Looking for a therapist/guidance for trans-identifying teen (MoCo)
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Anonymous
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My teen is identifying as transgender. He hopes to take hormones before college. We're very new to this, and would love to find some help navigating this in Montgomery County. We have a therapist, and although we identified gender dysphoria as an issue going in, the therapist isn't equipt to help us navigate the steps needed, or even to help make sure this path is the right one (which admittedly, is a concern for us as parents).
Has anyone had any experience, suggestions, recommendations? |
Anonymous
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I do not have direct experience with this myself, but two different friends with trans children (one older, one younger) have used Children's National as part of their care system.
https://childrensnational.org/departments/gender-development-program |
Anonymous
| We and another family I know use Anne Adelman in Friendhip Heights. |
Anonymous
| Please be careful. It’s a very controversial issue in therapy now and the therapist you chose can ma huge difference. Is this a surprise to you or does it make sense? If it’s out of the blue and you are shocked it may be social contagion or other issue. Check out Sasha Ayad’s websight Inspired Teen Therapy |
Anonymous
True about social contagion |
Anonymous
| OP here: Surprise. We've always raised our child in a more gender neutral manner (no overly pink, no addressing as "princess", building toys *and* social toys. This is how I was raised in the 70's. We were going for the "strong woman". I can see the avenue for social contagion - social media, friends who also identify as gay and/or trans. However, I also believe transgender is a real thing and it could be real for my child. I believe it would be damaging to our relationship long term and my child's mental health not to be supportive - but what shape does that take, I'm not sure. As for web sites, I've seen that there are a ton out there, and it's hard to sort through them sometimes. Some argue social contagion, some argue affirm at all costs - neither approach can be 100% right. |
Anonymous
You can't undo the effects of testosterone on the female body. Tread carefully. |
Anonymous
The gender affirmative approach does not automatically mean hormone treatments. The idea is to help the child explore his or her feelings about the issue without judgement. The rate of depression and suicide attempts among TG kids is appallingly high. Studies have shown that accepting the child's identity significantly improves mental health and reduces suicide rates. The evidence for social contagion is slim. The one published study on it only took questionnaires from parents who already inclined to believe in social contagion. The children themselves were not evaluated and there was no followup to confirm parent observations. |
Anonymous
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Genderspectrum.org is a great resource. My DS is trans. We’re not in dc so I can’t recommend anyone for you. Dcum is not really a supportive place for the trans community as a whole, so don’t take to heart the negative comments you’re bound to get. There are little pockets of support and at least 1 or 2 other parents of trans teens seeking treatment so sometimes you’ll get support, but you’ll also get people calling you abusive.
Not knowing you, I can’t really offer any specific advice, except to say supporting your child doesn’t mean giving them everything they ask for. There are a lot of options to weigh. Start with finding a good therapist and exploring the feelings more. Your child can start to transition and start coming out without using hormones. After she’s sure it’s what she wants, then you can add in hormones if that’s what you and she feels is the best path. Hormones isn’t the first step. Timing is big at this age. People talk about it being abusive to let teens transition, but I knew if we didn’t allow it, DS would when he went to college. We’re helping him transition in high school so he can go through all the medical stuff at home where we can help, and so he can go to college confident in his identity. I think it would’ve been far too much to take on while in college and living on his own for the first time. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/transgender Here’s a link to help you find a therapist in this field. GL! |
Anonymous
| OP: I would like to hear what therapists and other resources you have found. I have a teen who is wondering whether he/she is trans or cis, but wants a therapist who isn't going to push or presume in either direction, just be open to the questions. |
Anonymous
That's exactly what I am looking to find! I wish my teen was still wondering, but the public persona is that this is what they are. I'm hoping there's still some uncertainty, because if my child is open to exploring a little further with a therapist, I can feel more confident that it's for real and not social influenced or trying out things and seeing where they fit in. Op again: Finding a therapist seems tricky. psychologytoday.com allows you to put in what you're looking for, and even spits out therapists. But it's hard to tell if the therapists are just checking boxes to maximize the chances of getting a new patient or really are knowledgeable and/or specialize in that topic. At this stage, I'd like the therapist to be covered under insurance as well, so there's that limiting factor. So how to find one? I don't really know. The place we used for a few months, I explained the issue and what we were looking for, but it seemed the therapist, although having worked with one or more trans individuals before, really wasn't that well versed. We weren't discouraged and the limitations weren't explained to us. I called another place recently, and also explained the situation. This place seems to have younger therapists, and they have different types of degrees. (the first therapist was a LCSW.) Don't know if it's better, or just different. Yeah, I have no magic solutions. So then there's waiting lists. We're waiting for a spot at a new place, we'll see how long that takes. We were offered a spot at 4 on a monday, which would have been great except that's when my child has an after school activity, so any other day of the week would have worked! I also finally got through to Children's National Medical Center's gender and sexuality development program. They have an extensive packet to fill in before they will offer an appointment, and a waiting list to boot. We're not in DC, so distance is a problem, but the appointment seems to be for a 2 hour evaluation of the child - are they trans? What actions would they suggest? and if you aren't located locally, they will suggest resources where you are. So I want to get that filled out because I feel any help would be good, if not for my child then for me. Good luck! This is a hard thing I think for a parent to help a child with. I know in my day I wasn't typically female, but it would have never occurred to me to think trans - did we even know what that was? Who knows today... |
Anonymous
| Thank you for the post. And all recommendations. I have a few friends with children in this process and it helps to read and learn how to be a better support. |
Anonymous
Isn't it statistically unlikely that you have a few friends who truly have transgender children? Half of the girls in my DC's drama club don't want to identify as women. |
Anonymous
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Yeah, look what happened to this girl...
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andreas_Krieger |
Anonymous
What does this have to do with anything? |