Annoyed at H1N1!

[Anonymous]

Okay, so this is an H1N1-related vent. I'm headed into my last four weeks of pregnancy with #2 (read: perhaps a bit hormonal and annoyed at life in general). DS is 3.75 yrs and MIL, who sees him once or twice a year, was set to get on a plane tomorrow morning to come visit him for a long weekend before #2 arrives (and to be here for trick or treating, etc.). Last weekend we get this email from her (while she was at my SIL's house taking care of her granddaughter for a week who was home from daycare due to H1N1 cases of kids of daycare provider) about her concern about H1N1 and to please let us know if any of us are showing any symptoms prior to her visit so she can postpone. Reason being that her husband has health concerns...he's been told for a while that he'll need to have open heart surgery to repair some damage at some point which will likely be next spring. In addition, he's recently had some tests done because of abnormal blood platelet levels (I think I'm saying this right but maybe not...) but they have no idea if it's something minor or more serious yet. Bottom line: She's very concerned about doing anything that might expose herself, and him to the flu. Together they had deemed that it was okay for her to go take care of her granddaughter because the kid came down with symptoms on a Sunday night and her granddaughter was last at daycare on Friday.
So tonight I go to pick DS up from school and learn that a kid in his class came down with a fever last night and they believe it's likely H1N1 because her brothers had it (the school didn't know if these were confirmed cases or not). DH calls his mother who decides to cancel her trip at the last minute due to DS's potential exposure to H1N1 in his classroom. But she did offer to reschedule for three weeks from now...about a week before I deliver (scheduled c-section) and days before my parents are due to show up, followed by directly by another set of grandparents. I told DH the answer to that is no.
I'm not exactly sure why this annoys me, but it does. I think it has something to do with the fact that we already had a go-around with her a couple months ago about something she wrote in a newsletter that now appears high up when you Google my name about how she was so happy when her local granddaughter was born to "finally have a grandchild" she could see regularly. And essentially feeling like we are the odd folks out because we don't live close, and then when she is scheduled to come spend time with her grandson, she cancels the night before. I know this is not something she would normally do and she loves her grandson very much but I can't help but feel like the overprotective mother and feeling like my son got slighted. Luckily we didn't promote grandma's visit too much in advance so really, he won't know the difference. I'm also just generally annoyed at this whole damn thing...of course I am concerned about DS getting it now and dealing with that - at the least him being miserable and me having to miss work, as well as me potentially getting it. And, I'm one of those people who is really disappointed about the hospital restrictions we will experience for the birth of #2 (we were told at an info. session last weekend that not only can DS not come into the hospital but that my parents can't come into the building at the same time - to sit in the main waiting room for the birth, for instance - while DH is there, who already counts as one "support person"). And then of course there are the vaccine supply issues...
This whole damn flu is so annoying! Okay, vent over.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. I completely empathize with you. Both my parents got diagnosed with cancer within months of my son's birth, and we had NO fun family stuff together the first year of his life, and my parents were very consumed with their health and not very interested in their grandson. I also COMPLETELY understand where they were coming from, but still felt sad about the fact they weren't forming a relationship with my son. And my father died within months, so I feel especially sad he didn't get to enjoy his new little grandson much, either, and that my son will grow up without a grandfather. Life happens, it sucks sometimes, and things get in the way of how we wanted them to be. It "will" get better.

That being said, it's probably best to get used to the older generation obsessing about their health and staying healthy before surgeries, etc. (And I don't mean that in a bad way, I'd do it myself if I had cancer or other major health issue). My son is now 3 and my mother is just now starting to form a relationship with him. But she cancels visits all the time over health threats. My son doesn't know any differently, and I just do my best to gently foster their relationship in a way that allows for my mom's health battles and concerns. In return, she's much more relaxed, and when they do get to spend time together now, they have fun.

Hang in there. Vent away. Then, try to regroup and enjoy the time your son will get with his grandmom down the road.