Mean kids in pre school

[Anonymous]

My child is getting the treatment in private ps.
She’s just turned 3. Kids involved are mainly 4 year old boys. Only one girl in the mix.
Is this early to be experiencing this?
I will be having a conference with teachers in the couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

Have you witnessed the behavior? What kind of "treatment" are you referring to? Is this in a 3-4 class or a daycare?

[Anonymous]

You're joking, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you witnessed the behavior? What kind of "treatment" are you referring to? Is this in a 3-4 class or a daycare?

No. Stop.

[Anonymous]

If you're dealing with physically aggressive kids, then I don't understand why you would wait a few weeks to talk to the school. If it's a case of some kids not being nice, then I think you might be overreacting.

Three- and four-year-olds are just figuring out friendship, so you get a lot of kids saying "You're not my friend" when what they mean is "I don't want to play with you right now" or "I'm mad that you won't do what I want." That's totally normal, and not the same as "mean kid" behavior.

It really matters what you mean by "the treatment." Three- and four-year-olds are rarely bullies or mean kids. They are often immature, impulsive, and tactless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you witnessed the behavior? What kind of "treatment" are you referring to? Is this in a 3-4 class or a daycare?

Yes I’ve witnessed it. I wouldn’t take a 3 year old’s word for it. Of course she’s mostly just confused by the situation. Hurt and confused. She couldn’t articulate the goings on even if she wanted.
Morning preschool not day care.
This seems really young for this, but I thought I’d check with parents with kids who’ve recently been through this age group.

The treatment is a group of kids telling her repeatedly they don’t like her. In her face, and yelling at her. This is after class.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of preschoolers act "mean," but that doesn't translate into their being "mean kids." They're in PREschool, where they're figuring things out. Very, very rarely is this anything beyond kids being kids. At this age, it's about how the teachers manage the kids and their feelings and these difficult situations that sometimes arise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you witnessed the behavior? What kind of "treatment" are you referring to? Is this in a 3-4 class or a daycare?

Yes I’ve witnessed it. I wouldn’t take a 3 year old’s word for it. Of course she’s mostly just confused by the situation. Hurt and confused. She couldn’t articulate the goings on even if she wanted.
Morning preschool not day care.
This seems really young for this, but I thought I’d check with parents with kids who’ve recently been through this age group.

The treatment is a group of kids telling her repeatedly they don’t like her. In her face, and yelling at her. This is after class.

If this is happening, you need to talk to the teachers. And don't wait a few weeks, contact them now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're dealing with physically aggressive kids, then I don't understand why you would wait a few weeks to talk to the school. If it's a case of some kids not being nice, then I think you might be overreacting.

Three- and four-year-olds are just figuring out friendship, so you get a lot of kids saying "You're not my friend" when what they mean is "I don't want to play with you right now" or "I'm mad that you won't do what I want." That's totally normal, and not the same as "mean kid" behavior.

It really matters what you mean by "the treatment." Three- and four-year-olds are rarely bullies or mean kids. They are often immature, impulsive, and tactless.

Let me be specific

“ hey Larla is coming over” - said by alpha boy to group
“ quick everyone run away from her”- sidekick boy
( larla shell shocked look of rejection)
“ you stay away from us. We don’t want you” - little tag along girl
Mocking laughter as they run away


Witnessed multiple times. I’ve tried to ignore but it’s getting worse. And the group of kids seems to be expanding. What started with the alpha boy is now 5-6 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you witnessed the behavior? What kind of "treatment" are you referring to? Is this in a 3-4 class or a daycare?

Yes I’ve witnessed it. I wouldn’t take a 3 year old’s word for it. Of course she’s mostly just confused by the situation. Hurt and confused. She couldn’t articulate the goings on even if she wanted.
Morning preschool not day care.
This seems really young for this, but I thought I’d check with parents with kids who’ve recently been through this age group.

The treatment is a group of kids telling her repeatedly they don’t like her. In her face, and yelling at her. This is after class.

If this is happening, you need to talk to the teachers. And don't wait a few weeks, contact them now.

Agree. If this is happening after class, are the teachers not seeing the behavior? Or the parents?

The teachers need to know about this happening. Tell them now, today. This is the sort of thing they should know and the sort of thing they can address and fix.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to the teachers now
I would tell her to find people to play with who are not being like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're dealing with physically aggressive kids, then I don't understand why you would wait a few weeks to talk to the school. If it's a case of some kids not being nice, then I think you might be overreacting.

