“I left religion”

[Anonymous]

I met a man this evening at a kids’ sporting event who said, “I left religion 3 years ago. Gave all that stuff up.” It was stated—not dismissively or antagonistically—in response to another parent mentioning that their kid (who has a mutual interest with this guy’s kid) has found an event relating to the specific interest at a church, so not totally off-topic. Another parent asked what he meant and he said hat he had been raised LDS and just realized that it didn’t fit his views anymore. But, he’s been married for 20+ years and has teenaged kids. If he left his church only 3 years ago, he did so with his nuclear family who had presumable well-formed thoughts on the religion. Anyway, this isn’t the kind of question you ask a casual acquaintance and I am not religious so therefore not really equipped to discuss matters of faith. Have any of you left your churches since you’ve had spouses and kids? Was it a decision that you made together? Did your kids have a voice in the discussion?

[Anonymous]

Or, conversely, have any of you started practicing a religion/converted since having a spouse and kids and how did that decision get made within the family?

[Anonymous]

"I left religion" and I have a H and kids.

My H never participated. My kids are older teens and never really loved it anyway.

There was no discussion. Just realized the men (mostly since we are Catholic) that run the institution are a disaster. Even the good ones have lost their path... they can't just love one another over money and power and their political ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met a man this evening at a kids’ sporting event who said, “I left religion 3 years ago. Gave all that stuff up.” It was stated—not dismissively or antagonistically—in response to another parent mentioning that their kid (who has a mutual interest with this guy’s kid) has found an event relating to the specific interest at a church, so not totally off-topic. Another parent asked what he meant and he said hat he had been raised LDS and just realized that it didn’t fit his views anymore. But, he’s been married for 20+ years and has teenaged kids. If he left his church only 3 years ago, he did so with his nuclear family who had presumable well-formed thoughts on the religion. Anyway, this isn’t the kind of question you ask a casual acquaintance and I am not religious so therefore not really equipped to discuss matters of faith. Have any of you left your churches since you’ve had spouses and kids? Was it a decision that you made together? Did your kids have a voice in the discussion?

This isn’t a safe assumption at all. Many families have different belief systems within the family unit. Just because Dad leaves doesn’t mean everyone else is compelled to as well.

[Anonymous]

I stopped going. It was getting expensive. The tithing and extra for all activities
I just grew tired of the setup. One assistant pastor had to publicly during a service confess adultery.
There is a certain mindset, judgemental, intolerant etc
It just was not for me anymore. I enjoy having weekends to myself now

[Anonymous]

I can’t take all of the inexplicable tragedy in the world (terminal childhood illnesses and child abuse, just to name a couple) and I can’t reconcile with a notion of a good, loving, benevolent God.

I don’t say I’m atheist. I just say “not religious” which I know is basically the same to some people, but not to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t take all of the inexplicable tragedy in the world (terminal childhood illnesses and child abuse, just to name a couple) and I can’t reconcile with a notion of a good, loving, benevolent God.

I don’t say I’m atheist. I just say “not religious” which I know is basically the same to some people, but not to me.

How is it different to you? Atheists don't believe in god and are not religious. Do you believe in God? If not, I don't see how you are different from an atheist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t take all of the inexplicable tragedy in the world (terminal childhood illnesses and child abuse, just to name a couple) and I can’t reconcile with a notion of a good, loving, benevolent God.

I don’t say I’m atheist. I just say “not religious” which I know is basically the same to some people, but not to me.

How is it different to you? Atheists don't believe in god and are not religious. Do you believe in God? If not, I don't see how you are different from an atheist.

Pp sounds agnostic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t take all of the inexplicable tragedy in the world (terminal childhood illnesses and child abuse, just to name a couple) and I can’t reconcile with a notion of a good, loving, benevolent God.

I don’t say I’m atheist. I just say “not religious” which I know is basically the same to some people, but not to me.

How is it different to you? Atheists don't believe in god and are not religious. Do you believe in God? If not, I don't see how you are different from an atheist.

