gift or thanking me through a gift for something I did for them. A great friend listening to me vent about something might warrant a nice note as well. I love sending and receiving thank you notes. It is a forgotten art.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to thank anyone after a funeral/death in family.

[Anonymous]

I always send a thank you if I receive a gift or someone does something really thoughtful for me. The only exception is Christmas because it's gift giving for everyone.

[Anonymous]

PP, I do not believe that is right. I currently lost my father and grandfather. We wrote TYN to everyone that sent flowers,food, etc.

I send TYN for everything I receive except if I was having a party/dinner party and a guest presented me with a bottle of wine.

I LOVE doing it. I also love picking out the cards to write them on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I do not believe that is right. I currently lost my father and grandfather. We wrote TYN to everyone that sent flowers,food, etc.

I send TYN for everything I receive except if I was having a party/dinner party and a guest presented me with a bottle of wine.

I LOVE doing it. I also love picking out the cards to write them on.

I think she just meant, you are not expected to. The "rules of etiquette" dictate that you don't have to. It was nice of you to do though.

[Anonymous]

I would write a thank you note pretty much *any* time anyone gives you a gift. (Christmas included!)

Theoretically, according to etiquette mavens, you do not have to write a thank you note when the gift-giver is present and you thank them in person as you open the gift. BUT, not everyone knows that "rule," and people will get offended if you don't send thank you notes after, say, a wedding or baby shower.

There is no time that I know of when you are NOT supposed to send thank you notes -- you should err on the side of sending them.