should i be offended DH has not added me as a beneficiary to his bank accounts? (married w/ kid)
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Anonymous
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I've struggled with trust issues after a betrayal by my husband early in our marriage, and several threats of him to divorce me which happen earlier in our marriage.....
WE have a baby. I make a lot of money in my job now (I had a sudden turn of fortune that I am making 4X what I did a few years ago, but have no savings) and have taken out a life insurance policy for the baby/husband, and have made them beneficiaries on my bank accounts. However, DH is older than me and has a lot more accumulated money, but still has his relatives as his beneficiary, and despite my raising concern over the years of why am I (and now our baby) not the beneficiaries, he does nothing. I feel like this is lopsided - that if something were to happen to me, he'd be fine because he has millions saved and an insurance policy from me. Whereaes, if something happened to him, I don't have more saved than to meet my financial needs for 6 months, and he does not have an insurance policy on himself. He says he is busy -forgets - but the fact that he hasn't done anything is making me increasingly anxious. It feels like a betrayal to me to be "cut out" effectively -- and sometimes the anxiety keeps me up at night...... I'm really not sure what to do it is getting int he way of my feeling secure int he relationship. Before, when he was threatening divorce, I thought he just wasn't adding me because he was planning on leaving... but now that he says he is happy /etc and wants to be with me, he still is doing nothing.... Any thoughts/advice? |
Anonymous
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You are his wife and you are not a beneficiary? Wow, that's messed up. Was he married before? This is not "I'm busy" - this is I don't take you seriously kind of stuff. He needs to take out a life insurance policy at the very minimum.
What about his will? Does he have his entire estate go to his relatives? |
Anonymous
| Hi - I am his first wife - he has no other kids but our baby. He has not done any estate planning in general |
Anonymous
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The "right" way to do it is to have the beneficiary refer to his will (which sounds like he doesn't have). DW isn't beneficiary on my accounts either, it's "Will dated XXX" instead.
Then on there, she's beneficiary and if we both die together, it goes to our kids or a trust depending on their age. Simple solution is to meet with an estate planner or financial adviser, then it's third-party advice. Also, you can get a life insurance policy on your husband if you like -- he doesn't have to do it. |
Anonymous
| Does he have a will and who are the beneficiaries? If he's got millions he'd be a fool not to have a will or a life insurance policy. Now that you have a child both of you need to get wills and estate plans in place. Use the baby as the reason why this needs to take place, not that you want it done for your sake. He shares in the responsibility for the baby. |
Anonymous
Got it. Well, perhaps this is a case of being overwhelmed at the magnitude of it. It could be a costly and time consuming process. |
Anonymous
It doesn't matter who is named on a marital asset or as beneficiary. If the asset was acquired after the marriage, it is shared 50/50 in the divorce regardless of whose name is on it. So, if that was his thinking, he was deluded. You can also take out life insurance on him yourself and name him as the beneficiary...* * But don't try the old "arsenic in his coffee" approach to hasten the natural process. |
Anonymous
| I don't even think I have beneficiaries listed on my bank accounts. Interesting that he has taken that step, because it means he's relatively sophisticated about his assets and has done it quite intentionally. I would definitely sit down and talk about estate planning to make sure your kid is considered in this process. Obviously this only comes up if he dies, but it sounds like he may be a lot older than you? |
Anonymous
Beneficiaries only matter upon death. Here's a link that explains it. Basically it diverts assets out of the estate (and away from OP and their kid). If he was planning to divorce I can see that he might not want his ex to inherit his assets when he dies (but bad that he is excluding his kid). https://estate.findlaw.com/probate/bank-account-beneficiary-rules.html |
Anonymous
| I think there’s a psychological element to this to me too because I feel “unloved” by being left out of his inheritance as his wife - even if he is too busy it makes me feel like I am not a priority and that the well-being of our Begay is not a priority - but maybe I am just making this into more tha. What it needs to me? |
Anonymous
| He should at least leave it to his child. |
Anonymous
| as his wife arent you the automatic beneficiary or your child? |
Anonymous
Not if the assets have been specifically directed to others. Read the link above for confirmation. |
Anonymous
| Yes in probate court if there is no will. But if there is antithetical relative (here, his parent) named as beneficiary then wife and child get nothing. |
Anonymous
Forget the unloved part, you need to protect your child. It sounds like this marriage may not last long, but the kid will be his forever so you need to make sure she is taken care of. |