Pre-teen refuses to accept/ acknowledge menarche...what to do?

[Anonymous]

Hi DCUM, I've been searching the internet for resources on this topic for my sister who lives out of state but haven't come up w/ any answers that are worthwhile and am hoping someone out there might have some advice for us.
My niece is in total, utter denial of her period. She has had two now and has been trying to hide its arrival by refusing to change underwear, hiding her underwear and not taking any interest in feminine care. I've read about the fears some young girls experience but that's not the case and I know my sister has had a lot of "talks" over the years w/ my niece about what to expect. Does anyone have any suggestions how to cope and/ or why a girl might be in such denial of the arrival of her period? TIA.

[Anonymous]

My advice: your sister should talk to a child psychologist. That's what I did when my DD did some wierd things related to her body. I met weekly with a child psychologist and, following his advice, the behaviors changed for the better within weeks. Maybe the psychologist will want to meet with your niece, maybe just with your sister. I'm a believer that it's the fastest solution for quirky things like this.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs suggestions. Just have to say, though, that I was like your neice, primarily because I was taught to feel shame about it (unwittingly I might add, I'm sure my mother didn't mean it). So I just didn't discuss it with her. If she forgot to buy pads for me, I went without. Finally, I used to bike 5 miles into town to the People's Drug Store to buy them myself with allowance. I'm only telling you this in case your neice is going through something similar (shame aspect).

[Anonymous]

This was a very long time ago, but I dealt with the onset of menses very much like your niece. I used rolled up toilet paper instead of pad and got away with it for the first few days until I did not realize that there was a tiny drop of evidence on my underwear that my mother discovered doing laundry. I knew what it was, my mom and I had had "the talk" and I had also had "that meeting for girls only" a year earlier. But for some reason it made me sad and I wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. Fortunately, my mom talked to me, telling me that it was choice, but she felt I really should use pads because TP was not meant for this use and if I had an accident, I might be very embarrassed. That talk seemed to work.

Good luck to your sister.

[Anonymous]

Second the advice for a child psychologist.

[Anonymous]

How old is your niece?

I am a very private person. I know that when I first started getting my cycle it embarrassed me a lot and I would try to hide it as well - I even hid the used pads. I had 2 brothers and a sister and we used to all tease each other about different things so I was worried they'd tease me too Around the point I started getting my cycle I started doing my own laundry (8th grade) - my mom was tired of doing it for all of us. I think that helped because then at least if my underwear got some blood on it that no one would have to know but myself. So maybe suggest that she start taking out her own trash and start doing her own laundry? Then no one will have to know.

We never really talked about cycles in my house, but I knew what they were. My mom basically just kept a supply of sanitary napkins in my closet for me to use. Every few months my closet would be restocked.

Good luck...but as I read your post it appears I went through the same thing back then (but I'd at least change my underwear).

[Anonymous]

Uh, therapist. Pronto.

[Anonymous]

I got my period when I was 10 and was very embarrased by it. Not shamed - just embarrased. How old is your niece? I agree your sister talking to a professional might give your sister some great advice. But, it could be your niece is just embarrased - especially if she's younger and none of her other friends are going through the same thing. I did use a pad then - but didn't talk about it with anyone.

I also developed breasts very early. I was also embarrased by this - everyone else in my class had a flat chest. It was horrible when changing for PE. I would take 3+ tank tops and tape the straps together. I hid it for as long as possible. It wasn't because of my mom - I just am naturally embarrased. Eventually it was too hard to cover-up and my mom caught on and I had to buy a training bra. Miserable experience. Once other girls started going through the same things (a year or three later), I relaxed quite a bit.

It's really hard being one of the first ones. Plus, I didn't want to talk to my mom about any changes - I was just too embarrased. If my mom brought anything up, I would quickly change the subject. My mom has sense apologized for not pushing conversations about growing up and providing support. She honestly thought if I had questions I would bring them to her. Silly, silly mom. I fully expect my DD to get her period around the age of 10 (my mom did too) and plan to be a lot more active in asking questions and giving her support.