Etiquette question re friend's offer to throw a shower.

[Anonymous]

So, this friend of mine offered to throw me a wedding shower when I mentioned I got engaged but never ever talked about it afterward. I felt awkward to mention it and never had a wedding shower.
Now, FF a few years later: I just announced to her family that I'm pregnant and she jumped off the couch saying "I'll throw you a baby shower!" I don't have any close friends in the area that I feel would do it for me. Do I trust her this time? I'm a first time mom from another country with no family in the area. Back home the women in the family usually organize the shower. I'm so lost! What's your suggestion?

[Anonymous]

sure, why not? if the alternative is to have no shower, seems like a no-brainer. you might want to help her out by keeping the guest list on the small side and not expecting things to be exactly the way you'd do them. (you're less likely to be disappointed.) good luck!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you. Some people are like that, they just say things and then don't follow through. Is she like this with other things too or was the wedding shower thing an isolated incident?

If you want to nudge her a bit, you could start talking about shower plans and see how she reacts, or better yet just have a clear and direct conversation with her. I think I'd rather do that than just sit there waiting to see if what she does. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Maybe a week or two from now casually mention "Hey, that's really sweet of you to offer to throw me a shower. Thank you again! Do you have anything particular in mind, or should we maybe start looking at the calendar and pick a date?" Something very upbeat and truthful. It will allow you to kick her in the tuckus to do something about it, or allow her to change her mind/get out of it if it was just an off the cuff statement.

[Anonymous]

Call her today. Say "hey, thanks so much for offering to throw me a baby shower! Are you still up for that?"

When she says yes, say "Yay! I can't wait. How many people do you think we should have? I'll send you some email addresses."

A couple days after you send her your guest list, call to "make sure she got it".

If she doesn't follow through after all that, she's not a very good friend.

[Anonymous]

Oh guys you're so awesome! Thank you so much for the suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Hm. I would let her plan the shower if she actually lifts a finger to do anything, but I would NOT turn down anyone else who offers to throw you a shower. She sounds like a flake.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation except the friend was in my wedding. She offered.I accepted. I never had a shower. So, in no way I would ever even consider accepting another offer.

[Anonymous]

How can another person know exactly what kind of a shower you want.
Why do you take it so personally.