Getting more introverted the older I get

[Anonymous]

Even though I’ve always been introverted, I enjoyed socializing on weekends for time-boxed periods of time.

But these days, I need more time to myself than ever. Even from my DH. I have fairly independent work, so not much socializing at work either.

Next weekend, we have two commitments on Saturday. Kids’ party mid-morning and adults’ bday party in evening. I’m already dreading it. What makes it worse is DH is extremely extroverted, and it’s hard dragging him out the door to leave - we’re frequently the last people to leave any get together. How do I deal? Would it be bad to skip the evening party? It’s at someone’s house, so it’s not like they are shelling out $100/plate or anything. And I barely know them. I normally would just drink a few drinks to help me relax, but I’m trying to cut back.

[Anonymous]

Tell DH that you plan to leave the party at X, and if he wants to stay longer, he needs to Uber home.

It's never bad to *decline an invitation,* but once you've accepted an invite for an evening party or what have you, you should not skip it unless there is a legitimate reason, like illness or child care falling through.

I get it--I'm more introverted now than I was in my 20s, too. But you need to be thoughtful and factor it in, don't just become a hermit and limit your husband and your family's ability to socialize.

When you get an invite, think about it. Decline or accept; then, make a plan.

[Anonymous]

I am the same way. This is the first weekend in awhile I actually don’t have any commitments. I haven’t left my couch today except to go to church and go for a run, and it’s been glorious.

[Anonymous]

It may also be that as your children get older, they take more of your mental energy. I've found that now that my two of my kids are at college and only one's left at home, I have more bandwidth for people outside the family than I did for a long time when my kids were home.

[Anonymous]

I'm introverted and my H is extroverted and things did change after we had a kid. My mental energy was taken so much by our kid that my patience for social stuff fell. I focused on staying connected with my friends rather than social events. It's gotten better as our kid has gotten older, but my H and I always had a standing agreement that if it was a social thing I didn't want to stay all night at, we'd take two cars or cab home. It still works for us.

What is interesting is my H has become more introverted as he's gotten older. Occasionally he'll say to me, "Are you ready to leave?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell DH that you plan to leave the party at X, and if he wants to stay longer, he needs to Uber home.

It's never bad to *decline an invitation,* but once you've accepted an invite for an evening party or what have you, you should not skip it unless there is a legitimate reason, like illness or child care falling through.

I get it--I'm more introverted now than I was in my 20s, too. But you need to be thoughtful and factor it in, don't just become a hermit and limit your husband and your family's ability to socialize.

When you get an invite, think about it. Decline or accept; then, make a plan.

You’re right, PP. it would be rude of me not to show up for no legitimate reason. I’ll have to find another way to cope through this one - maybe a dark corner in their house.

[Anonymous]

im the same way. Having a kid has sent me over the edge.I have company coming this weekend and Im dreading it and already counting down till they leave three days later.

[Anonymous]

This makes me feel better. Thought it was just me

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP?

[Anonymous]

This is me. I have become introverted after my kids were born and as I have become older. Most of my friends have kids who have flown the nest and these people want to live it up with cramming as many activities as they can. However, most of the activities and partying is around lots of drinking and other pursuits that DH and I had got out of our system when we were in college.

As a 50 something old woman, I couldn't care less about drinking and cataloging each and every event, outfit, occasion, pose on social media. It is tiring. There is no intellectual stimulation, no interesting hobbies, nothing that makes me feel that I had a good time. I go because I cannot get out of everything, but I actually love spending time with my kids and with my DH. Thankfully, DH and I are in synch and we are ok with taking our friends in small doses. I have no advice for OP. I would not want DH to go anywhere without me.

[Anonymous]

I'm the same, OP. I was extremely extroverted up until about five years ago. I'm 52 and much prefer to be in my quiet home. I enjoyed going out with my DH and my (adult) kids. But I truly hate parties.

[Anonymous]

May be natural with aging. I am a 70 plus male and find myself chattier (than when younger) with strangers when shopping, around town but far less interested in cocktail or dinner party type chitchat --- especially in noisy environments or for long periods of time.

[Anonymous]

Just tell your DH you want to leave by a certain time because you can't handle 2 long parties in one day. Next time don't accept 2 invites in one day.

[Anonymous]

I am female in my 60s and vastly prefer being alone at home to any other scenario. That said, i do not totally avoid social occasions, I just don't enjoy them nearly as much as my own delightful company.

[Anonymous]

I’m 40 and got invited to Halloween dance party. I want to die. My DH is so excited