How to be better at female friendships?

[Anonymous]

I’m that woman who never got along with other girls. I was bullied and picked upon and subjected to so many mean girl antics. I am now wary of women and keep my distance. I’ve realized that maybe I contributed to this toxic dynamic and want to make female friends. How do I become a better female friend?

[Anonymous]

That's tough, OP. Because a lot of women steer clear of women who seem not to have other female friends. It's a red flag.

If you want to be friends with women, you need to learn to trust women. You have to be willing to share personal information. Are you able to do that?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the above poster. Women who say they don’t like other women are often mean and dramatic imo. Not sure what to tell you. Therapy? Yoga?

[Anonymous]

I am an introvert and like other women in small doses. It don’t want to be bffs with anyone. I’m the opposite of dramatic but I don’t have many close female friends because I don’t have the energy it takes to maintain friendships.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your specific issue? Do you want to know how to meet women to potentially become friends with? Or do you have some casual female friendships that you'd like to deepen/improve?

[Anonymous]

- Take initiative, but also be patient and wait for reciprocity
- Mutually disclose progressively more personal information
- Find fun things you like to do together
- Check in, especially when you know something important is going on in their life
- Gifts, affirmations (try to figure out what their love language is)
- Be willing to help and ask for small favors

[Anonymous]

It's a hard thing to recover from issues stemming from your childhood. It seems that the thoughts and feelings we had when we were young don't go away when we're adults. I would suggest that you allow your friendships to happen naturally. For example, if you like to workout at a local gym or fitness center, start up a conversation with someone there. The conversation would likely center around fitness at first, but it could become a deeper friendship. If it doesn't, don't sweat it! Just take it as it comes. There are many people out there who have had similar problems in their background and are just as afraid as you are to open up. All it takes is to start a conversation about a common interest. When you least expect it, a friend will come along! I'm praying that you will find the courage to reach out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the above poster. Women who say they don’t like other women are often mean and dramatic imo. Not sure what to tell you. Therapy? Yoga?

this. the only women I have known who said stuff like "I always have just had guy friends, women are to high matinatence etc" have always, without fail, been some of the most catty, high drama and mani[ulative people I have ever known. these women feel like there is a finite amount of anything to go around-men, happiness, money-you name it. Sorry OP but women tend to spot this a mile away and so they may steer clear of you. Work on YOU first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- Take initiative, but also be patient and wait for reciprocity
- Mutually disclose progressively more personal information
- Find fun things you like to do together
- Check in, especially when you know something important is going on in their life
- Gifts, affirmations (try to figure out what their love language is)
- Be willing to help and ask for small favors

+1. This is good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tough, OP. Because a lot of women steer clear of women who seem not to have other female friends. It's a red flag.

If you want to be friends with women, you need to learn to trust women. You have to be willing to share personal information. Are you able to do that?

Why must you share personal information? Why can't you just keep it light?

[Anonymous]

Another introvert. I have close female friends, including several friendships of twenty plus years. However, I do dislike the disclosure of something major that seems to be the price of emotional intimacy with someone new. Is commitment possible without confession?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's tough, OP. Because a lot of women steer clear of women who seem not to have other female friends. It's a red flag.

If you want to be friends with women, you need to learn to trust women. You have to be willing to share personal information. Are you able to do that?

Why must you share personal information? Why can't you just keep it light?

I agree. Too many women are catty, malicious, competitive, and they will sell you downstream for nothing to gain except the satisfaction of making trouble for you. I think it's important to keep it light until you get a good reading on a woman. As an example, I became friends with another mom. She was one of those people with dozens of women friends. I am quiet without a huge number of friends, although I have lifelong friends who don't live in the area. I am a good person. We bonded over our kids, did a lot of things together, often brought other moms into the mix, and did a lot of fun activities and had a lot of personal conversations. Come to learn about a year into the friendship that she was deliberately sabotaging other budding friendships I was developing. Someone I was becoming friends with, a single childless woman, came to me and let me know this "friend" had just told her a story about me. I knew she wasn't lying because this woman was very high caliber (she was a minister), and because it explained some things. I'm pretty sure the "friend" has BPD, but the point is, it was well hidden behind a bubbly, fun personality and a lot of charm.

[Anonymous]

I have some pretty good friends. I just can't put the time in the relationship that the other girls in the group put in. Thankfully they understand that. Even if I had more time, I don't think I would have the energy to put in the time that they do. I am more of an introvert and would find it draining. Lucky these gals except me for who I am. It started with a strong relationship with just one. I hope you can find something similar OP.

[Anonymous]

^^ and to add to that -- the first relationship was very slow to develop over a few years -- we just really enjoyed each others company and had similar morals so we kind of bonded over that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tough, OP. Because a lot of women steer clear of women who seem not to have other female friends. It's a red flag.

If you want to be friends with women, you need to learn to trust women. You have to be willing to share personal information. Are you able to do that?

Other woman might think you come across as a faux snob or the gossipy type, OP. Would you know if you were like that? That is a sign of someone who is bossy, people are nice to your face, but really can't stand you behind your back. They are only nice to you so you won't come after them next.