Three- and four-year-olds are just figuring out friendship, so you get a lot of kids saying "You're not my friend" when what they mean is "I don't want to play with you right now" or "I'm mad that you won't do what I want." That's totally normal, and not the same as "mean kid" behavior.

It really matters what you mean by "the treatment." Three- and four-year-olds are rarely bullies or mean kids. They are often immature, impulsive, and tactless.

Let me be specific

“ hey Larla is coming over” - said by alpha boy to group
“ quick everyone run away from her”- sidekick boy
( larla shell shocked look of rejection)
“ you stay away from us. We don’t want you” - little tag along girl
Mocking laughter as they run away


Witnessed multiple times. I’ve tried to ignore but it’s getting worse. And the group of kids seems to be expanding. What started with the alpha boy is now 5-6 kids.

I still don't understand exactly. Are the children playing in a group after class? It seems like an easy solution would be for you to take your DD straight to the car or straight home, rather than have her play for a few minutes after class.

I posted upthread about telling the teachers about this behavior. You should do that. You should also take charge of your DD and take her straight home instead of having her play with these kids, at least for the near future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're dealing with physically aggressive kids, then I don't understand why you would wait a few weeks to talk to the school. If it's a case of some kids not being nice, then I think you might be overreacting.

Three- and four-year-olds are just figuring out friendship, so you get a lot of kids saying "You're not my friend" when what they mean is "I don't want to play with you right now" or "I'm mad that you won't do what I want." That's totally normal, and not the same as "mean kid" behavior.

It really matters what you mean by "the treatment." Three- and four-year-olds are rarely bullies or mean kids. They are often immature, impulsive, and tactless.

Let me be specific

“ hey Larla is coming over” - said by alpha boy to group
“ quick everyone run away from her”- sidekick boy
( larla shell shocked look of rejection)
“ you stay away from us. We don’t want you” - little tag along girl
Mocking laughter as they run away


Witnessed multiple times. I’ve tried to ignore but it’s getting worse. And the group of kids seems to be expanding. What started with the alpha boy is now 5-6 kids.

I still don't understand exactly. Are the children playing in a group after class? It seems like an easy solution would be for you to take your DD straight to the car or straight home, rather than have her play for a few minutes after class.

I posted upthread about telling the teachers about this behavior. You should do that. You should also take charge of your DD and take her straight home instead of having her play with these kids, at least for the near future.

Or, as another poster said, have her play with other children who will play with her. This is an age where children sometimes need adult intervention to play together. The teachers will help. You can help too.

[Anonymous]

You talk to the teachers, OP. They should be shutting it down and also doing a LOT of social emotional development work. To me, that's most of the work of preschool and early elementary education anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're dealing with physically aggressive kids, then I don't understand why you would wait a few weeks to talk to the school. If it's a case of some kids not being nice, then I think you might be overreacting.

Three- and four-year-olds are just figuring out friendship, so you get a lot of kids saying "You're not my friend" when what they mean is "I don't want to play with you right now" or "I'm mad that you won't do what I want." That's totally normal, and not the same as "mean kid" behavior.

It really matters what you mean by "the treatment." Three- and four-year-olds are rarely bullies or mean kids. They are often immature, impulsive, and tactless.

Let me be specific

“ hey Larla is coming over” - said by alpha boy to group
“ quick everyone run away from her”- sidekick boy
( larla shell shocked look of rejection)
“ you stay away from us. We don’t want you” - little tag along girl
Mocking laughter as they run away


Witnessed multiple times. I’ve tried to ignore but it’s getting worse. And the group of kids seems to be expanding. What started with the alpha boy is now 5-6 kids.

I still don't understand exactly. Are the children playing in a group after class? It seems like an easy solution would be for you to take your DD straight to the car or straight home, rather than have her play for a few minutes after class.

I posted upthread about telling the teachers about this behavior. You should do that. You should also take charge of your DD and take her straight home instead of having her play with these kids, at least for the near future.

Yes I definitely had that thought today. The facility is unique and has an indoor play space on the way out. We all struggle to pull our kids out. I had caught whiffs of this behavior before. I sort of followed and eavesdropped today and got confirmation of my suspensions. Mommies and nannies are gabbing and on their phones.
I told her that not everyone wants to play with us and we go find someone who wants to play with us.
Cue 3 min later and alpha punches his sidekick in the face. I’ve no interest in foster friendships with these children, but I’m wondering if this seems early. It feels so tribal and coordinated. I understand kids are mean, and say whatever, but this isn’t that.
I’ve contacted the teacher. We meet tomorrow morning.