Slow Fade
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Anonymous
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Why do people do this? Just adult up and say you're not into it (whatever the relationship is). I don't get it.
Anyone relate? |
Anonymous
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I think there's a few factors at play.
If it's early in the relationship- a few to several dates in, it isn't always intended to be a slow fade. Sometimes, in early dating, when the person isn't an established part of your life yet, or if you're dating multiple people as often happens when one is dating online, it's just that being busier for a bit or starting to see someone else more eventually turns into a permanent end to it, but it could easily have gone the other way. If it's intended, it's often because people are confrontation-averse and hope that the other party will "take the hint." As someone who is actively dating, I don't mind the slow fade being done to me if it's in early stages/pre-exclusivity. I'd actually prefer it to an awkward conversation at that stage. Once you're in an actual committed relationship, I find it cowardly and unkind. |
Anonymous
| How much drama do I owe the other person to be the audience for? |
Anonymous
| After a date or two, no need for a conversation - one of you didn't see what they were looking for. A month or more, including sex, be a human being and talk to the person. |
Anonymous
Well put |
Anonymous
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I just think it is very awkward to tell another person that you are not attracted to them.
Because no matter how you word it - This is basically what you are saying to them. It’s uncomfortable. It’s easier for some people to just kinda disappear..... Like in a poof of smoke. |
Anonymous
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What is the best way to deal with it then?
Confront? Or say nothing and let the fade happen. |
Anonymous
The best way is to not contact them anymore. It's not going to work out so NEXT! |
Anonymous
Yes, if their reaching out to you slows and stops in conjunction with your fading, that's ideal. I have had it happen, but rarely, that one party doesn't really "get" that they are being slow-faded, or seems to get it/be doing it themselves too, at first - drops off contact, doesn't initiate dates, etc. But then will suddenly reach out and suggest dates, etc. after weeks of no dates and minimal contact. In that case I believe the decent thing to do is tell them that you aren't feeling a connection. |
Anonymous
Because it’s not important enough to have that conversation. Just move on. Once it fades, it will never go back to that perfect memory you have in your head. It just won’t. |
Anonymous
| I don't know about your relationship status but for someone I wasn't dating exclusively, this is how they would always end it. She wouldn't call me back. After the second unreturned call I got the hint. It was easier that way-no dispiriting confrontations. I don't need to hear why someone with whom I hooked up casually doesn't want to hook anymore. |
Anonymous
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I don't like it, but it happens all the time.
When the tables have been turned and it's early enough in that a text is not horrible, I will just say that I do not feel like we are a good romantic match. There is no misunderstanding with that. Recently, I had a guy say, "wow, I'm surprised, my coworkers think I'm a catch." Or something similar. Then we went back and forth before I wished him well. I mean, really?! The clear way to let someone know you will not be dating or continuing on is to clearly state that. But most people prefer to duck and run...b/c it is easier. |