17 yr old seems depressed

[Anonymous]

Or does this sound normal?

My wife cheated and she left in April. I have slowly began rebuilding my life and am now dating again. My 17 year old son has no contact with her and hates her. He is fine with me dating and happy that I am happy.
Yet I have concerns as my friend alerted me to the fact that when she came round to help look after my 7 yr old, my 17 yr old walked in and spoke to her saying he felt very emotional and then went straight to his room. My friend was worried about him and he didn't leave his bedroom until
9AM the next morning. He seems overwhelmed with his studying and has girlfriend problems too. I thought he was doing okay as I am now but clearly I am wrong and my friend said that he definitely does not seem okay.
How should I approach this? My fried seems very anxious and keeps asking after him. I don't see that emotional side of him much so am surprised he said that to her. I also feel she is judging me a bit by making some comments which suggest I need to pay more attention to him.

How to approach this?

[Anonymous]

I would suggest you try to talk to your son. Maybe he is just overwhelmed with school and girl problems, but if he is telling a random adult, he clearly wants to talk about it. Offer him space to do that. As for your friend, sounds like a pretty crappy friend if she’s giving you crap for ignoring your son when you’re not ignoring him. She should mind her own business.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful to have such a caring friend as far as your son in concerned. I would take your son out for dinner or lunch and have a nice caring talk. Tell him how much you love him and that you are concerned that he does not seem happy. Make an appointment for a counselor for him. Tell he he can tell the counselor whatever he wants and it will all be private. Make more of an effort to spend special time alone with him, go to a sporting event, a play or out to eat. The more time you spend with him, you will get to notice his moods. Take care, Dad, he needs you!
Again, thank your friend for her insight. She could be a lifesaver for your son.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a trusted school counselor? Ours has been amazing. If you thing that your son might need therapy, there is often a waiting list, so you might want to look sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'm reading too fast, but the vibe I'm getting is that you've moved on from your marriage, and you expect your son to, also.

For openers, it's never as simple as, "He hates his mother, too." Because - she's his mother!

Find a family therapist ASAP and go with your son to talk.

[Anonymous]

In 7 months you have a girlfriend that is watching your 7yo. That is bad, too early.

It's the holidays.

You need a family therapist to navigate this.

Most men are clueless about stuff like this and you need help. You really don't get that you just replAce his mom like a snap of the fingers.

[Anonymous]

Forget about being irritated at your friend. You son asked for help, and that was how he did it. He's probably trying to be "your guy" and "okay" etc so hard that he's not going to tell you directly if your split from your wife is difficult for him. You need to make an appointment with a family counselor for him. Require that he goes, but not that he tells you what they talked about. Also tell him and the counselor that you're ready and willing to participate in a session any time.

[Anonymous]

I will book the therapist even though I don't think it is a thing to do with his stepmom leaving. I think it is because of school and girlfriend stress.

My friend seems to think that the problems stem from his stepmom cheating and leaving but I do not believe that.
She said "With his stepmom leaving in April that's hard enough and if anything else is added to it, it will really take it's toll on him".
I feel like she is judging me for dating and finding someone very special after a relatively short time.

I am not denying my son wasn't affected but not to the extent she thinks and not at this point where a good amour of time has passed.

Yes, I will take note of the therapist and will go to the sessions with him if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will book the therapist even though I don't think it is a thing to do with his stepmom leaving. I think it is because of school and girlfriend stress.

My friend seems to think that the problems stem from his stepmom cheating and leaving but I do not believe that.
She said "With his stepmom leaving in April that's hard enough and if anything else is added to it, it will really take it's toll on him".
I feel like she is judging me for dating and finding someone very special after a relatively short time.

I am not denying my son wasn't affected but not to the extent she thinks and not at this point where a good amour of time has passed.

Yes, I will take note of the therapist and will go to the sessions with him if needed.

Where is his bio mom? Does he have a relationship with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not at this point where a good amour of time has passed.

Seven months is not that long, dude.

[Anonymous]

I do feel enough time has passed though and son does genuinely hate her. It's the school stress and girlfriend problems which are causing the most stress.

Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do feel enough time has passed though and son does genuinely hate her. It's the school stress and girlfriend problems which are causing the most stress.

Op.

If you didn’t even know he was upset, how can you feel so confident you know the source of the upset? Maybe he’s mourning the loss of his family, even if not her in particular, especially as it’s the holidays. I’m glad you are taking steps to help him anyway.

[Anonymous]

Because I know my son and what upsets him. I don't think he is protecting me at all but of course what's important is getting him the therapy

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Your xDW is his step mom? Who is his bio mom?

[Anonymous]

My first wife is his biological mom. Stepmom is my second wife.