Pp sounds agnostic.

As I would bet you know, Atheist and Agnostic are not mutually exclusive.

Someone without theistic beliefs is an Atheist. Someone who thinks there is "something greater" like a Deist, is not Atheist. Not sure where PP falls from the post above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met a man this evening at a kids’ sporting event who said, “I left religion 3 years ago. Gave all that stuff up.” It was stated—not dismissively or antagonistically—in response to another parent mentioning that their kid (who has a mutual interest with this guy’s kid) has found an event relating to the specific interest at a church, so not totally off-topic. Another parent asked what he meant and he said hat he had been raised LDS and just realized that it didn’t fit his views anymore. But, he’s been married for 20+ years and has teenaged kids. If he left his church only 3 years ago, he did so with his nuclear family who had presumable well-formed thoughts on the religion. Anyway, this isn’t the kind of question you ask a casual acquaintance and I am not religious so therefore not really equipped to discuss matters of faith. Have any of you left your churches since you’ve had spouses and kids? Was it a decision that you made together? Did your kids have a voice in the discussion?

Decisions like leaving religion (or deciding to change careers, or become vegetarian, etc) are usually arrived at individually. Then, if there is a partner or a family involved, there is a period of adjustment when the others decide how to react. It's not, for instance, like deciding where to vacation next year - where the interests of all involved are taken into account. When an adult leaves religion, it's something that at first happens internally - and often slowly --- as the person resists leaving the beliefs expected by their families and society.

[Anonymous]

I grew up very strictly religious, stopped attending church after high school and started again when pregnant with DD.

I slowly started becoming agnostic around 5 years ago. Kids don't attend church either and dd is agnostic and ds seems to be.

There are so many ways that my religion contributed to my then messed up life situation and it is so so good to be free of that.

[Anonymous]

I used to think you had to attend church to be a good person. I witnessed so much hypocrisy in the Catholic Church that I just couldn't keep attending, much less continue inculcating my kids. I am agnostic and questioning. Some of the kindest, most decent and ethical people I know do not attend church and a few of them are atheists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think you had to attend church to be a good person. I witnessed so much hypocrisy in the Catholic Church that I just couldn't keep attending, much less continue inculcating my kids. I am agnostic and questioning. Some of the kindest, most decent and ethical people I know do not attend church and a few of them are atheists.

I've also noticed that there is no direct relationship between being good and going to church. Goodness seems to be an inherent trait, or perhaps something that can be learned in or out of a religious environment.

Unfortunately, in our culture, we are taught that you must be religious to be good and that non-religious people are inherently bad. Luckily, that is changing. It's partially due to good non-religious people identifying themselves - like the guy OP described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think you had to attend church to be a good person. I witnessed so much hypocrisy in the Catholic Church that I just couldn't keep attending, much less continue inculcating my kids. I am agnostic and questioning. Some of the kindest, most decent and ethical people I know do not attend church and a few of them are atheists.

I have an evangelical friend who shrieks about how you "have no moral compass" if you do not believe in God. I tell him that as a child in Sunday School (Lutheran) I figured out that you can do anything you want as long as you accept Jesus and repent before you die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think you had to attend church to be a good person. I witnessed so much hypocrisy in the Catholic Church that I just couldn't keep attending, much less continue inculcating my kids. I am agnostic and questioning. Some of the kindest, most decent and ethical people I know do not attend church and a few of them are atheists.

I have an evangelical friend who shrieks about how you "have no moral compass" if you do not believe in God. I tell him that as a child in Sunday School (Lutheran) I figured out that you can do anything you want as long as you accept Jesus and repent before you die.

those are the scare tactics used by religion -- not just evangelicals - to tell people that non-believers are inherently bad. Unfortunately, it can keep non-believers from acknowledging their lack of belief. They know they aren't bad, but also know that religious people will think they are bad.

Another scare tactic is the threat of hell. If you really think you will suffer eternally for failing to believe, you may try very hard to believe, even if the concept of a loving but punishing god doesn't make much sense to you.